He said, She said...

Before you start wondering – this is a figment of my imagination, but with parts of it inspired from factual incidents.

I am in a dreamy and mischievous kind of mood, kind of strange mix of emotions. I decide to indulge my mood. I look for a guinea pig. I hear a sharp intake of breath and wake up from my reverie and look at the source of the interruption; he bangs his fist on the floor – I deduce Kentucky is losing to Cincinnati in the NCAA game. I nudge him playfully and ask “So, what would you do if I weren’t there in your life?”. No response.

I clear my throat purposefully and wait. Oh, I give up! Men cannot comprehend or even hope to surmise a woman’s meaningful pause, a pregnant silence, an exasperated sigh or a stern visage. I do the one thing that I know will definitely grab his attention. I switch off the TV. Ha, that worked like a charm. I have his full fuming attention now.

I settle down to (what I hoped would be) an introspective, enlightening and bonding conversation that would bring us closer and help us connect on an intellectual and emotional level. Ok, I really have to stop romanticizing everything. Anyway, I ask again “Can you imagine life without me?”. I wait eagerly for the reply that will change my life and perception of him and…the phone rings. Cursing the untimely interruption, I make small talk with the person who called, hang up and come rushing back to continue my conversation with him. He is nonchalantly browsing through Reader’s Digest. I wait in anticipation, my pulse racing. He replies, “I guess I can wake up a bit late”. I am jolted awake nastily…”I am sor..sorry?” I stammer. He continued, by way of explanation “You see, I feel compelled to wake up early and go to work early so that you won’t be annoyed…” I must be dreaming. Let me correct myself, I was dreaming before and reality is now doing a good job of biting my head off now.

I decide to give him a second chance, hoping to find a layer of sensitivity hidden deep within him, so deep it needs to be brought out with considerable force and effort from me. I give a superficial laugh, more like a nervous giggle, as if he is just messing with me and I know more profound thoughts will flow out from him after the initial teasing. I move away from the questionable topic of week-days and ask “Well, lets take weekends for instance, what would you do when you wake up and there is no ‘me’ around?” He looks puzzled. I give a mental thumbs-up to myself, kudos to my ability to bring out the sensitive little man within him. I have finally made him ponder about our relationship and how much I mean to him. He answers with a sense of finality “I can wake up late on weekends also, you see….” I grit my teeth in frustration, looking up towards the Lord – “Have pity on me and forgive me, Oh mighty one, for I should like to hurt this guy, very badly…” I shake my head to rid myself of my evil thoughts and continue with the patience of an old woman “Yes, you can wake up late and then? What goes through your mind when you realize I am not with you?” I make little circles around my head to emphasize my question, as if my gesticulations will make the gravity of my question seep through his thick skull. He answers, beaming “Well, Saturday, I can play x-box whole day long!” I resist an impulse to squeeze his tiny throat with my bare hands and somehow find the strength to plod on.“And, What, may I enquire, would you do the whole of Sunday?” – The intuitive reader will now detect a certain coldness in my tone and rightly so! He answers with little deliberation “I guess I can go to the gym and then come back and play x-box”

I need a drink of water immediately. I empty the whole bottle and hold back a sniffle. Tears threaten to come rushing down my cheeks and as I am about to isolate myself from him for the rest of the day and possibly for the rest of my life, I feel a hand on my shoulder, stopping me. I turn around and notice that he is trying hard to hold back bouts of laughter.

“Sorry darling couldn’t resist it” he says and switches on the TV to catch the second half of the game.

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