April 14, 2005

I remember...

Snapshots in my mental eye, glimpses from the past, experiences that define me, relationships that mould me and epiphanies that lend meaning to my life; I am, but a making of these moments...

I remember...

  • when he first planted the seed of the idea in my head, convinced it would be fruitful...I remember being unsure.

  • when my hopes sored as we discussed the possibility of the idea, praying we could make it happen.

  • our first meeting, ideas pouring out, anxious but ambitious plans made, hoping it would not just remain an unfulfilled fantasy.

  • the pleasant sensation that coursed through me as one by one, people started trickling in, each person raising my confidence further that this was not a wishful figment of my imagination, it is happening!

  • being tensed, losing sleep, panicking before our very first big show, will this be the event that strengthens our bond to the community or will it end as a feeble attempt to infuse enthusiasm, where none existed? or did we not channel it wisely?

  • the smell of payasam that stayed in the car a week after the event, I remember feeling euphoric and nothing less, feeling that my heart could not beat any faster, feeling closer than I have ever felt, to myself, to people around and most importantly, feeling genuinely happy.

  • clapping my hands as they finished their dance routine, in perfect synchrony, drenched in sweat, a satisfied smile on their lips, I remember wondering if we could pull off a full fledged debate such as this, on stage, I remember feeling bad, almost guilty that he could not be there.

  • convincing him that we could make the crazy mohan drama happen, I remember picking up my cell phone with trepidation and whispering, in awe "இது மோஹன் Sir a?" and I remember not believing that the voice that answered back was indeed his...I remember him saying, almost incredulously "...we have gained a different level of repectability now, haven't we?"...I remember laughing when Mohan sir said "ரம்யா, இது உன் சமயல்னு நினச்சேன்??"...I remember feeling proud to see the plaque exchange hands...

  • feeling a mix of sadness, like something slipping out of my hands, a strange detachment and anxiety as I knew that this event marked the end of it all...but I knew somehow, that the bond has only been strengthened and that this was only the beginning.


Anonymous said...

I can understand your feelings ramya... I just cannot imagine to have a meet w/o u guys...But we have to accept the changes though its painful

kamal said...

Cool, you enjoyed your journey with LTCA. So did I :)

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