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November 11, 2005

Of love, marriages and romance!

Marriages are made in heaven. I am a changed person since my wedding. We are like two peas in a pod. True happiness eluded me until I met him...You have to be in looove to understand what I am talking about...


OK, that's about the amount of drivel that I can dish out even for a bad joke :) How do people end up saying things like that? Maybe if I lose a bet...no, I still won't! Anyway, it's high time I wrote a post dealing about love, feelings and such, now that I am married and all and also because our very own alaguraj said something to trigger a few thoughts - after all, k and I are now not unique individuals but a union of two souls, completing each other (remember the scene from Jerry Maguire?), aren't we?

Hardly!

We are still individuals, we still have our own "different" preferences and we still fight! Fighting does not make a relationship any more imperfect than it already is. I, for one, would definitely question the validity of my relationship if I did not have a solid, honest-to-goodness fight once in a while!

I also cannot understand people who don't have time for friends because they are married. What kind of an excuse is that? To me, each is a relationship, as powerful as the other, each demanding that we invest time and love in it so that it grows! They are parallel roads that do not intersect, atleast in my world.

And since today, I have decided to put my foot in my mouth, I shall proceed to do so completely. I cannot understand certain assumptions made about married people (I don't like the word, couple much). If Mr.X is not coming for a trip does not automatically indicate that Mrs.X will also not come along. Ofcourse, Mrs.X would probably enjoy the trip more if Mr.X sticks along but one does not preclude the other!

I read about five pages of this book called Conscious Commitment or Conscious Dependence or Conscious whatever and it said, people in a relationship tend to develop an unhealthy co-dependence on one another (yes, the author seems to be a fan of the prefix "co" and in general, any word beginning with "co"!), where each begins to develop a dependence on each other for things that don't require a dependence. I plan to take a good hard look at this "Co" thing from today!

Having voiced all these strong, modern, independent...nonsensical kind of thoughts, I do admit that when I am 50 and aging gracefully - smooth silver bun, an aristocratic pair of spectacles perched on my nose (somewhat like Mrs.McGonagall, without the cloak, like a plump Mrs.Grundy in Archies, you get the picture) - I would still want to cook hoping my husband will find it tasty, I would still want to have as much fun ruffling his hair playfully, I would still want to complete his thoughts and words even before he does, I would still want to argue with him about loading the dishwasher...

And the conflict between the practical me and the romantic me continues...

20 comments:

kamal said...

Now, I thought of posting a comment, but something are best left un-blogged :)

baby K

Subha said...

Cool post, RS..:)Me thinks the same. Btw, I can't imagine you two without junta around..imagine poor baby K's plight without having friends around to bug about going to bowling, movies etc, etc...

Parth said...

You had it all right till you got to the final paragraph. Don't worry, just kidding :-) It seems like a fight that married people have against the stereotypes they are consigned to.

sb said...

RS,
good one, but kinda felt "alaguraj" outta place!!!
Why shud such a being even be dragged into something that relates to marraige and relationships?!?!?!?!?!
"en vazi THANI vazi" ;-)

Narayanan Venkitu said...

Sorry...but are you married?? ARe you engaged?? What's going on??

Interesting post..I have to read again tomorrow to comment..but 1 line made me laugh...Sorry for reading between lines...It is about the bun.!! LOL :)

Prabu Karthik said...

Mudalla ellam un opinionai nalla eludhittu last para la unga aathukaarar sonnadukaaga romantic adu idu nu scene podara madhiri irukkey?

puriyudhu marriage naale compromise daan. As K says certain things are better left un-blogged :)

IBH said...

ahhaha welcome to the club gal!am laughing coz i find each and every word u have written to be true! :)especially the friends part of it :)and it deepens more if ur best friends happen to be of the opposite sex...to maintain or not to maintain is not a question at all coz according to me my best friends shared major part of my life than my hubby....a good 16 years...! well, the discussion was not with my hubby coz he is absly cool but with the other friends of mine who think marriage means shutting urself down from the rest of the world :)

so yeah, join the club :)

RS said...

kamal - hmm...wonder if I can complete that thought :)

subha - thanks, actually, neither can I :)

parth - true, this is one stereotype I want to break out of :)

sb - the "being" vayavutufied, adaan its been dragged in here. Ellam alaguraja konjam popularize pannalamnu thaan... :)

venkitu sir - married. Reading between the lines...hmm, will wait for you to explain :)

p~k - not a compromise, adudaan en pointe, that it neednt be a compromise :)

ibh - thanks :) exactly what am trying to say :)

Zeppelin said...

rs,

kalkita.... about the married people's co-dependence thingy, BANG ON!! sometimes i find it annoying when some of my friends, cant make it to a trip or just a fun get-together just cos his/her husband/wife cant make it...

i absolutely believe in keeping in touch with friends even after i get married.... but sometimes i think, expecting this from all of my friends is not really a good idea.. though I would really love that.. :)

thennavan said...

Marriage is a fork in life. When you get to the fork, take it :-)

(I hope people reading this have already known this bit of humor that I customized for this occasion)

RTD2 said...

Wish I had something smart and insightful to say, but I probably have the same stereotypes about marriage u're so keen to battle :)

hellboy said...

Have you actually listened to people talk as in first paragraph. That should have been hilarious, right ? :-)

Saranya Kishore said...

RS,
This hanging out with friends as much as before marriage would probably work if both of them have common friends.
If they have a totally differnt set of friends and the union is null, then I guess one of them will have to sacrifice going out and spending all of their free time with friends.

And of course, the boy and girl will want to spend a lot of time together, away from their friends.. if they do not know each other a lot, and havent spent a lot of time together. :--) And then gradually they start going out meeting friends etc etc.

Shiva said...

hey RS - I liked these lines very very much To me, each is a relationship, as powerful as the other, each demanding that we invest time and love in it so that it grows!
Your posts are always 'cool' !!

Anupama Viswanathan said...

:)..got a similar line of thought out on my blog..but it's just that mine is a piece of fiction, while yours is from your own life!! Anyways, there isn't much of a difference between the two! :)..I agree with you, a couple should fight!! :P

RS said...

phil - as you put it, bang on! :)

thennavan - :)

rtd2 - and I shall continue the battle :)

hellboy - rarely but yes I have :)

saranya - quite acceptable but after the honeymood period, hopefully they bounce back! :)

anupama - :)

dinesh said...

"I cannot understand certain assumptions made about married people (I don't like the word, couple much"

I cannot either, but people around me get married and change the way they live their lives so abruptly, and act like their lives are now closed from the rest of their friends, that makes me wonder if those assumptions you talk about are but warranted. As a matter of fact these things happen to some of the more social people I've met. I've known very few people that have had spouses/situations combo that allow for continuation of social life without the event of marriage being any impact at all. And of all the people I know, you guys are the ones that come to my mind first ! Luck you ! :)

RS said...

I am not superstitious but...

knock on wood :)

Priyamvada_K said...

A friend pointed out your blog to me - and I'm enjoying reading your thoughts.

Agree 100% about friendship and marriage - they are different relationships, and both need nurturing. One doesn't preclude the other.

Well said.

Priya.
http://priyamanaval.blogspot.com

RS said...

Priyamvada - Thanks, glad to find someone who relates to my thoughts :)

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