March 17, 2005

Now why would I write about something that I am completely and passionately not interested about? Two reasons: I am sitting infront of my computer at work, trying to make sense of a piece of software that I wrote a few days back and what do I hear but cheering! All my office colleagues are assembled in the adjacent conference room cheering UK playing in an NCAA game! Thats reason number one, the next reason is my friend b, who asked me a pertinent question yesterday - why is everything about what women want? Why cant someone ask the question - what do men want? So, I thought I would explore the relatively uncomplicated minds of men and their wants and why they want what they want.

Want number one: Undependent on normal variables like nationality and religion. All men and I do mean All Men are crazy about sports. The variables probably only affect what sport it is that they are crazy about. Let me take cricket for instance, for it is close to my heart and I have been guilty of watching not too many late night matches praying that Sachin would not get out. Here's a common occurrence in my house:
Time: 10 PM
Event: cricket match on TV
Participants: appa, thatha, bro
Annoyances to participants: my mom and I

As far as cricket is concerned, all the males in my family decide to establish some basic rules and prove to the helpless females of the house who the head of the house really is. Bro gets the most comfortable chair closest to the TV, thatha and appa settle down equally comfortably on the sofa nearby. Their eyes are glued to the TV and nothing will make them even turn away. To further emphasize this point, mom makes entry into TV room and hold the dinner plate to Bro, who extends his hands at an angle approximately 90 degrees to his body to take it. We now witness a pretty complicated maneuver - the eyes need to stay on the TV but mom is standing behind Bro, so he needs to extend his hands towards the plate which is behind him not moving his eyes away. Needless to say, Bro did not win the agility contest and the stainless steel plate landed with a resounding crash on to the floor, its contents finding their new homes under the sofa and the comfortable chair. Mom ties her pallu to her waist - let me interrupt my narration at this point to explain the significance of this simple action. This scene is akin to warriors blowing their shells in ancient times to indicate start and end times of a battle. Lets just say, the trio missed the next 10 overs in the match.

Thatha and appa quietly accept their dinner plates without any fancy acrobatics. Then the unthinkable happens, Sachin almost gets out!!! Thatha is too restless to watch the match sitting down. He stands up and decides to walk to and fro deciding how to win the match which is quickly making its way to India's quickest all-out of all times. He nods knowledgably to himself and then yells at mom "Nee ingendhu naganthu inda chairla okkaru, nee ukkandrukkara edam seri illa!". Mom looks up to see if senility is finally getting to thatha. She further discerns that he is indeed serious about his request and obliges, after giving him an old-Tamil-movie-Savithri glare. Sachin however does get out in the next ball and to this day, thatha claims its because of my mom.

Then there is the way k treats me like an absolute princess when a game is going on. He would help around the kitchen, ask if I need something and reduce the TV volume to a minimum...and if you believe what I just mentioned, you must be out of your mind!!! Another simple rule that guys believe in - when a game is on, act like you are in a vacuum with the TV, act like Gandhiji's three monkeys rolled into one, only in this case its not evil that you are avoiding but everything except auditory and visual inputs about the game!

I have long given up trying to talk sense into men, explaining to them that human beings are far more important than a piece of ball being hit towards the sky with a piece of wood but the men in my life do not listen - be it my dad, my thatha, my bro or k...and so here I sit, typing my observations about what is most important to men, while in the conference room next to me, more cheers erupt because Florida has beaten Ohio 67-62...Sigh. I sneak in just to see what is this magical quality about this silly game that can twirl a group of well-dressed, intelligent men around its little finger and make them dance to its tunes and I catch glimpses of the game - the euphoria, the thrill, the excitement, the passion, the emotions surrounding it and realise no woman can ever hope to outwit a nice game, she will always play second fiddle to the scheming game and there is nothing she can do about it.

Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, so..."Goooooo Floridaaaa!".


BUS said...

This reminds me of all the times my mom tried and failed to get my attention to sthg she was saying when I was watching cricket on TV. I recall her saying "TV lendu velila vada...apidi enna dhaan iruko indha cricket la!!!". Even now she still doesnt watch cricket but she has given up on me though and realised, as u said, there is nthg she can do abt it.

Prabu Karthik said...

I was reading Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes" a few days back and he has written something like
"For men, sport is more important than sex".
The reason? He can definitely understand the movements of a male body better.

Maybe what he says is true...

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