A new life.

I guess giving birth is like being reborn. I am trying to recall what I used to write about here. Whoever said having two kids is not too different from having one either has only one kid or is delusional with lack of sleep. Say hi everyone to baby m~!

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As it was with r~, measuring time with little milestones -- first time I could walk after surgery, first time she smiled (gas or no gas), first time I wore something nice after the delivery, first time k and I watched a TV show after delivery...every little thing is a milestone, a small celebration that we survived and are bravely marching along :)

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Weird what thoughts float through our heads those first few moments, minutes, days after the baby is born -- when I heard her cry the first time and saw her for the first time, I thought, 'Gosh! I could do this again. Maybe we should have another kid!'

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Didn't realize I would spend so much time worrying if I am giving r~ enough attention. I assumed most of my energy would be spent taking care of baby m~. Boy! Was I wrong! Half the time, I am screaming at r~ (who is a big girl now, all of 4 years old) to not touch m~'s hands because she hasn't sanitized her hands yet and has a runny nose and is just back from school (which we all know is there to spread germs and education). The other half of the time, I am tiring myself physically doing crafts with her to make up for all the time am not spending with her and to make up for my guilt for the earlier screaming session. The first few days after I was home, my baby blues (tears) were mostly about r~...didn't expect that.

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Thank God for supportive husbands.

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And supportive moms.

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I am so happy I sent chocolate covered berries and a sweet card to the hospital staff. I love thank you cards and birthday cards and miss you cards...you get the picture. No wonder I love thanksgiving speaking of which, this card r~ made at school was touching:

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After all the drama of home birthing, 3 day labor, ER visit and blood loss last time with my delivery, this time was almost a non-event. Felt unreal to not go through labor and give birth. I missed laboring -- something empowering about beating it and coming out of it alive (and now I have officially lost it, I guess).

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Addicted to Parenthood.

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1 year of no TV and still counting.

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r~ is mischievous to a point where we get complaints from her school teachers about her naughtiness. Always embarrassing to get lectured about your kid; thought we were done with being lectured when I graduated from college.

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Is anyone still reading this blog? Hellooo?

---:)---

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A for Awkward...

So there are quite a few things you can learn from kiddo birthday parties. One of them is how to deal with new situations and new people -- you can always run to the center and shout really loud. Everyone enjoys that and if you think about it, it is fun to do that. Only, you can't really do that if you are an adult even though it  breaks the ice and acts as a tension release mechanism. Or you can start jumping. That could be fun too. You can just go hopping from one new person to another or just hop to a beat in your head by yourself. Again, not an option for me. The third easy option is to partially hide your face behind your mom or dad and peek at the new folks standing in a comfortably close circle at a distance. Practical difficulties with this third option for me.
Another option (my favorite) is to start dancing, as demonstrated below. A long shot but this one's worth a try.

Anyway with all my fun options taken away, I get to deal with new people and situations the adult way i.e. by being awkward. The initial meeting is never awkward especially when you meet people in a new place through your kid's activities -- school, birthday parties and so on because that is when you just head randomly to a person or a set of people and introduce yourself as so and so's mom. Or you could stand in the middle of the room and just smile at everyone and some kind soul will usually head towards you and ask if you are so and so's mom.

But, what happens after that? When you meet all these people again at a similar gathering, what then? You have run out of "I am so and so's mom. You are so and so's mom?" stage. So now the onus is on you to say something interesting and meaningful while wondering if you can recognize your kid amongst the 20 other little ones running and jumping everywhere around you. Yes, I could always make small conversation and talk about the weather or something but I don't do small talk well. I know logically, that's how one ought to begin to build relationships. You can't talk philosophy and books and passions to a random person before they know you as more than so and so's mom...I can see how that would go.

"Hey, you are r's mom right?"


"Yes but I'd rather discuss the latest book you read or I read or we could talk what you are really passionate about...what are your thoughts on r2i, bharatanatyam, organic food...oh...you have to go? Right now? Ok."


The other issue is when we try to interact as adults while managing kids, we fall into what I call the-half-attention syndrome. This gets better as the kids get older but still...it's like half our brain is focusing on the conversation with the adult while the other half is wondering why your 3 year old is licking that germ-infested bouncy contraption and giving you that look that says, "I dare you to react to this in this public gathering". The nice thing about the half-attention-syndrome with friends is you both know each other well enough to carry out a meaningful conversation with half finished sentences...

"Hey, did you read 'The help'? The movie didn't really...stop chewing on that thing! (that thing = a USB drive)...do justice to the...right now or no cake for you ever...but that other movie was a good adaptation, you know which one...no, not my iphone...we should go to that new organic cafe...no, no lollypop because it has chemicals...how's your brother's marriage coming along...yes, even if it's pink, it's bad, kannu...no! don't throw it there!..."

Yup. Can't do that with new folks. I notice with new folks, it is a more contained half-attention-syndrome.

"Yes, we should definitely meet to set up a...excuse me, I need to..." pointing to your red faced bawling kid because another kid would not share the ball while 3 other balls are lying unnoticed on the floor.

But, I like to believe I am getting better at this plus if your spouse accompanies you to these get-togethers (thank you, k), you can actually get past the weather talk, which I did with a few folks here.

I am still awkward. I still tend to chatter to fill up voids but I am getting better at 'awkward'. I still would prefer a "Tu meri chamak chalo" routine instead...

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Sunshine for mama.

So, I have reached out to my laptop to write something several times in the past week and each time online distraction got the better of me and I ended up website hopping/tweet hopping/status hopping and not getting down to writing anything at all. But today, I have some inspiration to hold me in place -- I have a new friend (all of 8 years old). And she has drawn these delightful little characters for me to pen a story for her. So, here goes!

Once upon a time, there lived two puppies named Happy and Glad. They were neighbors and the best of friends. Every morning, as soon as the sun woke them up, they would rush to each other to play and sing and dance until their mamas called them home for lunch. One day, Happy woke up as usual and rushed to kiss his mama goodbye to go and play with Glad. But, when he went into his mama's room, she was sitting very quietly in her room and she had her eyes closed. Happy grew very concerned, "Are you not feeling well, mama?", he asked. She smiled and said, "It's the change in weather. See outside..." and when Happy looked, huge raindrops fell and the sun was nowhere in sight. Just then, Glad and his mama walked into the room. Glad's mama got some warm soup and treats for Happy's mama. The two puppies stood worriedly in a corner as they watched their mothers. Soon, Happy's mama was sipping on her hot soup and Glad's mama said, "Why don't you both go and play in your room? Soon, the sun will be out and Happy's mama will be all better!" And so, the two puppies trotted back into Happy's room to discuss the events of the day.


"Do you think mama will be better soon?", Happy asked. He looked outside the window and said, "The rain makes me so sad. I wish the sun would come out and mama would feel better again."


Glad wanted to make his best friend feel better. Suddenly, he had an idea! "I know how we can make your mama better! Let's bring her some sunshine!"


"What a great idea!" agreed Happy.


"But how? It's raining so heavily outside!"


Glad said, "My mama and I got an umbrella to walk to your house. Let's take that and go looking for some sunshine!"


Happy agreed. He was happy that he could do something to make his mama feel better. So, the two puppies carried the umbrella and went looking for sunshine. Outside, it was drizzling but the sun was nowhere in sight.

Just then, they saw Friendly, the pig rushing to his pen.


"What are you two doing in the rain?" Friendly asked.


"Oh! We are looking for some sunshine. Do you know where we can find it?" asked Happy.


"Hmm...I didn't see any since morning. Why don't you both stay warm and dry inside and we can all go looking for some when the rain stops?" said Friendly huddling close to Happy and Glad under the umbrella.


"Oh! But, my mama is sick because of all the rain and we need the sun to make her better!" cried Happy.


"Oh! Don't be so sad, little Happy. Let me think. Who can help us find some sunshine? I know! Let's ask Wise, the bunny!"


So, the three friends went looking for Wise, the bunny. By then, the rain had almost stopped and the skies were looking more blue than grey.

Wise, the bunny was outside his house collecting some tools to do some gardening. When he saw the three friends, he said, "Happy, Glad and Friendly! How nice to see you! I would call you all in for a cup of tea but I am all set to work in my garden! Care to join me?"


Friendly said, "Oh! We are looking for some sun to take back to Happy's mom. She fell sick because she got wet in the rain and she needs some sun to feel better!"


Wise scratched his head. How could he tell poor Happy that he could not take the sun to his mom? So, he thought of an idea. He picked up a wooden pot that he had set aside to plant some flowers and said, "Let me help you in your quest! Come with me!" And so, Happy, Glad and Friendly followed Wise as he led them to a pool nearby.


Wise pulled Happy near him and pointed to the water in the pool, "What do you see there?"


Happy looked confused, "Water?", he ventured.


"Look carefully, what do you see?"


And so, the three friends peered into the water. And Lo and Behold! There it was, the sun!


"The sun!" They exclaimed together.


"Yes, the sun", agreed Wise, "Now watch carefully, I am going to coax the sun to travel with you to your house!" Saying that, Wise dipped his pot into the water and pointed to the sun's reflection, "Now, I am going to close this pot so the sun is safe inside. Give this to your mama with my regards!"


The three friends thanked Wise and skipped back home. When they reached home, the two moms were happily chatting away in the porch. "Mama, mama!" Happy called out excitedly, "We bought some sun for you so you feel all better!" Saying that, he handed the pot to her.


Happy's mom laughed and winked at Glad's mom. "You did! That must explain why I feel all better now! I'll keep the sun safe with me! Now run along and play while the sun is still out!"

And so, that's what Happy, Glad and Friendly did. They played till it became dark and the sun set but they knew their special sun was all safe and sound with Happy's mama!

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Nose piercing, technology and r2i -- in other words, random!

So let's see, where do I start? I'll begin by talking about my latest obsession -- my nose piercing. I was so excited to get my nose pierced. It seemed like something daring and different and it still does seem that way except that I have a little bump the size of my nose ring right next to it! And yesterday, the lady at the gym started at it as she spoke. Arrrg. This actually reminded me of that episode in Friends where Chandler says he couldn't date that woman because she has a gunk of mascara sitting at the corner of her eye :p Anyway, I have two options -- ditch the nose ring or patiently wait out the bump on my nose. Not happy about either option.

Edited: So last night, I went to that piercing lady to ask if my nose was going to vanish under a big bubble. So, the impression I had of the lady was this: that she was hep and looked cool with all those weird piercings (too many for me but still...), she was efficient with the piercing and said, "If you have any trouble at all, call me, I am Kari" and I thought, "Gee! What a nice lady! And cool too!" Yesterday though, I came back with a different opinion of her. She saw me come in and the smile literally vanished from her face (probably because she knew I wasn't a paying customer -- just a "return visit customer"), she tried her best to appear disinterested in my...nose and my questions. She didn't smile except in the end to say, "Have a nice day!" and there was no, "Contact me if your nose vanishes..." kind of promises. k said the moment she saw my face, she sat down heavily on her chair (as if she wouldn't budge even if I sprouted a second nose!) So I came out thinking, "How did I ever think this woman was friendly and stylish?" Even her piercings seemed ugly. I guess external beauty really does depend on what goes below the radar. Anyway, I don't recommend Bleed Blue for this very reason -- pretty miserable after sales care.

I really didn't want to discuss my nose piercing in this post but at least it got me to write something. I am feeling sort of restless these days and I feel like I should do something really cliched like ditch facebook for a month or stay off the laptop the whole weekend or something like that. But, I bet that's what people said when cell phones were the rage and really it sort of blended into mainstream culture pretty easily. Maybe that's what will happen with social networking sites too. Everywhere I look, I see, "Catch me on youtube, twitter, fb, check our my blog blah blah". I had an interesting discussion with a friend the other day and she said she didn't really have a facebook account and didn't care for one and that got me thinking. She had her reasons of course -- privacy, waste of time etc. Nothing new there but still, I went ahead and made most of r~'s photos private on fb. I didn't go so far as deleting my account but I felt I had taken a step towards...towards something. I don't really know what that's a step toward! The other day, we went for a walk and k was staring at his new android OS cell phone for most of the walk. When he eventually showed me what he was staring at, I was hooked in too (it was an app that could identify a star if you pointed your cellphone at a star in the sky!) but still a walk is something pristine and peaceful and calming...a device in the mix ruins it! I feel like r~ is missing out on some basic experiences and growing up just like today's iBabies. Instead of listening to her grandma sing thamizh paatu or her thatha tell her stories, she is growing up (with me singing out of tune Tamil songs but also) listening to Nila, Nila on her Tamil DVDs and watching "Ennamma thozhi" on youtube.

The other day, I watched two 5-6 year olds spend a couple of hours sitting on the couch in front of a video game instead of out playing in the sun! I don't really know if r2i is the solution for helping a child grow up with a wholesome mix of things but I am not getting very far here with the desi experience. I try my best though with what I have -- I religiously speak to her in Tamil at home, restrict how much TV she watches (nothing except her baby DVDs and only for drinking her choco milk -- yes, she is that picky with her milk!), make sure she sees me or k light the vilakku and pray everyday but I feel she misses out on people-experience. Perhaps we miss out on it too. I am not a big fan of the huge combined family drama but staying in close proximity to her grandparents is something more beneficial than what she has here. And things that we struggle for here -- like teaching an Indian language or Indian culture will come naturally if we actually lived in India (instead of faking it :)

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Kids and all

I read yet another article on kids and what happens to your life after kids. And I was again startled to read a blanket statement that went something like, "People are unhappier with kids. They even admit it most times but always end with a disclaimer that states they wouldn't have it any other way; their lives are so much enriched with kids...blah". Now, this is startling for a number of reasons. Unhappy and kids? That's a very unlikely marriage. I can imagine couples being unhappy in their marriages but unhappy with kids? That's a stretch if you ask me. If kids make you unhappy, then I guess your requirements for happiness perhaps need a second draft, something more realistic and attainable?

Why does this irk me, you ask? For the obvious reason that I now have a kid and understand the pains and struggles that face parenthood, like an unending ocean of waves, crashing one after another. So, when someone comes along with this fancy statistic relating kids and unhappiness, it gets on my nerves. Why? Maybe because I am going through the experience right now and trying to stay on top of it and reading un-optimistic opinions like this makes my life seem that much harder. Maybe, I like reading material that helps reinforce my belief in my choices? Or maybe, equating kids and unhappiness seems just plain biased to me. Kids and stress. Kids and financial strains. Kids and lack of sleep. Agreed. Kids and unhappiness seems like there is some other root cause that is just convenient to transfer to kids and blame them for it.

On a somewhat related note, maybe there is some truth to the observation that more choices is just more stress for people. Life is really simpler when your choices are few. The problem with multiple choices is it offers you a variety of ways you can live your life and then it's all about defending your choices -- the kids you had or did not have, the career you have or do not have, the house you bought or did not buy. Through seemingly unrelated conversations, the subtle defense for your choices seeps through somehow. So, you find yourself justifying to others and yourself how your choices make a whole bunch of sense. I find this somewhat annoying especially when the choices people have made are quite different from mine and for that very reason maybe they find an urge to sneak in a statement validating their choices. Anyhow, that's how people are and possibly, I do that too inadvertently. So peace.

Aaah. So, am doing the single parent thingie for a week. Let's see how that goes. *Someone* is not going to be greeted by a pleasant face when he returns from his business trip if r~ keeps me sleep-deprived all week long :p

Stay tuned.

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