Scribble, scribble.

Hardly pearls of wisdom on a beautiful necklace, more like flawed bits that were discarded but still linger around, sometimes catching the eye with their glint, sometimes just ignored because they are far from perfect - thoughts from a confused mind.

I get angry sometimes when a well meaning someone points out exactly those faults in me that I do not want to acknowledge myself. The more accurate the observations, the more I deny it and the more annoyed I become. Maybe, it's just another bit of imperfection added to a growing pile that I don't want showcased to a world that has so many almost perfect people.

* * *
Ever wonder how we (I mean the variety of us human beings that tend to get more emotionally affected) have honed the art of mis-communication to perfection? I mean, two rational human beings, capable of logical thoughts and conclusions somehow lead themselves so far down the path of mis-understandings and mis-communications, I wonder how we manage to do that so often?

* * *
Why does my ego present its nasty head just when I don't want it to? I start to say what's on my mind, I intend to praise, to compliment, to speak my heart out and then suddenly I am not really saying what I wanted to say. The words changed during the course of their little journeys from my heart to my mouth.

* * *
Ever notice how the simplest things are the hardest to articulate?
I will miss you
I love you
I do
But then again, the most precious moments are made up of things left unsaid.

So, why do I say things that I just don't mean? Why does a resounding, resolute No escape me when I mean to say Yes ? And then there are times when it's so maddeningly hard to say no when no is all I want to say.

* * *
I feel the more I get to know a person, the more I like him. There's always something interesting, novel about an individual that fascinates me - talent, humour, insight, innocence, intelligence. I also feel every little step I take in getting closer to a person takes me on an unpredictable journey, one of delightful surprises, pleasing interactions, enlightening points of view, disconcerting arguments and the one thing that scares me - expectations. At this point in my journey, a little let-down, a small expectation that is not met and I assume I am falling all the way down, to the bottom. It takes me a while to realize I am not nearly as close to the top as I thought I was and now, I am not at the bottom as I fear I am. I am just hovering somewhere in between, hoping I will climb at a steady pace. After all, every relationship can go two ways and if you are not going up, it means you are going the other way. Maybe I can decide to be satisfied with the comfortable connection that I have established and remain where I am, maybe not.

* * *
I thrive on compliments, well maybe not thrive, but atleast I am thrilled by compliments. But, it's kind of an ungrateful and unsatiable master. Each sincere word of praise is like a pleasure bolt through me and then I sit expecting more, sometimes when there is little reason to expect more.
Oh, well!
* * *And on a totally different note, it is exactly six months since I started blogging :)

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