September 24, 2009

Kids and all

I read yet another article on kids and what happens to your life after kids. And I was again startled to read a blanket statement that went something like, "People are unhappier with kids. They even admit it most times but always end with a disclaimer that states they wouldn't have it any other way; their lives are so much enriched with kids...blah". Now, this is startling for a number of reasons. Unhappy and kids? That's a very unlikely marriage. I can imagine couples being unhappy in their marriages but unhappy with kids? That's a stretch if you ask me. If kids make you unhappy, then I guess your requirements for happiness perhaps need a second draft, something more realistic and attainable?

Why does this irk me, you ask? For the obvious reason that I now have a kid and understand the pains and struggles that face parenthood, like an unending ocean of waves, crashing one after another. So, when someone comes along with this fancy statistic relating kids and unhappiness, it gets on my nerves. Why? Maybe because I am going through the experience right now and trying to stay on top of it and reading un-optimistic opinions like this makes my life seem that much harder. Maybe, I like reading material that helps reinforce my belief in my choices? Or maybe, equating kids and unhappiness seems just plain biased to me. Kids and stress. Kids and financial strains. Kids and lack of sleep. Agreed. Kids and unhappiness seems like there is some other root cause that is just convenient to transfer to kids and blame them for it.

On a somewhat related note, maybe there is some truth to the observation that more choices is just more stress for people. Life is really simpler when your choices are few. The problem with multiple choices is it offers you a variety of ways you can live your life and then it's all about defending your choices -- the kids you had or did not have, the career you have or do not have, the house you bought or did not buy. Through seemingly unrelated conversations, the subtle defense for your choices seeps through somehow. So, you find yourself justifying to others and yourself how your choices make a whole bunch of sense. I find this somewhat annoying especially when the choices people have made are quite different from mine and for that very reason maybe they find an urge to sneak in a statement validating their choices. Anyhow, that's how people are and possibly, I do that too inadvertently. So peace.

Aaah. So, am doing the single parent thingie for a week. Let's see how that goes. *Someone* is not going to be greeted by a pleasant face when he returns from his business trip if r~ keeps me sleep-deprived all week long :p

Stay tuned.


P B said...

I think most people here do not get extensive in-laws help as we get during delivery and forst few years. They take care mora than 90% of things. Moms here take longer parental vacation, some even leave jobs and stuck with their baby for such a long time. Some single moms take up day and night jobs added to taking care of their babies.

This is kind of stress "our" kind of moms cannot relate to.

I have heard it from atleast two american moms that they felt at some point extrmely stressed and they wanted to run away from home and their baby for a while.
I recently read a tamil short story where a house keeping mom leaves home with out telling any one. She comes back after two days, she did not answer any of the questions relating to her where abouts. I think these issues are related.

RS said...

Makes sense...challenging however you want to handle parenthood, I guess!

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Lavs said...

I finally managed to write about your book at my page. Have also tweeted abt it and it would appear in my tweets for some time.
Sorry for the delay.

How is the book sales?

RS said...

Lavs...thanks! Do let me know your contact info for the free copy :)

Lavs said...

You must know that i really did not put up that post for a free copy..though i would not mind one:)

One condition though, you must autograph it with my name..only then will i accept it...

how are the sales going?? You must also try to get someone from the blog aggregators sites to review your book...desipundit, blogbarati and the likes...keep spreading the word....

A suggestion: do provide your email link in this space or in the facebook page.There might be people who would want to write to you personally abt their views on the book and might not be comfortable doing so in the public forum.

For contact details, pls email me.My address is available in my profile page.

Thanks once again and good luck. Keep writing!!!

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