To word or not to word.

Today, I experienced one of those whachamacallits, those so-called magical moments of realization, one of those weird epiphany-things. I was talking to D and having yet another lets-(not)agree-to-disagree-conversation (seriously, it can’t all be me, can it?!), when this epiphany struck me. I recently wrote a blog about one of my friends that I am no longer in touch with and I had the sweetest things to say about him, things I did not even dream of telling him when we were in touch. Now, why didn’t I think of telling him what I felt? I mean we both would have just felt better, right?

Of late, I have been doing that a lot, saying things that should not wait to be written in a blog, 22 years later, when neither person feels what he or she felt ages back! Coming back to my point, maybe it’s time we start giving people the credit they deserve. Now comes the troublesome part. If we do end up talking like this to each other all the time, we swing all the way to the other end of the pendulum and end up sounding overly sentimental and corny. I mean imagine a world where people get up to greet each other with phrases like:

“I do love you and cannot live without you even for a day, you do know that, don’t you?”
“Me too”
“Me too”

or

“You are my best friend in the whole world, you mean the world to me. I would be lost without you.”
“Me too”
“Me too”

Seriously, yuck! So, what we need is a balance, the pendulum’s center of mass, if you will. Maybe Mother’s day, Father’s day, Ex-girlfriend’s-day and so on do have a point. Maybe on that day you are allowed to act as emotionally demented as you want in order to convey what you exactly feel and people will not look at you like you have had one drink too many.

My silly side now having made her point, enter a whole other side with a totally different point to make. While I may lose myself in my daily life, feigning normality and a sense of peace with myself, uninvited guests drop in to my head to remind me of things left unsaid. Words that failed to take the journey to my mouth, words that almost escaped but were carried off by the turmoil of my own uncertainity, words that I could not utter because I was scared of rejection and of ridicule…words that now lie buried within me, shelved forever. Perhaps, they were silly, thoughts...better left unsaid and perhaps, they were thoughts that could have changed two lives…and now, I will never know.

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