Ages ago, s~ and a~ decided to get creative and I decided to piggyback on the brainstorming process in the hope that some of the good stuff gets into my grey cells also and the result follows:
s~ wrote:
kOdhai avaL, pEdhai avaL,
thenkiLai rAdhai avaL;
soodi koduththAL avaL, nAdi thudiththAL avaL,
ranganai koodi mudiththAL aval.
rs~ wrote:
Daughter of the earth, infatuated so,
O, Radhai of the South,
who touched and sanctified,
pined in impassioned anticipation,
and became one with Rangan!
a~ sang!
October 08, 2007
October 07, 2007
Saawariya, Om-Shanti-Om & Aaja-nach-le!
After the excitement of Chak de, I am looking forward to Om Shanti Om, Saawariya and there's Aaja Nach Le too...
Caught a few sneak peaks of Saawariya on Sony TV - Rishi kapoor's son, Ranbir Kapoor and Anil Kapoor's daughter, Sonam Kapoor introduced by Sanjay Leela Bansali!
Om Shanti Om - namma aalu movie! SRK with a new image...can't wait to watch! Somehow reminds me of Hugh Grant in Music & Lyrics...
Yash Chopra's Aaja nach le trailer - finally she is back!
Another movie that is definitely not commercial Bollywood that seems like it would be worth watching...Vanaja
Vanaja photo from website: http://www.vanajathefilm.com/
Caught a few sneak peaks of Saawariya on Sony TV - Rishi kapoor's son, Ranbir Kapoor and Anil Kapoor's daughter, Sonam Kapoor introduced by Sanjay Leela Bansali!
Om Shanti Om - namma aalu movie! SRK with a new image...can't wait to watch! Somehow reminds me of Hugh Grant in Music & Lyrics...
Yash Chopra's Aaja nach le trailer - finally she is back!
Another movie that is definitely not commercial Bollywood that seems like it would be worth watching...Vanaja
Vanaja photo from website: http://www.vanajathefilm.com/
October 02, 2007
Farewell.
I wish I could write poems,
two lines to talk about you and me?
If I could only sing,
a song that's ours even when there's no us?
A rough sketch on a panel to remind me of your smile?
But, my hands remain still, the panel blank...
I thought our goodbye would be more than sad smiles and tear-filled eyes,
more than a firm hand-shake and a quick "Good bye".
Did I see it in a movie?
The long-drawn embrace and my face buried in your shoulders?
A smoke-filled reality that never was?
How then can I remember you? Your silly grins, your crooked nose,
your unkempt locks, falling over laughing eyes?
Perhaps, I will.
Now and then, when I close my eyes, or look into the distance.
Perhaps, I'll still hear you talk and laugh.
Now and then, when I sit in silence, or moments before I sleep.
I wish I didn't. But, I do. I do remember you.
S~ suggested "Memory", I initially called it "Old times", maybe I should call it "You"...have no idea what to call it now or if it's even worth searching for the right title...wrote it as I thought of friends who have left, romance somehow found it's way in; I am cursed, I can't write without my writing heavily doused in romance...oh well, whatever.
two lines to talk about you and me?
If I could only sing,
a song that's ours even when there's no us?
A rough sketch on a panel to remind me of your smile?
But, my hands remain still, the panel blank...
I thought our goodbye would be more than sad smiles and tear-filled eyes,
more than a firm hand-shake and a quick "Good bye".
Did I see it in a movie?
The long-drawn embrace and my face buried in your shoulders?
A smoke-filled reality that never was?
How then can I remember you? Your silly grins, your crooked nose,
your unkempt locks, falling over laughing eyes?
Perhaps, I will.
Now and then, when I close my eyes, or look into the distance.
Perhaps, I'll still hear you talk and laugh.
Now and then, when I sit in silence, or moments before I sleep.
I wish I didn't. But, I do. I do remember you.
S~ suggested "Memory", I initially called it "Old times", maybe I should call it "You"...have no idea what to call it now or if it's even worth searching for the right title...wrote it as I thought of friends who have left, romance somehow found it's way in; I am cursed, I can't write without my writing heavily doused in romance...oh well, whatever.
September 30, 2007
September 21, 2007
Relaaaaaaax, am not cool!
I think all of us need a nice, hearty throw-up session once in a while, a sort of emotional purging so we can "letitgooooo" and get on with our lives. I don't know if you noticed, but I think I am done teetering on the edge of insanity; I have official moved over to the "other" side. No, not to Voldemort's camp, silly! I mean just in life, I think it's high time I ack the fact that I am a bit crazy. Although, this does not give you the liberty to do the following:
You may not give me a "girl-over-the-edge" look and say "Relaaaax" in that annoyingly slow and stupid fashion, especially not at social get-togethers. An example might be:
A one-year-old is running around the house, darting under tables and tripping over legs and I watch her with a little bit of anxiety that is probably apparent on my face and then I hear, "Relaaaaax, Ramya, she will be fine". Jeez! I am relaxed, lady! If I relax anymore, I might go into a coma!
This happens quite often with me, maybe, people (mostly women, I wonder why) realize subconsciously that the word "relaaaax" ticks me off and they just want to experiment to see if I would completely lose it!
"The house is one fire!"
"Relaaaaaaaaaaaax"
"@#@$%^%**"
Sometimes, it's as if k has fun watching me become uncomfortable. He does just the things that would make me look like a nervous, over-the-edge, control freak. And then the above mentioned people would go, "Relaaaaaaaax, Ramya".
I have this uncanny super-power (ahem) to observe myself as not-myself :p And I notice I do that more often when am in a mixed social gathering - close friends + not-so-close friends + cool people + not-so-cool people. k, who considers himself cool will do a "cool" act and the not-so-cool people will immediately turn on their "righteousness-radars" and go tsk, tsk. And then the "me" that is watching "me" goes, "Uh oh, social gaffe alert, social gaffe alert!"
In my mind, somehow this will all turn into a big social blunder and k and I will be ostracized and we shall pack our small belongings and walk towards the village...hmm, well, not exactly, but I remember watching that scene in a movie (Thambiku enda ooru?) and that image stayed back with me. k thinks it's stuffy to say the "appropriate" things and do the "deemed-right" acts all the time, he thinks veering off-path once in a while adds spice to monotony. I agree, most times, except when the "not-cool" people go judging and tsk-tsking. I don't know why that bothers me. It does. Probably because I slipped and fell on my head, when I was 3. :p
I also get nervous before we head out on short/long trips. I have sudden mini-panic attacks like "Who will water all the plants?" (That have been ignored largely, all their life, have gotten used to the fact that they will be watered only once a week and have managed to thrive in our house :), "What if a crisis come up at work and they need me?" (Let's see, the last time that happened was...never!), "What if something happens to the house?" (The "something" remains a vague blob in my head, undefined)...k says I am a homing pigeon. Maybe or maybe because I just don't like driving. Especially on long trips. Doesn't matter if am driving or am in the passenger seat. I prefer to take a flight with all it's inherent risks anytime.
So, between the "relaaaaaaaaax" and the "cool-k-doing-cool-things-that-uncool-people-don't-get-that-inturn-makes-me-nervous" (well, there's also the homing-pigeon-routine but grammar and scary images of my English teacher prevent me from sneaking that in :p), I think I am certainly losing it. But people often don't "get" this. I tell k all this and he gives me a concerned look and says, "Do you want to take up yoga?"
!!!
You may not give me a "girl-over-the-edge" look and say "Relaaaax" in that annoyingly slow and stupid fashion, especially not at social get-togethers. An example might be:
A one-year-old is running around the house, darting under tables and tripping over legs and I watch her with a little bit of anxiety that is probably apparent on my face and then I hear, "Relaaaaax, Ramya, she will be fine". Jeez! I am relaxed, lady! If I relax anymore, I might go into a coma!
This happens quite often with me, maybe, people (mostly women, I wonder why) realize subconsciously that the word "relaaaax" ticks me off and they just want to experiment to see if I would completely lose it!
"The house is one fire!"
"Relaaaaaaaaaaaax"
"@#@$%^%**"
Sometimes, it's as if k has fun watching me become uncomfortable. He does just the things that would make me look like a nervous, over-the-edge, control freak. And then the above mentioned people would go, "Relaaaaaaaax, Ramya".
*~*~*
I have this uncanny super-power (ahem) to observe myself as not-myself :p And I notice I do that more often when am in a mixed social gathering - close friends + not-so-close friends + cool people + not-so-cool people. k, who considers himself cool will do a "cool" act and the not-so-cool people will immediately turn on their "righteousness-radars" and go tsk, tsk. And then the "me" that is watching "me" goes, "Uh oh, social gaffe alert, social gaffe alert!"
In my mind, somehow this will all turn into a big social blunder and k and I will be ostracized and we shall pack our small belongings and walk towards the village...hmm, well, not exactly, but I remember watching that scene in a movie (Thambiku enda ooru?) and that image stayed back with me. k thinks it's stuffy to say the "appropriate" things and do the "deemed-right" acts all the time, he thinks veering off-path once in a while adds spice to monotony. I agree, most times, except when the "not-cool" people go judging and tsk-tsking. I don't know why that bothers me. It does. Probably because I slipped and fell on my head, when I was 3. :p
*~*~*
I also get nervous before we head out on short/long trips. I have sudden mini-panic attacks like "Who will water all the plants?" (That have been ignored largely, all their life, have gotten used to the fact that they will be watered only once a week and have managed to thrive in our house :), "What if a crisis come up at work and they need me?" (Let's see, the last time that happened was...never!), "What if something happens to the house?" (The "something" remains a vague blob in my head, undefined)...k says I am a homing pigeon. Maybe or maybe because I just don't like driving. Especially on long trips. Doesn't matter if am driving or am in the passenger seat. I prefer to take a flight with all it's inherent risks anytime.
*~*~*
So, between the "relaaaaaaaaax" and the "cool-k-doing-cool-things-that-uncool-people-don't-get-that-inturn-makes-me-nervous" (well, there's also the homing-pigeon-routine but grammar and scary images of my English teacher prevent me from sneaking that in :p), I think I am certainly losing it. But people often don't "get" this. I tell k all this and he gives me a concerned look and says, "Do you want to take up yoga?"
!!!
September 13, 2007
Guess!
Lust-laden fire scorches my soul,
As taunting glimpses of your face dissolve in the endless skies;
Destroy, I must, the maya of sinful desire,
Or I pray that I should breathe my last;
Possessed by passion, my body yearns for sacred fulfillment,
Mistress of my desires, do alight to quench my thirst;
My heart ruled by you, my being forever tainted by the beauty of your youth,
Night falls pregnant with passion, dreams leading it into dawn;
My existence shaken by the whirlwind of desires,
Rescue me, Oh Goddess, rescue me!
Taken quite a few liberties with the interpretation. Apologies for the same. L~, this was more difficult that the previous ones, would have been lost without mom's help :p
Not sure if I should drop hints or it's going to be a snap for you guys. It's a Tamil song. That's my first clue :)
Clue2: Setting of the song:
Clue3: Theme of the movie
On love, ego, fidelity, obsession? and how music ties it all together...directed by K.Balachander.
PS - Answer in comments!
As taunting glimpses of your face dissolve in the endless skies;
Destroy, I must, the maya of sinful desire,
Or I pray that I should breathe my last;
Possessed by passion, my body yearns for sacred fulfillment,
Mistress of my desires, do alight to quench my thirst;
My heart ruled by you, my being forever tainted by the beauty of your youth,
Night falls pregnant with passion, dreams leading it into dawn;
My existence shaken by the whirlwind of desires,
Rescue me, Oh Goddess, rescue me!
Taken quite a few liberties with the interpretation. Apologies for the same. L~, this was more difficult that the previous ones, would have been lost without mom's help :p
Not sure if I should drop hints or it's going to be a snap for you guys. It's a Tamil song. That's my first clue :)
Clue2: Setting of the song:
Clue3: Theme of the movie
On love, ego, fidelity, obsession? and how music ties it all together...directed by K.Balachander.
PS - Answer in comments!
September 05, 2007
On Food & Khana & Saapadu!
So, we had a fun long weekend at Smoky mountains - 4 participants of the previous generation and b&p, k&I - needless to say, there were quite a few interesting incidents :)
Highlights:
* Every trip only revolves around one thing - FOOD! k & p~ started planning the menu a month back and the two cars that were driven to Gatlingburg had a greater propotion of food items than people! Our menu for our 2 nights and 3 days stay at the cabin -
Makes us feel wanted and not so alone, after a long time...solitude is fun, only for a while though before it translates to loneliness...know what I mean?
Highlights:
* Every trip only revolves around one thing - FOOD! k & p~ started planning the menu a month back and the two cars that were driven to Gatlingburg had a greater propotion of food items than people! Our menu for our 2 nights and 3 days stay at the cabin -
- Sat Evening (Gatlinburg Cabin) - Home-made sandwich with tomatoes, cucumbers - cut just so small, potato slices and seasoning
- Sun Morning - Poha - made to perfection by k and a pot full of chai
- Sun Afternoon - Tacos - sour cream, black beans, cheese, salsa and lettuce, Grilled Corn/Pineapple/Tomatoes/Green Peppers
- Sun Evening - Bhel - made Bombay style by k again.
- Mon Morning - Chai, fluffy Khari biscuits dipped in chai (yum!)
- Mon Evening - Olive Garden!
- In-between our meals, we managed to go on a sky-ride, use the hot-tub and jacuzzi in our cabin, celebrate p~'s birthday, go hiking and play mini-golf!
- "Don't eat old food. Food has most nutrients when eaten fresh" - which translates to cook fresh food for lunch and cook fresh food for dinner! k's mom manages the lunch turn and dinner falls on k and me, which we are managing without major incidents, till now :p
- "Don't leave vessels in the sink." - which translates to load dish-washer two-three times a day!
- "What are these old fruits/vegetables/frozen food items doing in the fridge for more than 2 days?" - means buy if you intend to cook/eat it today or tomorrow. Day-after is a stretch!
- "Too much rush in the morning...." - means, wake up earlier, you sleepy-heads!
- "Don't waste food! Don't save it for tomorrow!" - means eat it all today or cook to precision - there is no maid to give away all the extra food to!
- "Too bland", "Too cold", "Too gooey", "Too spicy" vs "Food! Cool, let's eat!"
Makes us feel wanted and not so alone, after a long time...solitude is fun, only for a while though before it translates to loneliness...know what I mean?
August 30, 2007
On ILs and assorted irrational fears - 2
- k's parents reached Lex last night! I gave his mom a bouquet of roses! P~'s parents also came with them! It was all one happy reunion!
- My dazzle-with-dinner attempt met with lukewarm responses - k was really sweet and tried to mask it all with, "Dinner was good, Ramya!" So, A+ for his effort :)
- Made tea without much fiasco this morning while k slept in (took a day off!)
- Slept after 1 AM last night - talking to ILs, so feeling pretty woozy...
August 28, 2007
Fun with PJs and IMs.
kamal_shah@....can I say this ..
ramya_sethur...yes
ramya_sethur...u say it like this
ramya_sethur..."this"
The fun part (Apologies to my English Prof...you never know!) of chatting with your spouse at work :p
On a disconnected note (Aren't they always?) -
"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her. - Oscar Wilde"
Wonder what (all) Oscar Wilde meant by that... :)
ramya_sethur...yes
ramya_sethur...u say it like this
ramya_sethur..."this"
The fun part (Apologies to my English Prof...you never know!) of chatting with your spouse at work :p
On a disconnected note (Aren't they always?) -
"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her. - Oscar Wilde"
Wonder what (all) Oscar Wilde meant by that... :)
August 24, 2007
On ILs and assorted irrational fears - 1
Now, am a pretty nice girl, wouldn't you agree? Patient, smart, accommodating, obedient, not your typical speaks-her-mind, tells-off-husband-sometimes, impulsive, sometimes dominating, unreasonable? modern wife...right? RIGHT?!
Well, ok, most of that is a stretch. I am probably more of the latter than the former (in my defense, I am supremely patient, just watch me at the dentist's office!)...but I still can't figure out why am so anxious about a visit from the MIL and FIL. I mean, they like me (ha, ha, very funny but no they did not say that because I threatened them, they meant it...I challenge you to get "the-best-DIL/SIL" certificate from your ILs...there!). So where was I? Yeah, so they like me, really. So, why am I so nervous about their visit? You would think I party all-night long, have breakfast in bed without brushing my teeth and roam around in mini-skirts and tank-tops all day long! But no. I wear nice salwaar-kameezes with big bindis and bangles, sarees (if I have one of my girl-friends over to help); to work I wear jeans (without holes) and full-hand t-shirts (always so darn cold in the office)...I cook edible (read healthy) food and am a good wife or at least try real hard...ok, well...at least try to be one.
So, why am I biting my nails down to their skins? Well, I don't really bite my nails, but you get the picture...
Anyway, k is tired of hearing this from me, so you poor folks need to tolerate my emotional outpour over the next few months.
* I wonder if FIL will hate my Bharathanatyam make-up? Especially my scary kohl drenched eyes...
* I wonder if MIL will think am spoilt 'coz I get up late on weekends...and not so early on weekdays either (well 8 is pretty decent, if you ask me)...
* I wonder if they will be ok if I ask k to do the dishes on the days I cook...
* Which reminds me, I seem to have forgotten how to cook! Are laptops allowed in the kitchen?
* Can I lounge for a few hours everyday (after work, after a tough day of blood and sweat, err bits and bytes...whatever, pot-ae-to, pot-ah-to) in my PJs...watching Reba or Still Standing?
* Can I....static....overload....core dumped.
Well, ok, most of that is a stretch. I am probably more of the latter than the former (in my defense, I am supremely patient, just watch me at the dentist's office!)...but I still can't figure out why am so anxious about a visit from the MIL and FIL. I mean, they like me (ha, ha, very funny but no they did not say that because I threatened them, they meant it...I challenge you to get "the-best-DIL/SIL" certificate from your ILs...there!). So where was I? Yeah, so they like me, really. So, why am I so nervous about their visit? You would think I party all-night long, have breakfast in bed without brushing my teeth and roam around in mini-skirts and tank-tops all day long! But no. I wear nice salwaar-kameezes with big bindis and bangles, sarees (if I have one of my girl-friends over to help); to work I wear jeans (without holes) and full-hand t-shirts (always so darn cold in the office)...I cook edible (read healthy) food and am a good wife or at least try real hard...ok, well...at least try to be one.
So, why am I biting my nails down to their skins? Well, I don't really bite my nails, but you get the picture...
Anyway, k is tired of hearing this from me, so you poor folks need to tolerate my emotional outpour over the next few months.
* I wonder if FIL will hate my Bharathanatyam make-up? Especially my scary kohl drenched eyes...
* I wonder if MIL will think am spoilt 'coz I get up late on weekends...and not so early on weekdays either (well 8 is pretty decent, if you ask me)...
* I wonder if they will be ok if I ask k to do the dishes on the days I cook...
* Which reminds me, I seem to have forgotten how to cook! Are laptops allowed in the kitchen?
* Can I lounge for a few hours everyday (after work, after a tough day of blood and sweat, err bits and bytes...whatever, pot-ae-to, pot-ah-to) in my PJs...watching Reba or Still Standing?
* Can I....static....overload....core dumped.
August 21, 2007
The moment has passed...
Ever felt lost in those scenes that seemed to steal the words from your heart? Mesmerized by the magic of the moment...when the dialogues seem perfect and somehow familiar? Like you have heard it before in your dreams, in your own wistful musings, in another lifetime perhaps?
"When you love someone.
You say it, you say it out loud.
Right now. Or the moment..."
Long pause...when he stares right into her eyes, as if searching for something...a glint of understanding? An affirmation? For those few moments, the sounds of the waves hitting the shore die down, the boat's motor stops roaring, just silence and a comfortable warmth as they look at each other; the sun ripples off the waves and fills everything around them in a golden haze...and a heartbeat later, the boat passes under a bridge, he swallows hard and she looks away, breaking the spell...the sun shines on them again but, the moment has passed.
"... passes you by, yeah."
Or the succinct, powerful, absolutely-madly-irrevocably-in-love declaration by Robert to Francesca:
"This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime."
Just perfect.
And just like life.
"When you love someone.
You say it, you say it out loud.
Right now. Or the moment..."
Long pause...when he stares right into her eyes, as if searching for something...a glint of understanding? An affirmation? For those few moments, the sounds of the waves hitting the shore die down, the boat's motor stops roaring, just silence and a comfortable warmth as they look at each other; the sun ripples off the waves and fills everything around them in a golden haze...and a heartbeat later, the boat passes under a bridge, he swallows hard and she looks away, breaking the spell...the sun shines on them again but, the moment has passed.
"... passes you by, yeah."
Or the succinct, powerful, absolutely-madly-irrevocably-in-love declaration by Robert to Francesca:
"This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime."
Just perfect.
And just like life.
August 16, 2007
Won't you stay back?
This sucks. People, hear me loud and clear. If you want to leave, don't get to know me. If it's too late for that, then at least don't be my friend. Jeez! Is it too late for that too? Then at least don't become a close friend! Don't have a good sense of humor, don't make my days any easier, don't relate to me, don't listen and please act distracted when I talk. Frown and interrupt, talk obsessively about yourself, act lost when I express a vague thought and delight in my little blunders.
What brought this on? One of my colleagues at work is leaving for good! He is fun to work with, cracks me up with his jokes and is smart! So, I thought if all the people around me who make my life a bit more pleasant, a bit more fun start leaving, where does that leave me?!
Aside-->Wait a minute...even if that happens. Internet is not going anywhere. I can still blog. And my blogging friends will still exist no matter where they move to. Gosh! Don't you just love technology at times? You guys rock!
Somehow, email doesn't quite work when we really want to stay in touch. It is really a mode of impersonal communication, I can think of several misunderstandings that originated from emails. So many of my close friends have left or perhaps I did. But, the few emails I get from them (usually piggyback-emails congratulating, commiserating, announcing significant events) only make them more distant than they already are. A sudden flash of a smile on a teenage kid I once thought was one of my best friends in Bits fades in and just as quickly fades out as I finish reading,
"Hey, happy birthday! Have fun machan!"
No unread emails.
Oh well. Life goes on. Just that sometimes everything seems to go still for a moment when a fond memory, an impulsive hug, the glint of a tear when we parted...unspoken words carried away by the wind alight unbidden...and then it's business as usual.
What brought this on? One of my colleagues at work is leaving for good! He is fun to work with, cracks me up with his jokes and is smart! So, I thought if all the people around me who make my life a bit more pleasant, a bit more fun start leaving, where does that leave me?!
Aside-->Wait a minute...even if that happens. Internet is not going anywhere. I can still blog. And my blogging friends will still exist no matter where they move to. Gosh! Don't you just love technology at times? You guys rock!
Somehow, email doesn't quite work when we really want to stay in touch. It is really a mode of impersonal communication, I can think of several misunderstandings that originated from emails. So many of my close friends have left or perhaps I did. But, the few emails I get from them (usually piggyback-emails congratulating, commiserating, announcing significant events) only make them more distant than they already are. A sudden flash of a smile on a teenage kid I once thought was one of my best friends in Bits fades in and just as quickly fades out as I finish reading,
"Hey, happy birthday! Have fun machan!"
No unread emails.
Oh well. Life goes on. Just that sometimes everything seems to go still for a moment when a fond memory, an impulsive hug, the glint of a tear when we parted...unspoken words carried away by the wind alight unbidden...and then it's business as usual.
August 10, 2007
A journey with many stops...
So, our predominantly singles gang in Lex has now jumped teams and most of our members now fall in the to-be/just/recently married category. For someone who has lived here for the past 7 years, this is another of those changes that I initially need to make adjustments to accommodate, and then adjust and finally assimilate. I remember a comment I heard recently that the real friendships are forged during your College days (For some reason, this reminds me of "Musthapha Musthapha..." from Kadhal Desam - I saw it in Bits and loved the experience - a bunch of us lit candles although it was forbidden, threw paper bits, it was riot!) but I have gained some meaningful experience and hopefully a few long-lasting relationships after Bits...In terms of social life and relationships, living in America has been quite an interesting journey for me.
GOLU @ my apartment.
In 2000 (the year I came to the US), I had no idea that I would be sharing a one-bedroom apartment with a 30 year old woman from Hyderabad who had spent several years living in N.India and then Canada and had an almost fanatical urge to keep everything squeaky clean (let's call her R~), a 20 year old from Hyderabad and a 22 (25?) year old from Madras. So the 4 of us managed to co-exist in that apartment for about a month when R~ decided she had had enough of us and she would prefer the apartment to herself. So, we packed our few belongings as R~ scrubbed the kitchen floor and we shifted (one of my many moves as a student) to a 1BR apartment in another block. Life was all hunky-dory. The 3 of us decorated the apartment, unpacked as much as we could (I kept most of my Indian dresses and winter wear in my humongous "India-suitcase") due to the limited closet space. I learnt to cook (still remember the first dish I made -a pulav with peas, three spoons turmeric and less salt, k taught me to make maggi and tea!), kept my first Golu, and was thrilled about it. My gang was predominantly Telugu-speaking and I picked up the language fast and even watched a couple of movies (Murari?, Manasantha Nuvve...). And wished I could also watch Tamil movies at times. Unfortunately the small Tamil gang at that time was pretty closed, under-grad friends who didn't seem like they were accepting new members :p
Never thought I would learn to even stand upright on skates!
Several exciting, stressful, happy - trips, fights, confessions, talks, moves later, I became friends with a Marathi/Hindi gang. Around this time I shared an apartment for a short time with a memorable room-mate, a 65 year old Bengali lady who stored a huge fish in her fridge everyday - it was always there, stored above the vegetable tray - I stopped storing anything other than milk in the fridge, I also stopped cooking at home. How I came to stay with her is an interesting story, about my not having an apartment and being declined temporary accommodation from all the senior Indian girls in the apartment complex :p Anyway, by then, I had moved away from my earlier gang, just a general drifting-apart in some cases, conscious moving-away in others and I began to fit in with my new gang. I wished I could speak/see/hear some Tamil though. Finally, k probably bored of my constant complaints suggested that I start a Tamil Cultural Assoc (at that time the Indian Students Association frowned upon regional movie screenings and any thing presented in a language other than Hindi/English), around that time I remember meeting D~ (my first impression of him was "Gosh, this guy is critical of everything in Lex!" - he found it strange that we did not have dinner in big groups and sometimes ate alone, he mentioned it about three times the first time I took him to Walmart and I thought he was a strange sort of guy! D~, by the time you get to reading this post, it would be pretty old anyway, so am hoping this will kinda slip by unnoticed :p), so anyway, I had my first real conversation with D~ about starting a Tamil Cultural Assoc and the rest as they say is history (Yeah, yeah, I like to gloat! So what?). Finally I had my beloved mother-tongue all around me and I reveled in her embrace!
During my trip to Arizona (for some reason, I had an impulse to try out pigtails :p)
Around 2003, I had a good mix of Hindi and Tamil speaking friends and then a Gujarathi (Yes, I insist on the "H") room-mate. More drifting-apart, fights, make-ups, messy birthday parties and impulsive road trips later, I now find myself in a predominantly Tamil-speaking mini-community. The surprising outcome of organizing cultural events is that I got to know the mamas and maamis in Lex and in some strange, comforting way they filled a gap in my life - I still missed my parents and relatives back home, but now I have people to remind me of them, to ask me where I purchased the pattu podava I am wearing, was it one of my marriage sarees? Someone to say, not unlike relatives back in India - "You should drop by more often, we are at home only, come and join us for dinner sometime..."
My very first car, my cute '93 Camry which I lost in an accident :(
Talking about relationships, I enjoyed working with the professors @ UK, I remember having interesting discussions, academic and otherwise with my professors - my Math TA prof, my Statistics-TA prof, my advisor. And I cannot forget the day when the wretched lady in my department insisted that I had forged my professor's signature on my defense slip and perhaps, I would never be allowed to get a degree. In retrospect, I think I shouldn't have cried and depended on my advisor to sort it out, I should have handled it myself. But, he was an angel that day, who convinced her that I was a good student who deserved her degree :p God bless him (although he made me edit my project report 11 times - each time the proposal would be smudged with red lines - "Dangling participle", "Active, not passive!", "Wrong use of the word 'example'", "The density of red on this page is too high for me to continue!").
Guess who managed to graduate!
Anyway, coming back to Tamil, k's complete sentences in Tamil surprise me every now and then. All my years at Lex, I yearned to experience my mother-tongue and finally it had come true. k says I tend to exaggerate when I tell him how all my life, I have wanted to learn and be near Tamil, as if "she" were a real person, a friend I sorely missed...I don't think he believes my story that I cried for weeks together when we shifted to Bangalore from Madras in the 80s, I sense his mild skepticism when I tell him, 5 years later no-one was happier than I when we shifted back to Madras; I insisted on taking Tamil as my third language in-spite of 5 years of Kannada and Hindi and I actually did pretty well (thanks to my mom's help with essays on Bharathiyaar) :)
So, believe it or not, I know "exactly" what the phrase below means...perhaps I needed to be away to realize how much I missed it...Bharathantyam and living-in-Madras are other example s of this same feeling (Not only am I repetitive, so are my feelings!) but that's a whole new post!
"தமிழுக்கு அமுதென்று பேர், இந்த தமிழ் எங்கள் தமிழ் இன்பம் உயிருக்கு நேர்..."
Talk about digressing! I started writing about marriages and friends and landed up in languages! Gosh, I can think of a million other things to write about my student life here but it's lunch time and am starved! Anyway, I discovered some old photos and thought I would add some visual touches to my disconnected reminiscence.
Life...can be strange at times. Memories too. But, in a comfortable sort of way.
Fall in Lex (when we were still students @ UK)...a season when our sleepy little town explodes in colors!
p.s - apologies for the spelling mistakes in Tamil.
GOLU @ my apartment.
In 2000 (the year I came to the US), I had no idea that I would be sharing a one-bedroom apartment with a 30 year old woman from Hyderabad who had spent several years living in N.India and then Canada and had an almost fanatical urge to keep everything squeaky clean (let's call her R~), a 20 year old from Hyderabad and a 22 (25?) year old from Madras. So the 4 of us managed to co-exist in that apartment for about a month when R~ decided she had had enough of us and she would prefer the apartment to herself. So, we packed our few belongings as R~ scrubbed the kitchen floor and we shifted (one of my many moves as a student) to a 1BR apartment in another block. Life was all hunky-dory. The 3 of us decorated the apartment, unpacked as much as we could (I kept most of my Indian dresses and winter wear in my humongous "India-suitcase") due to the limited closet space. I learnt to cook (still remember the first dish I made -a pulav with peas, three spoons turmeric and less salt, k taught me to make maggi and tea!), kept my first Golu, and was thrilled about it. My gang was predominantly Telugu-speaking and I picked up the language fast and even watched a couple of movies (Murari?, Manasantha Nuvve...). And wished I could also watch Tamil movies at times. Unfortunately the small Tamil gang at that time was pretty closed, under-grad friends who didn't seem like they were accepting new members :p
Never thought I would learn to even stand upright on skates!
Several exciting, stressful, happy - trips, fights, confessions, talks, moves later, I became friends with a Marathi/Hindi gang. Around this time I shared an apartment for a short time with a memorable room-mate, a 65 year old Bengali lady who stored a huge fish in her fridge everyday - it was always there, stored above the vegetable tray - I stopped storing anything other than milk in the fridge, I also stopped cooking at home. How I came to stay with her is an interesting story, about my not having an apartment and being declined temporary accommodation from all the senior Indian girls in the apartment complex :p Anyway, by then, I had moved away from my earlier gang, just a general drifting-apart in some cases, conscious moving-away in others and I began to fit in with my new gang. I wished I could speak/see/hear some Tamil though. Finally, k probably bored of my constant complaints suggested that I start a Tamil Cultural Assoc (at that time the Indian Students Association frowned upon regional movie screenings and any thing presented in a language other than Hindi/English), around that time I remember meeting D~ (my first impression of him was "Gosh, this guy is critical of everything in Lex!" - he found it strange that we did not have dinner in big groups and sometimes ate alone, he mentioned it about three times the first time I took him to Walmart and I thought he was a strange sort of guy! D~, by the time you get to reading this post, it would be pretty old anyway, so am hoping this will kinda slip by unnoticed :p), so anyway, I had my first real conversation with D~ about starting a Tamil Cultural Assoc and the rest as they say is history (Yeah, yeah, I like to gloat! So what?). Finally I had my beloved mother-tongue all around me and I reveled in her embrace!
During my trip to Arizona (for some reason, I had an impulse to try out pigtails :p)
Around 2003, I had a good mix of Hindi and Tamil speaking friends and then a Gujarathi (Yes, I insist on the "H") room-mate. More drifting-apart, fights, make-ups, messy birthday parties and impulsive road trips later, I now find myself in a predominantly Tamil-speaking mini-community. The surprising outcome of organizing cultural events is that I got to know the mamas and maamis in Lex and in some strange, comforting way they filled a gap in my life - I still missed my parents and relatives back home, but now I have people to remind me of them, to ask me where I purchased the pattu podava I am wearing, was it one of my marriage sarees? Someone to say, not unlike relatives back in India - "You should drop by more often, we are at home only, come and join us for dinner sometime..."
My very first car, my cute '93 Camry which I lost in an accident :(Talking about relationships, I enjoyed working with the professors @ UK, I remember having interesting discussions, academic and otherwise with my professors - my Math TA prof, my Statistics-TA prof, my advisor. And I cannot forget the day when the wretched lady in my department insisted that I had forged my professor's signature on my defense slip and perhaps, I would never be allowed to get a degree. In retrospect, I think I shouldn't have cried and depended on my advisor to sort it out, I should have handled it myself. But, he was an angel that day, who convinced her that I was a good student who deserved her degree :p God bless him (although he made me edit my project report 11 times - each time the proposal would be smudged with red lines - "Dangling participle", "Active, not passive!", "Wrong use of the word 'example'", "The density of red on this page is too high for me to continue!").
Guess who managed to graduate!
Anyway, coming back to Tamil, k's complete sentences in Tamil surprise me every now and then. All my years at Lex, I yearned to experience my mother-tongue and finally it had come true. k says I tend to exaggerate when I tell him how all my life, I have wanted to learn and be near Tamil, as if "she" were a real person, a friend I sorely missed...I don't think he believes my story that I cried for weeks together when we shifted to Bangalore from Madras in the 80s, I sense his mild skepticism when I tell him, 5 years later no-one was happier than I when we shifted back to Madras; I insisted on taking Tamil as my third language in-spite of 5 years of Kannada and Hindi and I actually did pretty well (thanks to my mom's help with essays on Bharathiyaar) :)
So, believe it or not, I know "exactly" what the phrase below means...perhaps I needed to be away to realize how much I missed it...Bharathantyam and living-in-Madras are other example s of this same feeling (Not only am I repetitive, so are my feelings!) but that's a whole new post!
"தமிழுக்கு அமுதென்று பேர், இந்த தமிழ் எங்கள் தமிழ் இன்பம் உயிருக்கு நேர்..."
Talk about digressing! I started writing about marriages and friends and landed up in languages! Gosh, I can think of a million other things to write about my student life here but it's lunch time and am starved! Anyway, I discovered some old photos and thought I would add some visual touches to my disconnected reminiscence.
Life...can be strange at times. Memories too. But, in a comfortable sort of way.
Fall in Lex (when we were still students @ UK)...a season when our sleepy little town explodes in colors!p.s - apologies for the spelling mistakes in Tamil.
August 03, 2007
August 01, 2007
If only...
Words. Slippery little devils. That's what they are. So often, I open my mouth to express a wish, a thought, a feeling and the little devils twist and turn and change flavors so that I end up saying not entirely what I felt, sometimes not at all...how many lifetimes would I have to spend before I say exactly what I feel right when I feel it, when it would make the most sense, when it would convey the feeling it ought to convey? Instead, I churn and chew and mull over the same thoughts and emotions until the perfect little train of words that ought to have conveyed what I felt are lost in the dark, and am left with cliches, awkward pauses and silences bereft of their meaning...and I sit staring at the old email, holding a phone receiver that is silent after the click at the other end...wondering for the umpteenth time if I should have handled it better...
Sometimes, what we call "advancement" might just be another step backward...of course, a million unopened proposals floating over the web and 143s cluttering chat messages claim otherwise, but nothing beats an honest, face-to-face conversation where expressions and gestures fill in the gaps where words cannot...when I know by his walk, the way his eyes linger over seeming nothings, the way he breathes, when he knows exactly what he wants to say and I hear him say it, sometimes with words, but equally well without...ah, but what we do instead is convince ourselves that a phone call a month or a few lines emailed in a hurry between meetings to a loved one will fulfill the purpose that reading her face and laughing with her will...
We are a lazy bunch. We want to communicate and not commute. And so we type what we think is an email that is as good as a personal meeting, a chat that supposedly reflects what we think, even a telephone call that tries to share our thoughts...and we misread the silences, the symbols, the unspoken words...and before we know it, it's over - the connection and the relationship with it has ended even before it began. But, the memory remains. Like an old scar that never quite heals, a dull pain that surfaces to remind you of the unfinished chapters in your life...
If I had instead talked to you, standing in front of you, holding your hand, watching you as I said the words that painted my thoughts, would you have understood?
PS - Don't worry if you don't get what am saying, sometimes I don't get it either :)
Sometimes, what we call "advancement" might just be another step backward...of course, a million unopened proposals floating over the web and 143s cluttering chat messages claim otherwise, but nothing beats an honest, face-to-face conversation where expressions and gestures fill in the gaps where words cannot...when I know by his walk, the way his eyes linger over seeming nothings, the way he breathes, when he knows exactly what he wants to say and I hear him say it, sometimes with words, but equally well without...ah, but what we do instead is convince ourselves that a phone call a month or a few lines emailed in a hurry between meetings to a loved one will fulfill the purpose that reading her face and laughing with her will...
We are a lazy bunch. We want to communicate and not commute. And so we type what we think is an email that is as good as a personal meeting, a chat that supposedly reflects what we think, even a telephone call that tries to share our thoughts...and we misread the silences, the symbols, the unspoken words...and before we know it, it's over - the connection and the relationship with it has ended even before it began. But, the memory remains. Like an old scar that never quite heals, a dull pain that surfaces to remind you of the unfinished chapters in your life...
If I had instead talked to you, standing in front of you, holding your hand, watching you as I said the words that painted my thoughts, would you have understood?
PS - Don't worry if you don't get what am saying, sometimes I don't get it either :)
July 26, 2007
Harry Potter @ Joseph Beth!
The line outside Joseph Beth...we got the book @ 12.35 AM - time just flew!
Inside Joseph Beth, before 12 AM, k trying to mimic a crazy teenage HP fan...
k being all nice...
Inside Joseph Beth...
Harry Potter is a phenomenon that I wish had lasted much longer...like happy childhood memories, we wish to re-visit it just one more time and it's always over too soon...
People from the "big and busy" cities in the US, visit Lexington and then tell us, "Gosh! This is a small town, I would be bored here!" I can't explain to them what makes life interesting for us, Lexingtonians...not with a convincing flow of arguments anyway, it's just not one particular place or event, it's a sum total of small bundles of pleasant happenings (which often cannot be explained to be understood - like trying to explain to a person who doesn't read books, what it is like to stay up late in the night, immersed in another life, almost as real as this one)...and standing in the long line around Joseph-Beth the eve of of a Harry Potter book release is one such event...
This time we reached pretty early, 11.10 PM and took our time watching and sharing the enthusiasm of kids and adults dressed as colorful HP characters...Fred and George, Mad-eye moody, Tonks, several Harry Potters, Hermiones...gosh, you have to be there to know what I am talking about...I would be way too restless to stay @ home and count every minute until the precious book reached me!
It's small events like these that make life interesting for me - Georgetown Kite Festival, Shakespeare Festival, Harry Potter book release @ Joseph Beth, Garba-Dandya during navratri @ the temple, plays @ Danville...small traditions that make a difference, that help to strengthen the tenuous bond that desis have towards their adopted home towns...
For me, FRIENDS, Everybody loves Raymond, Full House reruns and more recently Reba and Still Standing fall into the same category; if I ever go back for good, these will be among those things, however trivial, that I miss about life here...
Oh well...anyway, still can't get over the fact that the HP saga is over. I just cannot believe how Rowling managed to create a world so fantastic yet realistic, how she managed to etch class differences in society (goblins and wizards), everyday life and work (Ministry of Magic for example), romances and tragedies in a world so unlike our own yet making us live and feel and cry with the characters as if they really existed...I wonder which other book will make me forget my sleep and stand for an hour in front of the book store?
Inside Joseph Beth, before 12 AM, k trying to mimic a crazy teenage HP fan...
k being all nice...
Inside Joseph Beth...
Harry Potter is a phenomenon that I wish had lasted much longer...like happy childhood memories, we wish to re-visit it just one more time and it's always over too soon...
People from the "big and busy" cities in the US, visit Lexington and then tell us, "Gosh! This is a small town, I would be bored here!" I can't explain to them what makes life interesting for us, Lexingtonians...not with a convincing flow of arguments anyway, it's just not one particular place or event, it's a sum total of small bundles of pleasant happenings (which often cannot be explained to be understood - like trying to explain to a person who doesn't read books, what it is like to stay up late in the night, immersed in another life, almost as real as this one)...and standing in the long line around Joseph-Beth the eve of of a Harry Potter book release is one such event...
This time we reached pretty early, 11.10 PM and took our time watching and sharing the enthusiasm of kids and adults dressed as colorful HP characters...Fred and George, Mad-eye moody, Tonks, several Harry Potters, Hermiones...gosh, you have to be there to know what I am talking about...I would be way too restless to stay @ home and count every minute until the precious book reached me!
It's small events like these that make life interesting for me - Georgetown Kite Festival, Shakespeare Festival, Harry Potter book release @ Joseph Beth, Garba-Dandya during navratri @ the temple, plays @ Danville...small traditions that make a difference, that help to strengthen the tenuous bond that desis have towards their adopted home towns...
For me, FRIENDS, Everybody loves Raymond, Full House reruns and more recently Reba and Still Standing fall into the same category; if I ever go back for good, these will be among those things, however trivial, that I miss about life here...
Oh well...anyway, still can't get over the fact that the HP saga is over. I just cannot believe how Rowling managed to create a world so fantastic yet realistic, how she managed to etch class differences in society (goblins and wizards), everyday life and work (Ministry of Magic for example), romances and tragedies in a world so unlike our own yet making us live and feel and cry with the characters as if they really existed...I wonder which other book will make me forget my sleep and stand for an hour in front of the book store?
July 23, 2007
Harry Potter update.
350th page.
Worried.
What if someone blurts out the ending?
Will not check emails/text messages/orkut scraps or attend to phone calls until page # 760.
*begin incommunicado-by-choice*
Tue 7/24 Update: Finished the book @ 1.30 AM last night!
No more Hogwarts, charms, spells, crazy plants, crazier teachers and lovable witches and wizards :(((
This is like the time "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" and "Everybody loves Raymond" ended...I feel like crying :(
Worried.
What if someone blurts out the ending?
Will not check emails/text messages/orkut scraps or attend to phone calls until page # 760.
*begin incommunicado-by-choice*
Tue 7/24 Update: Finished the book @ 1.30 AM last night!
No more Hogwarts, charms, spells, crazy plants, crazier teachers and lovable witches and wizards :(((
This is like the time "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" and "Everybody loves Raymond" ended...I feel like crying :(
July 16, 2007
Guess?!
I blame this totally on L~, he wanted me to translate this song for his Northie friends! S~ gave me the "wedding-altar" interpretation for the first line, my mom helped me with the remaining meanings...
So, can anyone else guess the song? :)
Like a cool breeze, she touched the house/wedding-altar, but not the cot;
Slender and beautiful like the moon, yet her skin singes when I touch her;
Was there ever a sky that refused to listen to the melody of Bhoopalam?
Like droplets on a lotus petal, the lord and his wife live together;
Why the need for garlands and drum beats, when you wish to live as friends?
Bereft of a meaningful relationship, with no closeness or emotional ties, tell me,
Oh flower, what is your life like?
Life is not a stage, to depart after the drama ends;
Neither is our relationship a river, to change courses ever so often and continue on its journey;
Even the silver moon travels with the sky, why won't you come with me?
So, can anyone else guess the song? :)
Like a cool breeze, she touched the house/wedding-altar, but not the cot;
Slender and beautiful like the moon, yet her skin singes when I touch her;
Was there ever a sky that refused to listen to the melody of Bhoopalam?
Like droplets on a lotus petal, the lord and his wife live together;
Why the need for garlands and drum beats, when you wish to live as friends?
Bereft of a meaningful relationship, with no closeness or emotional ties, tell me,
Oh flower, what is your life like?
Life is not a stage, to depart after the drama ends;
Neither is our relationship a river, to change courses ever so often and continue on its journey;
Even the silver moon travels with the sky, why won't you come with me?
July 15, 2007
Harry Potter...
ROCKS!!!
Umbridge is as "supremely annoying" as portrayed in the book, Sirius as comforting a presence, Voldemort as nasty an adversary and Hermoine, Ron, Fred and George as cute and dependable as ever :)
Luna Lovegood was awesome!
And of course Harry rocks too!!!
How am I going to wait until 21st?!
Umbridge is as "supremely annoying" as portrayed in the book, Sirius as comforting a presence, Voldemort as nasty an adversary and Hermoine, Ron, Fred and George as cute and dependable as ever :)
Luna Lovegood was awesome!
And of course Harry rocks too!!!
How am I going to wait until 21st?!
July 10, 2007
25 going on 30!
I hear the late 20s are the time when people are most confused (besides midlife crisis), when they vacillate between early 20 something kids and well into 30s parents with kids :) They yearn for the carefree life of the bachelor(ette), late night parties and impulsive decisions. But, the secure, comforting family of three with an adorable toddler holding on tight to the mom no matter how much you try to entice it with chocolates also paints a sweet picture. We wish we could be certain of what to do with this thing called life, like the aunty and uncle we spoke to recently, knowing exactly what they want to do, and, we also know that comes with wisdom that only age can bring along. So, where does that leave us? The people who check the 25-30 box on forms hoping they could curtail their age in that box for a little more time? The to-be-married/just-married/no-kids/SINKs/DINKs?
We still remember the not too distant past when we woke up on snowy mornings and having missed the School bus, trudged along in the snow to teach an 8 AM Calculus class. Why, we even remember the day we stood in the long visa line, with friends from our colleges and even parents, from morning till next morning! And of course, we remember our college crushes like they happened yesterday...we remember how Oasis used to be, how KSR and TRS taught so well but we still didn't get into IIT, no matter BITS turned out to be loads of fun anyway...
And we also know we are standing on the brink of something life-changing - a cliff overlooking an ambitious yet scary future, promising elements of a cosy family life, with little kids gazing at us adoringly, a time when the person the kid refuses to leave is us...not them, and also bits and pieces of unknown paths - a mishmash forming our destiny, the future we hope to experience but can never be certain until the moment is upon us to be the present...
And walking along this path, we often look back, wondering if we could just linger a little longer, but at the same time yearning to experience the treasures that our journey will bring...and until we cross that distance, we remain the elusive 25-going-on-30 people; don't worry we'll get over this together!
And to those people who fall in the 20-25 group, you know the kind that goes, "Oh man, you'll be 30 in a coupla years!", I wish I could say, "Wow! And you are still 23, I must say, that is quite an achievement, your parents must be awfully proud of you!"
But I am a nice girl, I am not rude, given most situations. So, in the infinitely greater wisdom that the few years have given me over this astute 23-year-old, I would nod and smile. Also with wisdom. Ah, such pleasure to possess such wisdom :p
Hey you! Big Three-O, am all ready for you, bring it on, baby!
Uhh...take your time though, not in a hurry!
We still remember the not too distant past when we woke up on snowy mornings and having missed the School bus, trudged along in the snow to teach an 8 AM Calculus class. Why, we even remember the day we stood in the long visa line, with friends from our colleges and even parents, from morning till next morning! And of course, we remember our college crushes like they happened yesterday...we remember how Oasis used to be, how KSR and TRS taught so well but we still didn't get into IIT, no matter BITS turned out to be loads of fun anyway...
And we also know we are standing on the brink of something life-changing - a cliff overlooking an ambitious yet scary future, promising elements of a cosy family life, with little kids gazing at us adoringly, a time when the person the kid refuses to leave is us...not them, and also bits and pieces of unknown paths - a mishmash forming our destiny, the future we hope to experience but can never be certain until the moment is upon us to be the present...
And walking along this path, we often look back, wondering if we could just linger a little longer, but at the same time yearning to experience the treasures that our journey will bring...and until we cross that distance, we remain the elusive 25-going-on-30 people; don't worry we'll get over this together!
And to those people who fall in the 20-25 group, you know the kind that goes, "Oh man, you'll be 30 in a coupla years!", I wish I could say, "Wow! And you are still 23, I must say, that is quite an achievement, your parents must be awfully proud of you!"
But I am a nice girl, I am not rude, given most situations. So, in the infinitely greater wisdom that the few years have given me over this astute 23-year-old, I would nod and smile. Also with wisdom. Ah, such pleasure to possess such wisdom :p
Hey you! Big Three-O, am all ready for you, bring it on, baby!Uhh...take your time though, not in a hurry!
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