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June 01, 2005

Swinging along the pendulum, Life...

A pendulum, swinging along, gently at times, violently, to extremes at times, swinging all the time, searching all the time, to find the center, the essence...I cling to the pendulum as it takes me on its tumultuous journeys, my life a kaleidoscope of choices, of courses of action that I had taken in the past, of diverging paths that I need to discard or make my own today, of decisions hiding in the dark recesses of my mind that will haunt me in the future, of those that are merely dew drops on roses, gentle but frivolous caresses? Maybe they are decisions that will whisper pleasantly in my ear many years from now, gentle reminders of a wise judgement? I do not know, today, I just swing along with the pendulum...

Decisions...life is just one decision after another. I mull over the pros and cons, dwell on my preconceptions and prejudices, seek words of wisdom and helpful counsel and I swing with the pendulum, on yet another journey, to unknown thoughts and undiscovered feelings, buried within me, ebbing to the surface, sometimes with shocking revelations, sometimes with unexpected answers...I sway, undecided, each time, one moment convinced of a decision and at another, convinced that it's not right for me; my fickle mind hesitates, changes course and I mutely follow, hoping that it takes me to a destination that I shall find peace in.

Each time, the decision entwines itself inextricably with my self and I struggle to retain an identity that is not the decision itself; I worry about it, live in it and let myself be swallowed by it; each time, the decision becomes the panacea or the Pandora's box of my life, depending on which direction the pendulum swings, and the journey completed, I look back and see that it was neither - my imagination was playing tricks on me as it always has, enticing me to believe that the decision will mark, a triumph, a victory in my life or maybe mark my doom - all it was, was a small decision, a small stepping stone in a path filled with more such stones and many boulders, within and outside.

Perhaps, today, at this moment, the decision seems momentous and all-consuming to me, perhaps tomorrow, it will just be yet another triviality that I had over-indulged, yet another journey on the pendulum that had seemed the ultimate journey then but was just a simple swing; the vagaries of life will unveil more such journeys...maybe each journey will make the next one easier, wiser, a little less dramatic?...journeys that join hands to lend meaning to the one word - Life!

9 comments:

kamal said...

This emotional (feelings) piece was nice. You are good @ expressing yourself in words, something I find very difficult to do. Plus I have an additional vantage point to your writings :)

virumandi said...

'I just swing along with the pendulum' if u do this without any fore or second thoughts..then comes the clearance of all obstacles of prejudices that everybody has..simply put..take life as it comes!!!

the write up was awesome....

dinesh said...

Well written ! Nice flow..point beautifully conveyed !

"the vagaries of life will unveil more such journeys...maybe each journey will make the next one easier, wiser, a little less dramatic?."

From my little experiences, I've been lucky to be able to not make some mistakes, just from referring to my recent past. But, as time progresses, memory loss has caused the same mistakes all over again which makes me think..life's a lot trickier...it gives you an experience, and with it the satisfaction that you have learnt the lessons that come out of it. And soon enough, it makes you forget the lessons and you go "what now, am I back to square 1 ? ".

Pani said...

Nicely written. You seem to think too much about the outcome of your decision. You dont have to.

I totally agree with "maybe each journey will make the next one easier, wiser, a little less dramatic?...journeys that join hands to lend meaning to the one word - Life!". You are getting philosophical. I like it.

My belief is that the whole objective of life is to become wiser as you go through it. Every experience enriches the person. Hence it is important to be sincere in what we are doing. But at the same time, we cant be too worried about the outcome. Because there are other intangible factors that play a part in good measure in the outcome of anyone's endeavour. People attribute this to "God" or "Luck" or "Karma" depending upon their bent of mind.

But most offten we worry about the results than the effect of journey on us. Which is tragic?, failing once or failing to learn?.

So if we can be objective in analyzing the outcome (be it favourable or not) of our decisions, we could learn more out-of the experience and become wiser.

My philosophy is "Forget the pain, but remember the lesson!".

RS said...

To k: try it (expressing yourself) :)

To virumandi: True...and thanks !

To Dinesh: Thanks :)...have been in the same square 1s a whole bunch of times!

To pani: hmm...interesting, especially People attribute this to "God" or "Luck" or "Karma" depending upon their bent of mind. and Which is tragic?, failing once or failing to learn?.
- thought-provoking comment!

Mel Kris said...

A very thought provoking piece of writing. I think there are multiple interpretations of your expression (its kinda open to the imagination of the reader). Well - looks like you think a lot after picking up your choices - well I think I would do all the thinking before I make mine and then not worry too much 'bout it - for the next one would definitely be a better one if this one screwed up :)

Vivhyd said...

1st time here!! Decisions indeed are to be made in life even if it were to decide.. should I cross the road now?? (I get to make this a lot in India.. as we all do the Jay walking.. or in the US it is.. the darn traffic signal.. the change from green to red.. and the orange in b/w (takes ages.. if u would have noticed).. big decisions...

Kangs(கங்கா) said...

Your writing is excellent.. after finishing reading also.. still something swings like a pendulum

http://zendaily.blogspot.com/2005/03/blog-post_21.html#comments

Have a look at the above blog..

anu said...

Seriously i found ur prose to be more poetry and flow than an actual poetry. Good work da.

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