My little booklet of irrationalities.

Our minds are cluttered with so many irrational thoughts, I suspect the world we live in is just one big lunatic asylum. As I grow older, I find more illogicality to add to my growing repertoire of asinine traits. Anyway, here goes an incomplete list.

When I enter a supermarket, I have this feeling the automatic doors are going to connive to smoothly slide shut on my face and then I would have to live with a flat face similar to the one that Tom has when Jerry somehow manages to run a tractor over his face. While we are on the topic of supermarkets, let me share a secret with you. I never shop alone. I am just not amused enough by my company to shop alone and when I do shop with friends in a supermarket like Walmart, with 2035 aisles to mislead you, I am paranoid that while I am carefully scrutinizing the imponderable variation of shades between ruby red and rusty rose nail colors, my friends would have progressed on to the other 2034 aisles. I spend a few frantic minutes searching for my life line and then heave a sigh of relief when I see a familiar face. Before I sign off on the subject of supermarkets, let me reveal one other touch of insanity in me. I am terrified that after I leave the supermarket, happily jingling the car keys in my pocket, my car would vanish. I anxiously inspect every parking row, convinced that I would never find my car and I would have to live a life of abandonment and disillusionment, in the parking lot, forever. Well, may be a bit too extreme, but passably justified in the name of comical euphemism.

Coming to the subject of conversations, an area I have little merit to claim, let me just say, I am happy to stand by and watch people converse. My inadequacy finds startling new ways to manifest itself, more in a non-desi get-together than a desi one. While, I am not gung-ho about cliches, let me say, the cat literally does get my tongue. I cannot bring myself to enunciate anything more pronounced than an unexpectedly loud sigh. A million conversation-starters race past my mind and then I hear myself saying "uh uh" accompanied by a sheepish grin. I quickly think of amusing one-liners, extremely funny jokes to deal with my awkwardness, practise it in my mind and open my mouth to say it, when I realize that the conversation has taken an entirely new direction, literally and figuratively and I am standing about two feet away from everybody else gaping at nothing in particular, my faithful grin still plastered stupidly on my face.

Yet another vagary - I am merrily discussing trivialities with friends and having a great time, and in time, I realize that I am having a great time and for the next few seconds, I am not having such a great time! I quickly and resourcefully think of two events that could transpire that would spoil the day. I visualize the day ending miserably, thanks to these two non-occurrences. A small chunk of my time is now spent wondering why the day had to be spoilt such as I imagined, when it was not infact spoilt at all and the very act of me thinking as I was thinking, was spoiling it! Talk about confusing thoughts!

While there are several others that I wish to share, I would still like to maintain a semblance of rationality (sanity?) in the readers' eyes. I suspect, the attempt to do that is becoming increasingly difficult as I write more :)

Tweet