February 07, 2005

I demand my share of pure, glorious happiness. Actors in movies always get their share - at happy-movie endings and I demand mine too. In life, if you have spent a considerable amount of time struggling to achieve something, and when you finally get what you want, why is there no cry of triumph? no pangs of thrill? no cant-stop-grinning phases? Why is life such a big anti-climax? This anti-climax-letdown is a common occurrence in my life: at the end of a one week long night-out session for my Bits compres, I would return back to my dorm after the exams, feeling....nothing. I would be tired, which is natural, I would be mildly interested in what I would do the next few free days, but was I exhilarated? No! Was not even bordering on grinning, leave alone exhilaration! A similar event today made me think - what is the point of my struggle if I cannot feel the satisfaction that I have achieved something? Does this mean what I was fighting for was not worth it or does it mean it was not important enough to affect my mood much or does it mean that I have moved on to other things that I want in life?

...whatever it is, its unfair and I want to make it fair. So, I have decided that, I will make a conscious effort to feel thrilled today; or atleast tomorrow; maybe if I want to feel thrilled, I eventually will feel thrilled.
© Ramya Sethuraman, All Rights Reserved.