April 27, 2009


Apparently, 25 is the indisputable king of lists. Facebook has a list of 25 random facts about you; you read about top 25 changes you can make to your wardrobe to not look like a maid everyday (Ok fine, that's just one of the lists I plan to make soon), 25 ways to become a new get the point.

And so, I wish to nominate 23 as the new 25. Just for kicks. Also because my birthday falls on 23rd. And I hereby present 23 thoughts and all that that you were dying to read about all this time! Why here? Where else? Nobody asked me for my 25 thoughts on face-book or orkut or myspace...wait, I don't have an account on myspace. But, yeah. Nobody in any sort of online community went, "Gosh! RS, you have to tell me 25 trivial thoughts that ran in your head today! Can't wait to hear!" So anyway...


1. I keep reading it's good to be grateful. I am grateful to Stephenie Meyers (Of the Twilight fame) for making the last few days' wait for little r~ more bearable -- almost a blur in my head.

2. I recently started sleeping on the other side of the bed. It was weird at first.

3. It's so weird when people say hi and smile but don't even carry the smile on their faces until you walk past them. Kind of like auto-pilot. So they looks really comical in that second when they suddenly switch from smiling to expression-less.

4. k says am in awe of someone or the other all the time. Is that a good thing or not?

5. I always thought I would fall for someone who didn't obey all the rules.

6. I typically try to follow all the rules.

7. Home birthing is a whole new story.

8. Stay at home moms are rock stars

9. Temporary obsessions are fun -- like Harry Potter, Twilight, Shopaholic series...

10. I don't think I am meant to have a best girl-friend. k has been with me to more girly events than I can recall.

11. Oh my God! I just realized I don't have a best boy-friend either.

12. Overall, you are not very different from how I am.

13. Is there such a thing as online-ADD? Pick the laptop to do something online; do something else; also do yet another thing online; become totally distracted.

14. How many useless memories can you recall now? I can think of one -- I remember this girl (my senior at UK) had her hands on the bottom of the steering wheel while driving. She had grey woolen gloves on. I remember being fascinated that 1) She could drive 2) She could drive with her hands resting like that on the steering wheel. I wondered when I would ever own a car and drive on my own. I always wanted to be her friend.

15. I don't do maps.

16. Dhanush was super funny in Padikaadhavan.

17. Twilight plays in my car too -- Bella's lullaby rocks.

19. I admire women who are always well-dressed -- to work, to drop their kids to school, to walk in the park; how do they do it?

20. Anyone else out there that watched DDLJ 7 times and cried the first 3 times?

21. Many times, I find I am unconsciously spelling words with my right hand index finger -- weird.

22. Wonder how things would have turned out if my parents had stuck with my original name, Narmada?

23. Be frank, ok? If I write a collection of short stories, will it sell?

April 13, 2009


Today is one of those days that I feel stuck. Stuck in life. It's one of those days where nothing goes wrong in particular, no one says anything to set me off but I just don't feel right. I don't even know why.

Ever have one of those days? A day full of minor routines, maybe one or two pieces that won't fall in place -- a server that won't work, a plan that doesn't seem to be materializing, a dream that is half-way implemented -- and it feels like I just want to curl up and go back to bed and not go about any routine or talk to anyone.

So, I stopped debugging the server, stopped worrying about the incomplete dream, and just looked at the photos I took yesterday of r~.

That didn't fix my vague blue mood or fill me with a surge of adrenalin to get going but at least it reminded me that soon, I will be home playing with her and then everything will take a back-seat. It made me smile.

Thank God for that.

Oh! And Happy Tamil New Year's Day!

April 03, 2009

Work family balance -- hah!

As you can tell, am back to work part-time. They even have a PT community at work which is strange considering PT is not a very promising career path nowadays, they tell me. There is always one high-visibility meeting that you will miss irrespective of which half of the day you choose to work. Oh well. At least I have a something called a career (outside home, that is), for now (touch wood).

So, an interesting incident happened today when I was @ work from home. r~ was sleeping upstairs and I had this brilliant idea that I should attend the meeting using our home phone downstairs since the baby was upstairs. Which is all well and good except that the baby eats downstairs not in the bedroom. Now, how did I miss this piece of logic in my logical brain is beyond me. So, I logged into my telephone conference call while testing the client on my laptop and suddenly k's mom gets r~ down. r~ having just woken up is fussing. The poor thing has a bad viral infection and that doesn't add any joy either.

I am just a dummy in the meeting because I am just getting back to work after a loongish siesta for 6 months. Heh. So, I do what comes automatically to me. I fill a bowl quickly with whatever the baby has to eat and hand it to k's mom, chitchatting along the way. The brilliant idea here is that once that this little detail taken care of, k's mom will feed whatever r~ will accept (given her runny nose and cough) and I can meanwhile carry on with my meeting (almost) uninterrupted.

But, of course, we always forget the little things. I did not mute my phone. And s~ pings me and says, " might want to mute your phone :)"

Ah! The mute feature. How convenient. How also very not smart of me to not use it.

k tells me, you know you can always use the room upstairs. Hmm...yup, I could have done that but then the six people who were busy sitting at their desks and diligently testing the code wouldn't have been introduced to my sweet daughter's melodious calls.

I get back on the phone and say, "Aah...(nice pause)...sorry if you hear r~ in the background...heh."

One soul patiently responds, "No problem!"

Yup. No problem as long as the mute feature works. I realized I am one of those people on the call that provides comic relief with a funny sound in their background that they didn't realize was getting through the call and then they go, "Oh...just a minute. Down Peter, down boy, down." And the dog whimpers and stops barking into the conference call :p

And that is the beginning of my series titled "Work-life-balance -- a collection of faux pas"

April 01, 2009


So, I thought the hardest thing was going through labor and having a baby. Am pretty sure I even read that labor is one of the most difficult of human pains to endure. Turns out that's true but it's just the beginning of the really unpredictable journey of motherhood.

I often tell k that when people tell me it's all in my head, it makes me mad because most times, I am not imagining things. What I am feeling is real. As my nurse practitioner put it, "Well honey, isn't everything in the head? Even pain is an emotion that is controlled by your head!" True. Lately, I have heard a bunch of truisms :p if I can call it that.

Like my yoga instructor, Toni, said, "Now take a enjoy the choice you have made." That struck a chord with me. The other thing she said was, "Ok so, what's the worst thing that can happen if I do this pose?" And then she goes on, "So, I end up looking like an idiot. Which is fine. It's ok to do that sometimes." Yup. It is ok. Life does not give you a chance to be perfect at all times. So, if I looked like an idiot now and then, why not go with the flow and enjoy the chance to don a different character on? Enjoy the they say.

When people tell me they finally managed to..."achieve this", "do that", "complete this" -- action verbs that hide a lot of sweat and effort behind them -- my question to them is, "So, how do you feel?", "You must be happy now!" and the reason I do that is also to remind myself that where I am in life -- my achievements, my experiences -- are a result of conscious choice and lot of hard work and I have earned the right to be happy when I can be instead of planning for the next milestone to overcome. I have a feeling I often miss the larger picture in life and then look back wistfully at a past experience while having missed the opportunity to enjoy it at its fullest when it actually transpired. I guess I inherited my dad's gene in this case -- to plan ahead. I remember all my childhood, my dad told me, "P l a n n i n g", "Pros and cons"...and the other day he tells me, "RS, I think you are just planning way too ahead of everything...just take it as it comes" -- this from the planner himself.

Sometimes Mostly, life is unpredictable and while some looking into the future is essential, I think just being and enjoying the experience is equally important. Maybe I should keep notes in my diary, "Wish I could...", "Waiting to..." and then look at it in the future and make a conscious effort to thrill in the small (and big) achievements of life. As Monica in friends would say, "Check!" Toni says, "Enjoy the choice you have made."

Like now. Not when r~ turns thirty! Oh! That reminds me. I was at b~ & p~'s place and we played with r~ and soon it was time to leave. p~ tells me we hardly got a chance to catch up, we can do that when they drop by our place. I tell her to drop by after 8 in the night so we stand a good chance that r~ is asleep so we can talk easily. p~ hesitates and tells me, "Umm...I want to play with r~, so I don't think I'll come after 8!"

I forget the main attraction nowadays is the little one. Duh.
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