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April 28, 2005

Daydreaming at night.

An attempt to unload excess baggage from my head, in the hope that it clears to make way for bags that are not so heavy to carry, sprinked with yen :)

Sometimes I wish my mind were just blank, a plain white canvas with no hint of a sketch on it. Isn’t a plain white canvas more conducive to creating a painting that evokes life? Isn’t an uncluttered mind a necessity to think lucidly? And yet, my mind won’t let go of superficialities that are scribbled on it unwittingly. Sometimes, I have to imagine a dusty black board and a duster and imagine myself cleaning my dusty mind, each stroke deliberately taken to remove layers of unwanted words, unheeded tears, irreconcilable altercations, unattainable aspirations and irrational fears.

It is easy to criticize, except oneself. I am astonished at my ignorance often, when by strange twists of fate, I find myself involved inextricably in the same actions that I deemed below my condescending scale of what I consider worthy. If only the oblivious critic would peep behind the curtains to see the amount of effort that goes behind each creation, however ordinary it may appear to be, he would not have the heart to criticize! How often have I been this critic until one day, I was the person behind the curtains and not in front of it?

If I had one wish, I would ask that my loved ones never be taken away from me and if I had a wish before that wish, I would ask that I never fear that I may live to see that day.

If I had one adornment to choose for myself, I would ask that I be given a string of jasmine flowers. I know not of a fragrance that endears more, of a hue that conveys more purity, of petals that convey more bashfulness even as they bloom...I know not of a flower more alluring in its beauty.

I want to write, not for a million eyes to read, but for a few hearts to feel. I want to write of a million different things, of dancing raindrops and smiling sunshine, of enchanting places and exotic cuisines, of wistful nostalgia and heart-breaking emotions, of unconstrained tears and amusing smiles, of fleeting moments and enduring pain, of love that hurts and those that I love…I want to write till I tire.

If all my friends lived a holler away, maybe I would spend more time creating pleasant memories everyday rather than just reflecting about those already created.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

" Isn’t an uncluttered mind a necessity to think lucidly?"

Jumble of twine, colorful and bright,
makes your weaving a beautiful sight.
Were your twine, white and sane,
would your tapestry be the same?


What follows, I started writing two nights ago, before getting distracted by life.
All but the last two lines of the piece were written then. The last two, just now.
I meant to post it earlier, but I realized after your latest post that it'll belong better here.

---
As you may have noticed, most of my comments are reactionary. (Which is probably why I dont write a blog of my own... but that's not what I set out to say). What I react to, is your writing. Maybe not all you write, but bits and pieces of it definitely touch a chord with something within me. But what I like about it is what happens after. I am motivated to put my feelings down in words... shape the jumble of thoughts in my head into tangible emotions. You're the catalyst to my self expression. For that, I thank you. So, my writing doesn't pale yours... if anything, my writing reacts to yours.

Some ritual soul baring of the blogger cult:
Maybe the fact that I cannot seem to express myself, unless in reaction, has something to do with what I've been reading. All I've read so far is popular (read junk) fiction. Horror is my genre of choice, with a healthy dose of science fiction thrown in to make it balanced and wholesome (*chuckle*). But, I think I'm going to start some "heavier" reading now. I'll probably start reading a few other blogs on a regular basis (who knew there was such wealth of expression in what I thought was no more than a journal). And then, maybe, I'll pick up "heavy literature". "The Mango Season" on your book list, for some reason, sounds like a good place to start.

So, this one here, is for you. A 'thank you' of sorts for putting your blog out there.

Ink and paper, black and white,
a million colors, the words you write.
Rain or shine, dark and day,
I look forward to what you have to say.
Paint a picture, sing a song,
Can I watch and hum along?

Anonymous said...

I don't find words that will do justice to describe what I felt yesterday and today... true bliss.

Thank you both,

-vv

virumandi said...

wow, atlast somebody who can write some heavy stuff (others..pardon me, this is the first heavy blog that i came across)..which in any way dont indicate that i too write such stuff..but i love too, after all who wont want to write good!!! the author by writing this has lighen her mind but burdened my mind (which was a blank sheet till now!!!) with so much to think about!!!

let me go through ur other postings and see if it is within my capability to atleast comment on them!!!

virumandi

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