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February 22, 2006

What shall I name thee?

S~ and I were discussing the nature of relationships and he talked about relationships that have no name, some relationships that cannot be morphed to fit into a predefined slice, some relationships that lose meaning or gain a personality it doesn't possess if you try to categorize it...

And I wondered if there are indeed some relationships that we have failed to identify and classify. I wondered if it is the nature of the relationship or the inadequacy of our expression that failed to pick a name.

And today, as I talked to my Doctor about my general check-up and we discussed my health, I realized just how much trust I was placing in her hands. A stranger, yes. But a stranger that I shared something about me that I would hesitate sharing with a friend, yet placing a trust on her that would seem out of place except there. How do I categorize this relationship, that lasts just those moments spent in a bright and shining clinic room behind closed curtains?

I recently watched "Under the Tuscan Sun" and while the movie itself failed to leave a mark on me, I recalled a scene from it, an old man who comes daily to place flowers by his wife's grave and every day, he would look up and nod at Diane Lane as she watched him from her verandah. A glance of familiarity and empathy that lasted for a fraction of a second but that she looked forward to every day...a feeling that lasted only for those brief moments each day and yet it existed, it was real. What would she call this relationship?

And that made me think of all those people with no names that we run into every day at work, that we greet at the grocery store, distant aunts and uncles that we talk to for fifteen minutes once a year but take comfort in the fact that they exist - people who play a small but comforting part in our lives.

Here's my curtsey to them for completing the circle of my life. And a curtsey to all the people with names, that fill my little circle with meaning.

And as I am wont to doing, here's an article that left an impact on me, only vaguely related to this post. I just hope those nameless relationships in my lives won't go away like Paul, I hope I get a chance to say what I want to say to those people with no names. And even more so with the others...

13 comments:

IBH said...

RS,very well written!

I have had this problem of not able to name some relations as they are very important...in my life...:) hey RS,did u write something very similar sometime back?

An Idiot... said...

There are a plenty of things in the world that cannot be named. The beauty of a feeling towards someone/something is still great because you cannot name it and explain it; you just have to feel it....if you think in english; for names of relationships you might fall short. Though it is an Anglo-Saxon mix with dollops of French, Dutch, Greek,
Danish and a huge scoop of Latin, it does fall short in front my mother tongue....(I am always proud of my mother tongue, but I havent specified it here 'cos it is for your to guess...)

Regarding your short stint with your doctor...Well, that depends on how good a friend that person is and your perspective of that friendship. Your sharing of information with doctor is because you respect his/her profession as a doctor not as a friend. You tell things to him/her with an expectation...but with friends you dont have any expectations.....there is a biggg difference there.....And this happened to me a few days before...I could not have imagined a friend of mine teling me that the doctor had plans for inducing her labor...This definitely would not happen back home....though the bond of friendship remains the same, the perspective chagned here because of exposure to a different style of social life...

"Under the Tuscan Sun" scene - I term this just an acquaintance...you make eye contanct with someone..you smile and go...it is purely incidental...but when meet the person quite a few times the same way...you get used to it...and as u've said above, if it happens every day....it becomes a part of your daily routine...thats about it....

The life is not a complete circle for ppl in your age...there are plethora of things to come that would give you the panorama of life to complete the circle....till then just ride the horse of time.

May be a relationship might not have a place in the doctionary for you to blog :-) about that; but at heart you know what that relationship means and that is the beauty of human mind....and that draws the line of demarcation between what can be expressed in words and what cannot.....

Sometimes when you mouth stands wordless, tears comes to your rescue....

Prabu Karthik said...

actually u can take the example of a blog reader and the writer.

do we know each other? no.

analum regulara padikaromey.

Saranya Kishore said...

Hey RS,

Your page looks 'different' Is it intentional? :)

Muthukumar Puranam said...

RS,
enna oru invention of new problems :)). Probably they are yet to be named because we have not learnt to respect the named relations well!. Unless all our kown relations are happy with our behaviour towards them, like amma, appa, thatha, patti, cousins etc. we can go and start honouring unnamed ones. :).

RS said...

IBH - Thanks...yes, my earlier post was the circle of life about lexington junta :)

bingo boy (i need a better name :) - thats a whole new evocative post you have here, enjoyed reading it :)

The life is not a complete circle for ppl in your age...

and that would mean you are much older (maybe just more mature) than us?

btw, what is your mother tongue? :)

p~k - true! the same familiar comfort :)

saranya - yup, my birthday calls for new blog templates ;)

pb - i doubt it, i think some relationships are just what they are, they cannot take on a name... :)

IBH said...

hey is it ur birthday then?

Happy Birthday!

An Idiot... said...

That post of yours was almost close to a debate that I participated during my school days...and I lost :-(
when I saw a similar topic after a long time..I couldnt resist pouring out....and hence the long response....

answering ur questions...My mother tongue...Tamil...!!!
and my name u can use..RB

and on that circle...it should have been "our" instead of "your"...my mistake...

sb said...

blog readership + 1 :-)

the template looks kewl, excep for the pink color. :P:P:P

and yeah, I agree with "S" 100%. :-)

Prabu Karthik said...

Ah! whenever i wish someone, even belatedly i ask for a treat:)
so 'Happy birthday'
and
b'day treat venum:D

dinesh said...

Happy birthday !

You must be 42 or something right ? Just kidding ! :)

Padhinaarum petru peru vaazhvu vaazhvaayaaga !

RS said...

IBH - thanks :)

RB - I like long interesting comments, keep them coming :)

sb - figured you would!

p~k - sure buddy :)

dinesh - yeah, yeah! smart alec remarks and all, huh? wait till I catch you on your birthday ;)

Zeppelin said...

nice post...must say, perfectly timed from mhy perspective... :)

and the template is AWESOME !! especially the colour combinations and all.. i think you should take up a course in Creative Interior Design or something... ;)

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