I read yet another article on kids and what happens to your life after kids. And I was again startled to read a blanket statement that went something like, "People are unhappier with kids. They even admit it most times but always end with a disclaimer that states they wouldn't have it any other way; their lives are so much enriched with kids...blah". Now, this is startling for a number of reasons. Unhappy and kids? That's a very unlikely marriage. I can imagine couples being unhappy in their marriages but unhappy with kids? That's a stretch if you ask me. If kids make you unhappy, then I guess your requirements for happiness perhaps need a second draft, something more realistic and attainable?
Why does this irk me, you ask? For the obvious reason that I now have a kid and understand the pains and struggles that face parenthood, like an unending ocean of waves, crashing one after another. So, when someone comes along with this fancy statistic relating kids and unhappiness, it gets on my nerves. Why? Maybe because I am going through the experience right now and trying to stay on top of it and reading un-optimistic opinions like this makes my life seem that much harder. Maybe, I like reading material that helps reinforce my belief in my choices? Or maybe, equating kids and unhappiness seems just plain biased to me. Kids and stress. Kids and financial strains. Kids and lack of sleep. Agreed. Kids and unhappiness seems like there is some other root cause that is just convenient to transfer to kids and blame them for it.
On a somewhat related note, maybe there is some truth to the observation that more choices is just more stress for people. Life is really simpler when your choices are few. The problem with multiple choices is it offers you a variety of ways you can live your life and then it's all about defending your choices -- the kids you had or did not have, the career you have or do not have, the house you bought or did not buy. Through seemingly unrelated conversations, the subtle defense for your choices seeps through somehow. So, you find yourself justifying to others and yourself how your choices make a whole bunch of sense. I find this somewhat annoying especially when the choices people have made are quite different from mine and for that very reason maybe they find an urge to sneak in a statement validating their choices. Anyhow, that's how people are and possibly, I do that too inadvertently. So peace.
Aaah. So, am doing the single parent thingie for a week. Let's see how that goes. *Someone* is not going to be greeted by a pleasant face when he returns from his business trip if r~ keeps me sleep-deprived all week long :p
Stay tuned.
September 24, 2009
September 11, 2009
Amul butter anyone?
After a couple of years, I decided to tag along with k and r~ to Sagar India Market to buy Indian groceries. Nothing much had changed but I did find this extremely inviting package of Amul butter beckoning to me from behind the frosty freezer door. Today, I unwrapped the package and took a big chunk of butter which I confess I ate "apadiye" (Was it the horlicks ad that went, "Appadiye saapiduven"?), no bread, no crackers, just utterly, butterly delicious Amul butter. It was all that it promised to be!
Not that I needed an excuse or anything but then I started thinking of India. The other day, I was talking to k about my evergreen topic, India vs America, the one that my dad and I always end with, "Ok, let's agree to disagree on this". I told k that somewhere in the back of my mind, there is always this thin veil of insecurity that reminds me that am not in my home country. I love America and am grateful for the life we have here, but am certain somewhere not easily accessible is this little anxious voice that cautions me to be careful and I think that voice will not be quietened by a green card or a citizenship card. That voice is here to stay.
Maybe, it's because the life we have here is what we built from scratch. Aside from a handful of close friends and a wider circle of just friends, we don't have a solid base with close people milling around us to help us if we need help. Our foundation is still new, stable but new. Maybe r~ would feel otherwise because we would have built the base on which she will build her life. She has a backup. What do we have? There are channels here, "aid" available if needed, organized care but it is not personal, it is...indifferent and that worries me.
Life throws many curve balls at us and I guess, I am trying to handle one now that has me wondering if r2i is the only sane, only safe decision there is for us. But, I guess I have gone through pretty momentous occasions here in this country and am stronger for each experience and a bit more confident. So, maybe life here is worth a shot and is the right way to go...who knows?
There is a reason for everything and I bet there is an overwhelming reason for my choice. I just have to figure it out.
August 25, 2009
Free book offer!
My friend r~ had this neat idea to promote my book, so here goes...
Promote my book anyway you can -- blog it, tweet it, facebook it, myspace it if you into web20 or email/chat if you like slightly older technology or talk about it and write letters (if you are into ancient ;) and the person with the best results (relatively) will get a copy of The Last Laugh free (Yeah, yeah, you don't have to pay shipping or sign up for a lifetime supply of every book I output, am not conning you :p)
Also, I think I should give away a free copy in US and one in India to the person who shouts the loudest (and is heard the most :)
I suppose there ought to be a deadline for this sort of thing. Will post updates soon as I check out the response to this post (Yes, if you are the only person who responded to this post and did the needful, the book is yours to keep :p).
So there.
Please email me if you think you have shouted your throat hoarse and show me what you've got (Email threads, chat transcripts, fb pages and all that good stuff) and I promise I'll root for you to get a free copy! More points for creative advertisement of the book (like mention of particular stories, what you fancied about it (you did, didn't you? Awww...don't break my heart!) etc.
The Last Laugh facebook page (permanently on this blog on the right) has all the details about where you can buy the book (Online - Createspace, Amazon, In India @ pothi.com).
Many thanks for the support. Much grateful.
Promote my book anyway you can -- blog it, tweet it, facebook it, myspace it if you into web20 or email/chat if you like slightly older technology or talk about it and write letters (if you are into ancient ;) and the person with the best results (relatively) will get a copy of The Last Laugh free (Yeah, yeah, you don't have to pay shipping or sign up for a lifetime supply of every book I output, am not conning you :p)
Also, I think I should give away a free copy in US and one in India to the person who shouts the loudest (and is heard the most :)
I suppose there ought to be a deadline for this sort of thing. Will post updates soon as I check out the response to this post (Yes, if you are the only person who responded to this post and did the needful, the book is yours to keep :p).
So there.
Please email me if you think you have shouted your throat hoarse and show me what you've got (Email threads, chat transcripts, fb pages and all that good stuff) and I promise I'll root for you to get a free copy! More points for creative advertisement of the book (like mention of particular stories, what you fancied about it (you did, didn't you? Awww...don't break my heart!) etc.
The Last Laugh facebook page (permanently on this blog on the right) has all the details about where you can buy the book (Online - Createspace, Amazon, In India @ pothi.com).
Many thanks for the support. Much grateful.
August 20, 2009
Do you have the time to smell the flowers?
Do you have the time to...
wander in a library from aisle to aisle until you find the book that just smells right?
walk along the beach on bare feet looking for shells that carry secrets of the ocean?
talk for hours together, not on the phone, not on chat, just plain, face to face talk, watching every twitch, grin and full-mouthed smile that lights up on the other face?
sit on a park bench and watch...life?
hear temple bells and indistinct chants during an early morning walk?
listen to stories narrated by aging mouths of a time when cinemas were in black and white and real life was much more colorful than now?
think of then and now, of things that were meant to be and relationships that weren't?
uni-task? To immerse yourself and be true to one task for a while?
feel someone else's pain and pleasure?
stop and watch, to slow down and smell the flowers on the way?
click add to cart and read this book? Just kidding! All of you have time for that ;)
wander in a library from aisle to aisle until you find the book that just smells right?
walk along the beach on bare feet looking for shells that carry secrets of the ocean?
talk for hours together, not on the phone, not on chat, just plain, face to face talk, watching every twitch, grin and full-mouthed smile that lights up on the other face?
sit on a park bench and watch...life?
hear temple bells and indistinct chants during an early morning walk?
listen to stories narrated by aging mouths of a time when cinemas were in black and white and real life was much more colorful than now?
think of then and now, of things that were meant to be and relationships that weren't?
uni-task? To immerse yourself and be true to one task for a while?
feel someone else's pain and pleasure?
stop and watch, to slow down and smell the flowers on the way?
click add to cart and read this book? Just kidding! All of you have time for that ;)
August 13, 2009
Scatterbrained.
Aaah. Another night in countless nights with less than 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep (where's my medal?) Side-effect being that I can't think coherently and therefore cannot write coherently. Result being this post.
I wonder if Radhika doesn't like the bottle just like I don't like the breast pump. In our quest for equal rights, we seem to have painted ourselves into a corner.Need to perform well at work, need to be great mom...Need to be a great mom, need to perform well at work, need in-laws to think am doing some level of work at home (have pretty much given up on this), need to have date nights (Ha haaa), need to keep up with baby-info, need to sell my book (I know, I just can't stop saying "My book" :-)...so many needs and one small brain (Ok fine! It has 100 billion neurons but ever tried to reach this limit?).
Uhh...wait, where was I? Oh yeah, the breast pump. Been thinking about this contraption ever since I read this cool article by Judith Warner. So now, we willingly subject ourselves to this nonsense and demand a pumping room in the workplace so we can save some magic-mommy-milk for baby. If you lived in the previous century and someone told you about breast pumps, you would have laughed and then raised your eyes incredulously when you realized it was not a joke. What have we landed ourselves into?
Why do we feel the urge to work when nature did not entrust us with that responsibility in the first place? Yeah, yeah, we have brains that function just as well as mens' brains etc. But maybe, the brain was meant to function best when the woman stayed home with the children. Then, the equations would have been clear-cut. And yes, I would probably be teary-eyed in my pretty apron (Yeah, chronologically and geographically incorrect but am sleep-deprived) if I had burnt the bajji that I fried lovingly for my husband when he came home after a day's work. But at least, I knew that was my responsibility and I knew I had to excel in that. Not in 200 other things that I impose on myself.
What can I blame for this urge to multi-task? To work and pump and nurture and be good at everything under the sun? (I know I hardly used the breast pump, so can't really rightfully complain but what the hell, just feel like complaining about...women and our decisions).
The vast majority of self help books say, "If you are unhappy, change it..." (Who moved my cheese, anyone?)...so why don't I just change it instead of typing furiously on my thinkpad? Sigh. Because all said and done (What now? I am using cliches? I really need to sleep!), I got it pretty good and I realize it in those rare moments of self-awareness that seem to come farther apart nowadays.
What's my point again? Dunno. What if I lived ages back...actually no thanks, I'd like to live now :) So, what if I just do one thing and be really good at that one thing? (Like google -- search and search real damn fast and well!) Let's see...in my imaginary, ideal world, I would probably be an SAHM, owning one of those mom-owned cool businesses or writing for a living (Woohoo! -- so, read my book already!), having the energy to take care of r~ all the time and ooh, wait, I want to look sexy too and not fight with k over night wakings...!
Hey....100 billion neurons, you got that all? Good, so work towards it!
I wonder if Radhika doesn't like the bottle just like I don't like the breast pump. In our quest for equal rights, we seem to have painted ourselves into a corner.
Uhh...wait, where was I? Oh yeah, the breast pump. Been thinking about this contraption ever since I read this cool article by Judith Warner. So now, we willingly subject ourselves to this nonsense and demand a pumping room in the workplace so we can save some magic-mommy-milk for baby. If you lived in the previous century and someone told you about breast pumps, you would have laughed and then raised your eyes incredulously when you realized it was not a joke. What have we landed ourselves into?
Why do we feel the urge to work when nature did not entrust us with that responsibility in the first place? Yeah, yeah, we have brains that function just as well as mens' brains etc. But maybe, the brain was meant to function best when the woman stayed home with the children. Then, the equations would have been clear-cut. And yes, I would probably be teary-eyed in my pretty apron (Yeah, chronologically and geographically incorrect but am sleep-deprived) if I had burnt the bajji that I fried lovingly for my husband when he came home after a day's work. But at least, I knew that was my responsibility and I knew I had to excel in that. Not in 200 other things that I impose on myself.
What can I blame for this urge to multi-task? To work and pump and nurture and be good at everything under the sun? (I know I hardly used the breast pump, so can't really rightfully complain but what the hell, just feel like complaining about...women and our decisions).
The vast majority of self help books say, "If you are unhappy, change it..." (Who moved my cheese, anyone?)...so why don't I just change it instead of typing furiously on my thinkpad? Sigh. Because all said and done (What now? I am using cliches? I really need to sleep!), I got it pretty good and I realize it in those rare moments of self-awareness that seem to come farther apart nowadays.
What's my point again? Dunno. What if I lived ages back...actually no thanks, I'd like to live now :) So, what if I just do one thing and be really good at that one thing? (Like google -- search and search real damn fast and well!) Let's see...in my imaginary, ideal world, I would probably be an SAHM, owning one of those mom-owned cool businesses or writing for a living (Woohoo! -- so, read my book already!), having the energy to take care of r~ all the time and ooh, wait, I want to look sexy too and not fight with k over night wakings...!
Hey....100 billion neurons, you got that all? Good, so work towards it!
August 06, 2009
Ze book -- it iz out!
What?
Wrote a book.
Huh?
Collection of short stories. You might have read some of them @ wr.
Where?
Available @ CreateSpace & Amazon
So?
Err...if you happen to buy it and read it, please do send feedback or better still, leave feedback on the amazon page (even if you don't plan to buy the book but have read some of my short stories).
What else?
Let your friends know!
What's in it for me?
Oh boy! Trick question. Let's see -- hopefully a couple of hours of reading entertainment and lots of good vibrations from me accompanied by "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..."
August 03, 2009
An ode to modern motherhood.
When I was pregnant, my friend a~ told me that the pregnancy/labor bit was easier compared to what follows. She said, at least I know that can't go on forever but lack of sleep really kills me or something to that effect. And I wondered how that could be true. Of course, since I was pregnant, I was only concerned about the pregnancy part of the whole experience and I thought once the baby is born, I can switch back to a worry-free existence -- you know the cutesy smiling mommy, gurgling toothless baby scenarios? Turns out, I was pretty off base. Pregnancy was really easy compared to sleepless nights and the newer worries that were born with the little package that I signed up for :)
Of course, I can never say my labor and birth of li'l r~ were easy. Nope, although I seem to have made a valiant effort to see the humor in the situation when I read my birth story (Radhu was 7 days old then) a few days back. k likes to call it "the much-glorified blood-loss story". Of course, I shot back with choice phrases that postpartum wives reserve for their helpful yet annoyingly hormone-balanced husbands. Suffice to say the story wasn't pretty.
Anyway, I digress. I was talking about how this whole motherhood thing is a pretty sneakily tricky business. At every stage, it gets you thinking, "Oh! If only I pass this stage, then all's going to be rosy and peaceful" and then you reach that stage and you are already peeking into the next stage and wondering when said stage will jump ahead. And like all mom stories you might have heard, I will add that each stage has a charm that you will miss when you near its end. See, that's why it's sneaky. You want your baby to be done having teeth and then you look at her full-teethed smile and wonder where the toothless grin of yesterday vanished to. You watch her bob her head to music and wonder why the little person who needed your smell every moment of her awake-time doesn't need you quite so much anymore. You are waiting for her to take those little baby steps but know already that you will miss the time when all she could do was roll from her tummy to her back. Sigh. You can't beat the system. You gotta ride the ups and downs and savor the experience. That's the tricky bit -- the knowledge that it's challenging and fun, tiresome and enriching. Can't have one without the other.
So, while you are dealing with all these inconsistencies, you realize you also have a work-life in the outside world that needs your attention. And, I don't know how the super moms do it but I find it really really hard to do justice to the outside world and the baby world. And this is when I haven't really cooked in almost 2 years, save the sudden urge to make a sweet or two on an auspicious day! But, I try anyway with the end result that I am tired and sometimes short fused ("Sometimes?!" -- that would be k screaming from down the hall :p) and yet not satisfied with what I have achieved at the end of the day. There is still a list of 12 tasks and personal goals (including sleep) yet to be achieved and it's already midnight.
Whenever I get into this mode of thinking, well-meaning folks have the tendency to get that faraway wise look as they say, "Think of the moms of yester years who did it all on their own", "Think of the moms who..." blah. blah. Yes, yes. Those moms rock. And I suppose I am selfish in assuming I have a tough life but hey, part of living a fulfilling life is to really live in the moment. So, I am doing that, aren't I? Really soaking up motherhood moments and still trying to have fun. Don't see the need to compare muhself with moms of yesteryears who did it all and still smiled at their husbands with bright-eyed devotion in the mornings as opposed to bleary-eyed, mumbling-to-self lady in pjs who snarls at dear husband in the morning (Uh. That would be me). So, what am I saying? Modern moms have the right to crib too. It's fun to crib (crib = complain as we Indians like to call it). I bet it's healthful (or some such fancy word) to the soul too. To modern motherhood!
Of course, I can never say my labor and birth of li'l r~ were easy. Nope, although I seem to have made a valiant effort to see the humor in the situation when I read my birth story (Radhu was 7 days old then) a few days back. k likes to call it "the much-glorified blood-loss story". Of course, I shot back with choice phrases that postpartum wives reserve for their helpful yet annoyingly hormone-balanced husbands. Suffice to say the story wasn't pretty.
Anyway, I digress. I was talking about how this whole motherhood thing is a pretty sneakily tricky business. At every stage, it gets you thinking, "Oh! If only I pass this stage, then all's going to be rosy and peaceful" and then you reach that stage and you are already peeking into the next stage and wondering when said stage will jump ahead. And like all mom stories you might have heard, I will add that each stage has a charm that you will miss when you near its end. See, that's why it's sneaky. You want your baby to be done having teeth and then you look at her full-teethed smile and wonder where the toothless grin of yesterday vanished to. You watch her bob her head to music and wonder why the little person who needed your smell every moment of her awake-time doesn't need you quite so much anymore. You are waiting for her to take those little baby steps but know already that you will miss the time when all she could do was roll from her tummy to her back. Sigh. You can't beat the system. You gotta ride the ups and downs and savor the experience. That's the tricky bit -- the knowledge that it's challenging and fun, tiresome and enriching. Can't have one without the other.
So, while you are dealing with all these inconsistencies, you realize you also have a work-life in the outside world that needs your attention. And, I don't know how the super moms do it but I find it really really hard to do justice to the outside world and the baby world. And this is when I haven't really cooked in almost 2 years, save the sudden urge to make a sweet or two on an auspicious day! But, I try anyway with the end result that I am tired and sometimes short fused ("Sometimes?!" -- that would be k screaming from down the hall :p) and yet not satisfied with what I have achieved at the end of the day. There is still a list of 12 tasks and personal goals (including sleep) yet to be achieved and it's already midnight.
Whenever I get into this mode of thinking, well-meaning folks have the tendency to get that faraway wise look as they say, "Think of the moms of yester years who did it all on their own", "Think of the moms who..." blah. blah. Yes, yes. Those moms rock. And I suppose I am selfish in assuming I have a tough life but hey, part of living a fulfilling life is to really live in the moment. So, I am doing that, aren't I? Really soaking up motherhood moments and still trying to have fun. Don't see the need to compare muhself with moms of yesteryears who did it all and still smiled at their husbands with bright-eyed devotion in the mornings as opposed to bleary-eyed, mumbling-to-self lady in pjs who snarls at dear husband in the morning (Uh. That would be me). So, what am I saying? Modern moms have the right to crib too. It's fun to crib (crib = complain as we Indians like to call it). I bet it's healthful (or some such fancy word) to the soul too. To modern motherhood!
July 20, 2009
Dearest friend of mine...(Ennamma thozhi)
Oh! What shall I do, dearest friend of mine?
I am missing my little doll...
Sweet memories
of braiding her hair,
of adorning it with flowers,
of dressing her in satin frocks...
I found you, my dear doll,
the month of Ippasi, fresh from a dip in the Cauvery...
Won't you close your eyes, my dear doll,
when I sing sweet lullabies?
Forever in mind, even when you are gone...
I hear gentle music when you talk to your precious flowers...
Oh! How I wish for a life with no end;
If I had another life to live, how different it would be!
Her face, the enchanting moon; her body, a shimmering river;
Little fingers like soft blades of grass...
Waiting till the day fades,
along with the charm on her face
as her yearning eyes keep searching for those of her beloved's...
This song was hard to translate. L~ sent this song and I liked it the first time I heard it -- simple and melodious. I struggled to understand what the original lyrics meant though (even with mom's help) -- especially the part about another lifetime and a wish to never face death (Why the sudden wish? So she won't lose her doll the next lifetime? But, won't she have to die to face another life?). I sort of left the similes and metaphors intentionally vague so it might refer to the doll or to the little girl herself...
Here is the original (Song - Ennamma Thozhi, Singer - RJ Sulabha, Movie - Kalaipani):
Ennamma thozhi bommaya kaanom
Naa enna seiya poren
Thala vari pinni, pookkal vaithu
Pudhu chattai pottu vittu..
Ippasi masam kaveri snanam…
Bommaya vaangi vandhen
Thaalattu naan pada kanmooda mattayo
Maraindha podhum… manadhil ennum …
Malarodu pesum mazhalai geetham ..
Maranam ella varam kettu…
Maru jenman ondrirundhal maari vidum…
Mugam madhiyo udal nadhiyo…
Melliya kai viralgal pulveliyo….
Kaalai pozhudhellam kaathirukkum
Ival vizhi kaanamal kalai izhakkum…
Ennamma thozhi…
July 15, 2009
IT, mystique and relationships.
I took this really interesting class, Advanced Operating Systems under Dr.Griff @ UK and in one of the classes he talked about pervasive computing. Quite fascinating -- images of intelligent lighting systems, homes, even clothes that warm up or cool down according to a person's body temperature by using nanocomputers! What I want to write today is not exactly pervasive computing as the definition goes but in a way, this seems like pervasive computing to me. Think of the number of social networking technologies there are -- facebook, myspace, twitter, blogs and information engines -- google, yahoo search, wikis. It seems to me that people are finally finding outlets to express themselves; outlets they could not even have dreamed to adopt a decade back. That's great, mostly. From the disgruntled house wife (Home maker? -- Think "Mitr") to the adolescent gamer, everyone is online and "connected" all the time!
I wonder if this whole wave of constant-connectedness will change the dynamics of human relationships. Let's take blogs for instance. I hear SRK and Amir Khan blog too. It was big news when the big B started blogging. Now, my very first serious crush, SRK, blogs too. I assumed I would be thrilled but when I googled for his blog, I almost wished I wouldn't find it. Somehow the charm and mystique he (and bollywood) stands for would be lost if I read it and realized that he is just like you and me. But then, he is human too, just elevated to dizzying heights, I guess. So, why wouldn't he want to blog and express what goes through his head? Thoughts and observations too trivial or too complex to express face-to-face but perfectly safe as bits on a screen?
The same goes for facebook. Almost everyone at work is on facebook -- we know each other's trivial and not-so-trivial thoughts that we feel we need to type as status messages on facebook, we know our big days and celebrations, our not-so-great moments and setbacks. Everything bare for everyone (or perhaps a smaller network of people) to digest.
I sometimes think if I were a teenager in this current era, I would find it very hard to fall in love! The mystery or hidden faces of people no longer have a chance of existing in the shadows. So, I don't really get a chance to wonder if he is thinking of me, if he secretly reads classic romances or if he actually cries at sad movies, if his friends are wild and unpredictable or if he has a hidden talent. Thanks to social networking sites, they are all out there for me to see. I know most of what there is to know about him. Hmm...interesting. Wonder what li'l r~ would think of this comment when she becomes a teenager :)
On the other hand, I have reconnected with faces from my past. We are sort of in-touch. We thumbs-up each other when we see photos we like, we comment on random posts now and then. Not what you can call a heart-to-heart talk, laughing and giggling over college days, but still not strangers who need to be reintroduced after several decades either.
So, what does this all come down to? Absence no longer makes the heart grow fonder because there is no real absence in the real sense of the word, unless of course you are like my brother and are phone/internet-free because you are in some quaint little town somewhere in Kashmir hiking towards the Himalayas? But then you are back to being connected and the magic is there for everyone to see -- which sorts of disperses it and makes it not so magical...right?
I mean, my brother texts me, my gynecologist texts me about appointment details and my boss does when he is in meetings and cannot actually call. Seems like we are all there for each other. No mystery, no wonders.
"Hmm, the last I saw her was when I graduated...she always wanted to settle down in America...wonder if she is still with so-and-so..."
becomes
"Hmm, the last I saw her was when I graduated. She is now in Africa, a travel guide who has written several books on the topic. Nope, she is still single."
There is a difference...isn't there? It all seems fabulous if you think about it -- I can see my blog comments on my iphone when am waiting at the dentist's office. Don't have to worry about delayed gratification. It's all instant. But then, the kindle can never replace the authenticity of a worn-out novel in a library. I guess, that makes me old-fashioned. But, you already know that -- you saw my facebook update.
I wonder if this whole wave of constant-connectedness will change the dynamics of human relationships. Let's take blogs for instance. I hear SRK and Amir Khan blog too. It was big news when the big B started blogging. Now, my very first serious crush, SRK, blogs too. I assumed I would be thrilled but when I googled for his blog, I almost wished I wouldn't find it. Somehow the charm and mystique he (and bollywood) stands for would be lost if I read it and realized that he is just like you and me. But then, he is human too, just elevated to dizzying heights, I guess. So, why wouldn't he want to blog and express what goes through his head? Thoughts and observations too trivial or too complex to express face-to-face but perfectly safe as bits on a screen?
The same goes for facebook. Almost everyone at work is on facebook -- we know each other's trivial and not-so-trivial thoughts that we feel we need to type as status messages on facebook, we know our big days and celebrations, our not-so-great moments and setbacks. Everything bare for everyone (or perhaps a smaller network of people) to digest.
I sometimes think if I were a teenager in this current era, I would find it very hard to fall in love! The mystery or hidden faces of people no longer have a chance of existing in the shadows. So, I don't really get a chance to wonder if he is thinking of me, if he secretly reads classic romances or if he actually cries at sad movies, if his friends are wild and unpredictable or if he has a hidden talent. Thanks to social networking sites, they are all out there for me to see. I know most of what there is to know about him. Hmm...interesting. Wonder what li'l r~ would think of this comment when she becomes a teenager :)
On the other hand, I have reconnected with faces from my past. We are sort of in-touch. We thumbs-up each other when we see photos we like, we comment on random posts now and then. Not what you can call a heart-to-heart talk, laughing and giggling over college days, but still not strangers who need to be reintroduced after several decades either.
So, what does this all come down to? Absence no longer makes the heart grow fonder because there is no real absence in the real sense of the word, unless of course you are like my brother and are phone/internet-free because you are in some quaint little town somewhere in Kashmir hiking towards the Himalayas? But then you are back to being connected and the magic is there for everyone to see -- which sorts of disperses it and makes it not so magical...right?
I mean, my brother texts me, my gynecologist texts me about appointment details and my boss does when he is in meetings and cannot actually call. Seems like we are all there for each other. No mystery, no wonders.
"Hmm, the last I saw her was when I graduated...she always wanted to settle down in America...wonder if she is still with so-and-so..."
becomes
"Hmm, the last I saw her was when I graduated. She is now in Africa, a travel guide who has written several books on the topic. Nope, she is still single."
There is a difference...isn't there? It all seems fabulous if you think about it -- I can see my blog comments on my iphone when am waiting at the dentist's office. Don't have to worry about delayed gratification. It's all instant. But then, the kindle can never replace the authenticity of a worn-out novel in a library. I guess, that makes me old-fashioned. But, you already know that -- you saw my facebook update.
July 02, 2009
Conversation with thatha.
Of late, I have been thinking about my grandfather and grandmother -- how my life perhaps would have been different, richer if I had had the opportunity to interact with them. Whenever mom tells me a story about thatha, my mind conjures up images of a well-built, handsome, somewhat daunting man with a volatile temper and a demure, intelligent (not the bookish sense which I fear is the only kind that I possess) wife.
Colorful scenes from his past flow like cool satin (don't ask me why I thought of satin, that's just what came to my mind -- satin and silk waving kisses in a cool breeze) when I think of my thatha -- his life as a teacher in Colombo, his love for his mother, yet another colorful character...a rather portly lady who had great sense of humor, tremendous spiritual powers and a unique (in that time) fondness for her daughter-in-law, his photographic memory for books and details, his powerful, cursive handwriting...in all a lofty image of a lofty man (in the good sense) that I unfortunately never met.
I have this secret (hah!) wish to write a book about my maternal grandparents. Nope, it will never be a best seller but it will possibly be the most satisfying piece of writing that my pen has ever produced. Because it will let me put myself in their lives and be a part of it...
Most of the stories I found interesting occurred in a place I have never seen -- Colombo. They were stories of a life I have never been exposed to...when you lived under a hostile government that had declared that "Non-nationalists must quit!". My thatha earned well as a professor but only a part of the money reached his large family of a wife and 8 children. Mom says he was a master of the English language. Poems, quotations, words were a part of his regular conversations...I have never met a person in my life who could do that -- recall an appropriate text from a classic literary piece or a poem to quote at the right time! Mom says thatha did not leave behind money for his children but something a lot more precious -- the blessings and power of his prayers.
My paatti was as different from him as could be. She was an intelligent student who stopped studying past the fifth grade to get married. Thatha decided to marry her soon as he met her...brother! A lively, handsome young man who died young :( This brings to my mind the image of the first child that my grandparents lost -- Samanthaka mani. She was to be their most intelligent child if she hadn't passed away at the age of three. How weird that I feel sad for an aunt that I never met...an aunt I wish I had met, will maybe meet if not in this lifetime, in some other one?
So many stories, so many memories I try to make my own...where are you now, thatha? Are you reading this now? My silly little words struggling to convey what they set out to convey?
I set out to write down a make-believe conversation between you and me but it turned out to be something else. The make-believe world is powerful, isn't it? No wonder children amuse themselves endlessly in their make-believe worlds -- where dreams come true, where it's possible to experience what real-life fails to deliver...and this is my make-believe world, thatha. Not entirely. But, at times like this, when real life fades, this world is what keeps me going.
Here is what I read last from your letters to my mom,
"...In other words, I am preparing for my "Last journey",
"Our little systems have their day
They have their day and cease to be
They are but broken lights of thee
But thou my lord, are more than they"
In memoriam (Tennyson)
Reply soon..."
Yes...reply soon, thatha...
Colorful scenes from his past flow like cool satin (don't ask me why I thought of satin, that's just what came to my mind -- satin and silk waving kisses in a cool breeze) when I think of my thatha -- his life as a teacher in Colombo, his love for his mother, yet another colorful character...a rather portly lady who had great sense of humor, tremendous spiritual powers and a unique (in that time) fondness for her daughter-in-law, his photographic memory for books and details, his powerful, cursive handwriting...in all a lofty image of a lofty man (in the good sense) that I unfortunately never met.
I have this secret (hah!) wish to write a book about my maternal grandparents. Nope, it will never be a best seller but it will possibly be the most satisfying piece of writing that my pen has ever produced. Because it will let me put myself in their lives and be a part of it...
Most of the stories I found interesting occurred in a place I have never seen -- Colombo. They were stories of a life I have never been exposed to...when you lived under a hostile government that had declared that "Non-nationalists must quit!". My thatha earned well as a professor but only a part of the money reached his large family of a wife and 8 children. Mom says he was a master of the English language. Poems, quotations, words were a part of his regular conversations...I have never met a person in my life who could do that -- recall an appropriate text from a classic literary piece or a poem to quote at the right time! Mom says thatha did not leave behind money for his children but something a lot more precious -- the blessings and power of his prayers.
My paatti was as different from him as could be. She was an intelligent student who stopped studying past the fifth grade to get married. Thatha decided to marry her soon as he met her...brother! A lively, handsome young man who died young :( This brings to my mind the image of the first child that my grandparents lost -- Samanthaka mani. She was to be their most intelligent child if she hadn't passed away at the age of three. How weird that I feel sad for an aunt that I never met...an aunt I wish I had met, will maybe meet if not in this lifetime, in some other one?
So many stories, so many memories I try to make my own...where are you now, thatha? Are you reading this now? My silly little words struggling to convey what they set out to convey?
I set out to write down a make-believe conversation between you and me but it turned out to be something else. The make-believe world is powerful, isn't it? No wonder children amuse themselves endlessly in their make-believe worlds -- where dreams come true, where it's possible to experience what real-life fails to deliver...and this is my make-believe world, thatha. Not entirely. But, at times like this, when real life fades, this world is what keeps me going.
Here is what I read last from your letters to my mom,
"...In other words, I am preparing for my "Last journey",
"Our little systems have their day
They have their day and cease to be
They are but broken lights of thee
But thou my lord, are more than they"
In memoriam (Tennyson)
Reply soon..."
Yes...reply soon, thatha...
June 18, 2009
k-yum cable-um (k and the cable)!
Pulled off some neat stuff for k's birthday! Here's a sneak preview of a skit we arranged with clues pointing to a few of k's gifts! More posts with more details. For now, enjoy the show! Actors: - s~, s~ & b~ :) Looks like acting runs in the family! Oh...and can you guess the gifts -- each video has a clue pointing to a gift and all four gifts belong to the same family ;)
Please double-click the video links below. I have withheld embedding permissions.
Please double-click the video links below. I have withheld embedding permissions.
June 07, 2009
Why husband-wife debug sessions don't work!
"Hey k, do you know why this doesn't work?"
k stares at my screen for a few seconds and then assumes a smug expression, "The url looks wrong".
"But, I verified that it works..."
"Has a space. Wrong."
"But..."
"Try this..." and he proceeds to tell me what I should do to fix the problem.
"But, I would argue that..."
"Just try it."
"!@@$#***"
k stares at my screen for a few seconds and then assumes a smug expression, "The url looks wrong".
"But, I verified that it works..."
"Has a space. Wrong."
"But..."
"Try this..." and he proceeds to tell me what I should do to fix the problem.
"But, I would argue that..."
"Just try it."
"!@@$#***"
June 01, 2009
Rab ne bana di jodi.
I am disappointed. All good things must come to an end, I guess. And so it is with SRK movies and me. Rab ne...irritated me several times in the 2 and a 1/2 hours that I spent with it. It tries to be Dil To Pagal He but fails. It tries to be DDLJ (Mujhe le chalo, Raj!) and fails. It tries to be many things but falls flat on its face instead.
What irritated me most is the voice of the director speaking through Anushka with a self-complacent air about what a woman wants. Nope. You got it wrong this time, director (although, you have gotten it right several times before), you do not know what a woman wants. Not every woman wants to be loved more than anyone else has ever been loved. And certainly, that's not the only thing a woman ever wants.
I guess, what finally tilted the scales for me (It was pretty hard for a I-love-movies girl like me to admit that I did not like an SRK movie) was this we-figured-out-what-women-want attitude. And the thing is they got it all wrong. If I were Anushka, I would certainly not accept the oily-haired-bespectacled SRK in the end -- "You know how to be err...cool, so be cool, dude!" I mean, which girl is going to go for that SRK avatar after she has fallen for the other hasta-hua etc. SRK? Come on!
And I am as devout as anyone else and even if mujhe Rab dikh gaya, I would still try to update Rab's look and style so I can live with Rab; know what I mean? There was too much Rab-Rab talk for me in the movie anyway.
And I would be MAD if my husband played a trick on me by trying to be an imposter. Some of the decisions that the oily-headed-SRK makes in the movie made me mad too. If you are an imposter, come to fool your vulnerable wife to fall in love with your boring self, then don't blame her for infidelity. That is really not acceptable. And you can do an upside down tap dance for me on stilts and I still won't accept you!
So there. I said it. I did not like Rab ne...I still think SRK rocks though. I live in the DDLJ world too much to not think that.
What irritated me most is the voice of the director speaking through Anushka with a self-complacent air about what a woman wants. Nope. You got it wrong this time, director (although, you have gotten it right several times before), you do not know what a woman wants. Not every woman wants to be loved more than anyone else has ever been loved. And certainly, that's not the only thing a woman ever wants.
I guess, what finally tilted the scales for me (It was pretty hard for a I-love-movies girl like me to admit that I did not like an SRK movie) was this we-figured-out-what-women-want attitude. And the thing is they got it all wrong. If I were Anushka, I would certainly not accept the oily-haired-bespectacled SRK in the end -- "You know how to be err...cool, so be cool, dude!" I mean, which girl is going to go for that SRK avatar after she has fallen for the other hasta-hua etc. SRK? Come on!
And I am as devout as anyone else and even if mujhe Rab dikh gaya, I would still try to update Rab's look and style so I can live with Rab; know what I mean? There was too much Rab-Rab talk for me in the movie anyway.
And I would be MAD if my husband played a trick on me by trying to be an imposter. Some of the decisions that the oily-headed-SRK makes in the movie made me mad too. If you are an imposter, come to fool your vulnerable wife to fall in love with your boring self, then don't blame her for infidelity. That is really not acceptable. And you can do an upside down tap dance for me on stilts and I still won't accept you!
So there. I said it. I did not like Rab ne...I still think SRK rocks though. I live in the DDLJ world too much to not think that.
May 18, 2009
Moms stuff.
Got this from l~ on mother's day -- it's hilarious and... cute!
Best mom of the year -- me!
This other link is about Priscilla Dunstan and her baby-talk language. I tried to apply it to r~ when she was around 4 months old but she was probably past the new born baby-talk at that point. Highly amusing (for moms) to say the least.
Baby-talk
And this is my very first mother's day gift; it's engraved and plays a melody -- r~ loves it as much as I do!
And this email is something every mom will appreciate -- k sent me this email a day before r~ was born:
"I am so proud of the way you are coping with labor."
...so something does go on in that head of his while he does all his staring-at-vacant-spots-stuff; poor dude has hardly got a chance to relax and stare since he sent this email :p
Best mom of the year -- me!
This other link is about Priscilla Dunstan and her baby-talk language. I tried to apply it to r~ when she was around 4 months old but she was probably past the new born baby-talk at that point. Highly amusing (for moms) to say the least.
Baby-talk
And this is my very first mother's day gift; it's engraved and plays a melody -- r~ loves it as much as I do!
And this email is something every mom will appreciate -- k sent me this email a day before r~ was born:
"I am so proud of the way you are coping with labor."
...so something does go on in that head of his while he does all his staring-at-vacant-spots-stuff; poor dude has hardly got a chance to relax and stare since he sent this email :p
May 12, 2009
About a mom.
IBH's tag -- top 5 reasons why I love being a mom.
1. When I come home from work and call out to r~, she dumps everything she is doing midway, ignores everyone else around her and heads straight to me with a big smile on her face...almost breathless! Gotta love that feeling :)
2. Am surprised at how the dad role fits k perfectly. He is great at being a dad -- touch wood. Not that I expected him to find it a challenge...well, ok, I'll admit it. I think he is even more patient a parent than I am (See how nicely I worded that? ;). He always does the one little extra thooli-aatardu, rocking etc when I have given up and almost drifted off to sleep! And while I was teetering between being conscious and barely-so the first few weeks, he mastered diaper-changing and that is quite something!
3. Ok, I don't really have a well-formed idea for this point. So, I am just going to use whatever phrases come to mind...
An exciting, satisfying, thrilling...life-long project; scary because there is this little life dependent on you but that somehow makes your life worth so much more; an adventure every day; never realized I hadn't "played" in ages; emotionally tied to someone like I never have before; moms have got to be better people in general -- how can you be self-centered with a little one in your life?; Focused; No one knows her better than I do -- lovely feeling; love the possessiveness that's a part of being a mom; love reading, researching doing all I can to do the best for her; love the smiles, the shrieks of delight, the babbling...the milestones, the everything...
4. Woman power takes on a whole different meaning after child birth. I feel empowered. Moms rock.
5. We are mom and daughter. We are a unit. We have a little world of our own. For now, that's all that matters.
1. When I come home from work and call out to r~, she dumps everything she is doing midway, ignores everyone else around her and heads straight to me with a big smile on her face...almost breathless! Gotta love that feeling :)
2. Am surprised at how the dad role fits k perfectly. He is great at being a dad -- touch wood. Not that I expected him to find it a challenge...well, ok, I'll admit it. I think he is even more patient a parent than I am (See how nicely I worded that? ;). He always does the one little extra thooli-aatardu, rocking etc when I have given up and almost drifted off to sleep! And while I was teetering between being conscious and barely-so the first few weeks, he mastered diaper-changing and that is quite something!
3. Ok, I don't really have a well-formed idea for this point. So, I am just going to use whatever phrases come to mind...
An exciting, satisfying, thrilling...life-long project; scary because there is this little life dependent on you but that somehow makes your life worth so much more; an adventure every day; never realized I hadn't "played" in ages; emotionally tied to someone like I never have before; moms have got to be better people in general -- how can you be self-centered with a little one in your life?; Focused; No one knows her better than I do -- lovely feeling; love the possessiveness that's a part of being a mom; love reading, researching doing all I can to do the best for her; love the smiles, the shrieks of delight, the babbling...the milestones, the everything...
4. Woman power takes on a whole different meaning after child birth. I feel empowered. Moms rock.
5. We are mom and daughter. We are a unit. We have a little world of our own. For now, that's all that matters.
April 27, 2009
*23*
Apparently, 25 is the indisputable king of lists. Facebook has a list of 25 random facts about you; you read about top 25 changes you can make to your wardrobe to not look like a maid everyday (Ok fine, that's just one of the lists I plan to make soon), 25 ways to become a new you...you get the point.
And so, I wish to nominate 23 as the new 25. Just for kicks. Also because my birthday falls on 23rd. And I hereby present 23 thoughts and all that that you were dying to read about all this time! Why here? Where else? Nobody asked me for my 25 thoughts on face-book or orkut or myspace...wait, I don't have an account on myspace. But, yeah. Nobody in any sort of online community went, "Gosh! RS, you have to tell me 25 trivial thoughts that ran in your head today! Can't wait to hear!" So anyway...
*drumroll*
1. I keep reading it's good to be grateful. I am grateful to Stephenie Meyers (Of the Twilight fame) for making the last few days' wait for little r~ more bearable -- almost a blur in my head.
2. I recently started sleeping on the other side of the bed. It was weird at first.
3. It's so weird when people say hi and smile but don't even carry the smile on their faces until you walk past them. Kind of like auto-pilot. So they looks really comical in that second when they suddenly switch from smiling to expression-less.
4. k says am in awe of someone or the other all the time. Is that a good thing or not?
5. I always thought I would fall for someone who didn't obey all the rules.
6. I typically try to follow all the rules.
7. Home birthing is a whole new story.
8. Stay at home moms are rock stars
9. Temporary obsessions are fun -- like Harry Potter, Twilight, Shopaholic series...
10. I don't think I am meant to have a best girl-friend. k has been with me to more girly events than I can recall.
11. Oh my God! I just realized I don't have a best boy-friend either.
12. Overall, you are not very different from how I am.
13. Is there such a thing as online-ADD? Pick the laptop to do something online; do something else; also do yet another thing online; become totally distracted.
14. How many useless memories can you recall now? I can think of one -- I remember this girl (my senior at UK) had her hands on the bottom of the steering wheel while driving. She had grey woolen gloves on. I remember being fascinated that 1) She could drive 2) She could drive with her hands resting like that on the steering wheel. I wondered when I would ever own a car and drive on my own. I always wanted to be her friend.
15. I don't do maps.
16. Dhanush was super funny in Padikaadhavan.
17. Twilight plays in my car too -- Bella's lullaby rocks.
19. I admire women who are always well-dressed -- to work, to drop their kids to school, to walk in the park; how do they do it?
20. Anyone else out there that watched DDLJ 7 times and cried the first 3 times?
21. Many times, I find I am unconsciously spelling words with my right hand index finger -- weird.
22. Wonder how things would have turned out if my parents had stuck with my original name, Narmada?
23. Be frank, ok? If I write a collection of short stories, will it sell?
And so, I wish to nominate 23 as the new 25. Just for kicks. Also because my birthday falls on 23rd. And I hereby present 23 thoughts and all that that you were dying to read about all this time! Why here? Where else? Nobody asked me for my 25 thoughts on face-book or orkut or myspace...wait, I don't have an account on myspace. But, yeah. Nobody in any sort of online community went, "Gosh! RS, you have to tell me 25 trivial thoughts that ran in your head today! Can't wait to hear!" So anyway...
*drumroll*
1. I keep reading it's good to be grateful. I am grateful to Stephenie Meyers (Of the Twilight fame) for making the last few days' wait for little r~ more bearable -- almost a blur in my head.
2. I recently started sleeping on the other side of the bed. It was weird at first.
3. It's so weird when people say hi and smile but don't even carry the smile on their faces until you walk past them. Kind of like auto-pilot. So they looks really comical in that second when they suddenly switch from smiling to expression-less.
4. k says am in awe of someone or the other all the time. Is that a good thing or not?
5. I always thought I would fall for someone who didn't obey all the rules.
6. I typically try to follow all the rules.
7. Home birthing is a whole new story.
8. Stay at home moms are rock stars
9. Temporary obsessions are fun -- like Harry Potter, Twilight, Shopaholic series...
10. I don't think I am meant to have a best girl-friend. k has been with me to more girly events than I can recall.
11. Oh my God! I just realized I don't have a best boy-friend either.
12. Overall, you are not very different from how I am.
13. Is there such a thing as online-ADD? Pick the laptop to do something online; do something else; also do yet another thing online; become totally distracted.
14. How many useless memories can you recall now? I can think of one -- I remember this girl (my senior at UK) had her hands on the bottom of the steering wheel while driving. She had grey woolen gloves on. I remember being fascinated that 1) She could drive 2) She could drive with her hands resting like that on the steering wheel. I wondered when I would ever own a car and drive on my own. I always wanted to be her friend.
15. I don't do maps.
16. Dhanush was super funny in Padikaadhavan.
17. Twilight plays in my car too -- Bella's lullaby rocks.
19. I admire women who are always well-dressed -- to work, to drop their kids to school, to walk in the park; how do they do it?
20. Anyone else out there that watched DDLJ 7 times and cried the first 3 times?
21. Many times, I find I am unconsciously spelling words with my right hand index finger -- weird.
22. Wonder how things would have turned out if my parents had stuck with my original name, Narmada?
23. Be frank, ok? If I write a collection of short stories, will it sell?
April 13, 2009
Stuck.
Today is one of those days that I feel stuck. Stuck in life. It's one of those days where nothing goes wrong in particular, no one says anything to set me off but I just don't feel right. I don't even know why.
Ever have one of those days? A day full of minor routines, maybe one or two pieces that won't fall in place -- a server that won't work, a plan that doesn't seem to be materializing, a dream that is half-way implemented -- and it feels like I just want to curl up and go back to bed and not go about any routine or talk to anyone.
So, I stopped debugging the server, stopped worrying about the incomplete dream, and just looked at the photos I took yesterday of r~.
That didn't fix my vague blue mood or fill me with a surge of adrenalin to get going but at least it reminded me that soon, I will be home playing with her and then everything will take a back-seat. It made me smile.
Thank God for that.
Oh! And Happy Tamil New Year's Day!
Ever have one of those days? A day full of minor routines, maybe one or two pieces that won't fall in place -- a server that won't work, a plan that doesn't seem to be materializing, a dream that is half-way implemented -- and it feels like I just want to curl up and go back to bed and not go about any routine or talk to anyone.
So, I stopped debugging the server, stopped worrying about the incomplete dream, and just looked at the photos I took yesterday of r~.
That didn't fix my vague blue mood or fill me with a surge of adrenalin to get going but at least it reminded me that soon, I will be home playing with her and then everything will take a back-seat. It made me smile.
Thank God for that.
Oh! And Happy Tamil New Year's Day!
April 03, 2009
Work family balance -- hah!
As you can tell, am back to work part-time. They even have a PT community at work which is strange considering PT is not a very promising career path nowadays, they tell me. There is always one high-visibility meeting that you will miss irrespective of which half of the day you choose to work. Oh well. At least I have a something called a career (outside home, that is), for now (touch wood).
So, an interesting incident happened today when I was @ work from home. r~ was sleeping upstairs and I had this brilliant idea that I should attend the meeting using our home phone downstairs since the baby was upstairs. Which is all well and good except that the baby eats downstairs not in the bedroom. Now, how did I miss this piece of logic in my logical brain is beyond me. So, I logged into my telephone conference call while testing the client on my laptop and suddenly k's mom gets r~ down. r~ having just woken up is fussing. The poor thing has a bad viral infection and that doesn't add any joy either.
I am just a dummy in the meeting because I am just getting back to work after a loongish siesta for 6 months. Heh. So, I do what comes automatically to me. I fill a bowl quickly with whatever the baby has to eat and hand it to k's mom, chitchatting along the way. The brilliant idea here is that once that this little detail taken care of, k's mom will feed whatever r~ will accept (given her runny nose and cough) and I can meanwhile carry on with my meeting (almost) uninterrupted.
But, of course, we always forget the little things. I did not mute my phone. And s~ pings me and says, "Umm...you might want to mute your phone :)"
Ah! The mute feature. How convenient. How also very not smart of me to not use it.
k tells me, you know you can always use the room upstairs. Hmm...yup, I could have done that but then the six people who were busy sitting at their desks and diligently testing the code wouldn't have been introduced to my sweet daughter's melodious calls.
I get back on the phone and say, "Aah...(nice pause)...sorry if you hear r~ in the background...heh."
One soul patiently responds, "No problem!"
Yup. No problem as long as the mute feature works. I realized I am one of those people on the call that provides comic relief with a funny sound in their background that they didn't realize was getting through the call and then they go, "Oh...just a minute. Down Peter, down boy, down." And the dog whimpers and stops barking into the conference call :p
And that is the beginning of my series titled "Work-life-balance -- a collection of faux pas"
So, an interesting incident happened today when I was @ work from home. r~ was sleeping upstairs and I had this brilliant idea that I should attend the meeting using our home phone downstairs since the baby was upstairs. Which is all well and good except that the baby eats downstairs not in the bedroom. Now, how did I miss this piece of logic in my logical brain is beyond me. So, I logged into my telephone conference call while testing the client on my laptop and suddenly k's mom gets r~ down. r~ having just woken up is fussing. The poor thing has a bad viral infection and that doesn't add any joy either.
I am just a dummy in the meeting because I am just getting back to work after a loongish siesta for 6 months. Heh. So, I do what comes automatically to me. I fill a bowl quickly with whatever the baby has to eat and hand it to k's mom, chitchatting along the way. The brilliant idea here is that once that this little detail taken care of, k's mom will feed whatever r~ will accept (given her runny nose and cough) and I can meanwhile carry on with my meeting (almost) uninterrupted.
But, of course, we always forget the little things. I did not mute my phone. And s~ pings me and says, "Umm...you might want to mute your phone :)"
Ah! The mute feature. How convenient. How also very not smart of me to not use it.
k tells me, you know you can always use the room upstairs. Hmm...yup, I could have done that but then the six people who were busy sitting at their desks and diligently testing the code wouldn't have been introduced to my sweet daughter's melodious calls.
I get back on the phone and say, "Aah...(nice pause)...sorry if you hear r~ in the background...heh."
One soul patiently responds, "No problem!"
Yup. No problem as long as the mute feature works. I realized I am one of those people on the call that provides comic relief with a funny sound in their background that they didn't realize was getting through the call and then they go, "Oh...just a minute. Down Peter, down boy, down." And the dog whimpers and stops barking into the conference call :p
And that is the beginning of my series titled "Work-life-balance -- a collection of faux pas"
April 01, 2009
Being.
So, I thought the hardest thing was going through labor and having a baby. Am pretty sure I even read that labor is one of the most difficult of human pains to endure. Turns out that's true but it's just the beginning of the really unpredictable journey of motherhood.
I often tell k that when people tell me it's all in my head, it makes me mad because most times, I am not imagining things. What I am feeling is real. As my nurse practitioner put it, "Well honey, isn't everything in the head? Even pain is an emotion that is controlled by your head!" True. Lately, I have heard a bunch of truisms :p if I can call it that.
Like my yoga instructor, Toni, said, "Now take a moment...to enjoy the choice you have made." That struck a chord with me. The other thing she said was, "Ok so, what's the worst thing that can happen if I do this pose?" And then she goes on, "So, I end up looking like an idiot. Which is fine. It's ok to do that sometimes." Yup. It is ok. Life does not give you a chance to be perfect at all times. So, if I looked like an idiot now and then, why not go with the flow and enjoy the chance to don a different character on? Enjoy the ride...as they say.
When people tell me they finally managed to..."achieve this", "do that", "complete this" -- action verbs that hide a lot of sweat and effort behind them -- my question to them is, "So, how do you feel?", "You must be happy now!" and the reason I do that is also to remind myself that where I am in life -- my achievements, my experiences -- are a result of conscious choice and lot of hard work and I have earned the right to be happy when I can be instead of planning for the next milestone to overcome. I have a feeling I often miss the larger picture in life and then look back wistfully at a past experience while having missed the opportunity to enjoy it at its fullest when it actually transpired. I guess I inherited my dad's gene in this case -- to plan ahead. I remember all my childhood, my dad told me, "P l a n n i n g", "Pros and cons"...and the other day he tells me, "RS, I think you are just planning way too ahead of everything...just take it as it comes" -- this from the planner himself.
Sometimes Mostly, life is unpredictable and while some looking into the future is essential, I think just being and enjoying the experience is equally important. Maybe I should keep notes in my diary, "Wish I could...", "Waiting to..." and then look at it in the future and make a conscious effort to thrill in the small (and big) achievements of life. As Monica in friends would say, "Check!"
And...as Toni says, "Enjoy the choice you have made."
Like now. Not when r~ turns thirty! Oh! That reminds me. I was at b~ & p~'s place and we played with r~ and soon it was time to leave. p~ tells me we hardly got a chance to catch up, we can do that when they drop by our place. I tell her to drop by after 8 in the night so we stand a good chance that r~ is asleep so we can talk easily. p~ hesitates and tells me, "Umm...I want to play with r~, so I don't think I'll come after 8!"
I forget the main attraction nowadays is the little one. Duh.
I often tell k that when people tell me it's all in my head, it makes me mad because most times, I am not imagining things. What I am feeling is real. As my nurse practitioner put it, "Well honey, isn't everything in the head? Even pain is an emotion that is controlled by your head!" True. Lately, I have heard a bunch of truisms :p if I can call it that.
Like my yoga instructor, Toni, said, "Now take a moment...to enjoy the choice you have made." That struck a chord with me. The other thing she said was, "Ok so, what's the worst thing that can happen if I do this pose?" And then she goes on, "So, I end up looking like an idiot. Which is fine. It's ok to do that sometimes." Yup. It is ok. Life does not give you a chance to be perfect at all times. So, if I looked like an idiot now and then, why not go with the flow and enjoy the chance to don a different character on? Enjoy the ride...as they say.
When people tell me they finally managed to..."achieve this", "do that", "complete this" -- action verbs that hide a lot of sweat and effort behind them -- my question to them is, "So, how do you feel?", "You must be happy now!" and the reason I do that is also to remind myself that where I am in life -- my achievements, my experiences -- are a result of conscious choice and lot of hard work and I have earned the right to be happy when I can be instead of planning for the next milestone to overcome. I have a feeling I often miss the larger picture in life and then look back wistfully at a past experience while having missed the opportunity to enjoy it at its fullest when it actually transpired. I guess I inherited my dad's gene in this case -- to plan ahead. I remember all my childhood, my dad told me, "P l a n n i n g", "Pros and cons"...and the other day he tells me, "RS, I think you are just planning way too ahead of everything...just take it as it comes" -- this from the planner himself.
And...as Toni says, "Enjoy the choice you have made."
Like now. Not when r~ turns thirty! Oh! That reminds me. I was at b~ & p~'s place and we played with r~ and soon it was time to leave. p~ tells me we hardly got a chance to catch up, we can do that when they drop by our place. I tell her to drop by after 8 in the night so we stand a good chance that r~ is asleep so we can talk easily. p~ hesitates and tells me, "Umm...I want to play with r~, so I don't think I'll come after 8!"
I forget the main attraction nowadays is the little one. Duh.
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