May 10, 2005

To word or not to word.

Today, I experienced one of those whachamacallits, those so-called magical moments of realization, one of those weird epiphany-things. I was talking to D and having yet another lets-(not)agree-to-disagree-conversation (seriously, it can’t all be me, can it?!), when this epiphany struck me. I recently wrote a blog about one of my friends that I am no longer in touch with and I had the sweetest things to say about him, things I did not even dream of telling him when we were in touch. Now, why didn’t I think of telling him what I felt? I mean we both would have just felt better, right?

Of late, I have been doing that a lot, saying things that should not wait to be written in a blog, 22 years later, when neither person feels what he or she felt ages back! Coming back to my point, maybe it’s time we start giving people the credit they deserve. Now comes the troublesome part. If we do end up talking like this to each other all the time, we swing all the way to the other end of the pendulum and end up sounding overly sentimental and corny. I mean imagine a world where people get up to greet each other with phrases like:

“I do love you and cannot live without you even for a day, you do know that, don’t you?”
“Me too”
“Me too”


“You are my best friend in the whole world, you mean the world to me. I would be lost without you.”
“Me too”
“Me too”

Seriously, yuck! So, what we need is a balance, the pendulum’s center of mass, if you will. Maybe Mother’s day, Father’s day, Ex-girlfriend’s-day and so on do have a point. Maybe on that day you are allowed to act as emotionally demented as you want in order to convey what you exactly feel and people will not look at you like you have had one drink too many.

My silly side now having made her point, enter a whole other side with a totally different point to make. While I may lose myself in my daily life, feigning normality and a sense of peace with myself, uninvited guests drop in to my head to remind me of things left unsaid. Words that failed to take the journey to my mouth, words that almost escaped but were carried off by the turmoil of my own uncertainity, words that I could not utter because I was scared of rejection and of ridicule…words that now lie buried within me, shelved forever. Perhaps, they were silly, thoughts...better left unsaid and perhaps, they were thoughts that could have changed two lives…and now, I will never know.


a no nymous said...

कि उनके होठों मे शहद की मिठास
और उनके आवाज़ मे झरनों का साज़
कि उनकी आँखों मे सागर की गहराइयां
और उनके ज़ुल्फों मे सावन की परछाइयां

कि उनकी चंचल मुस्कान मे बहार
और उनके पायल की कलकल मे मलहार
कि उनके छुअन मे मखमल की नर्मियां
और उनकी आहों मे हज़ारों कहानियां

कि उनकी हर ख्वाइश हमारी चाहत
और उनका प्यार हमारी जन्नत
कि उनका हर पग हमारे दिल की धडकन
और उनकी हर जुदाई हमारे रूह की अगन

जो अब तक है अनकही, अगर तब उनको बताते
तो क्या किसी तरह, वो अभी भी हमारे होते

Rough translation:
That there was the taste of honey in her lips,
And the music of creeks in her voice,
That there were depths of the sea in her eyes,
And the shadows of monsoon in her hair.

That there was spring in her carefree smile,
And the melodies of rain in the tinkle of her anklets,
That there was the softness of satin in her touch,
And thousands of stories in her sighs.

That in her wishes were my deepest desires,
And that in her love was my heaven.
That her every footstep was my heartbeat,
And her every parting was fire in my soul,

If I had told her then, what is yet unsaid,
Would she, in some way, still have been mine

PS: Back in the day, I was not as free with my emotions as I would be now. (I think it comes along with the rest of what makes a young man). In hindsight, with the benefit of "wisdom" that comes with age, I believe, I should have said exactly what was on my mind. If someone inspires deep emotions in you, it means you care. And, I for one, think there's nothing wrong with expressing care. That you feel the emotion justifies its expression.

RS said...


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