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August 10, 2005

In the silence of the night...

In the cold comfort of darkness, when nobody can judge and right and wrong merge into the same shade of black, when my thoughts surround me, reverberating in the silence of the night, I hear the voice of a young girl, a voice full of hope and verve, joie de vivre in the unlikeliest of places, in the unlikeliest of times - holocaust, Holland - 1942.

It's a long time since I cried after reading a book. I did last night after reading The diary of a young girl. I kept thinking of Anne...this was not like reading any novel where I may feel happy, sad, excited for the characters in the story but after a few minutes, I do realize that the characters are just that - characters given life by the author's colorful imagination, made concrete and realistic by my own imagination - they are not real. But reading this diary was different...a young girl all of thirteen years who shared her most intimate thoughts with her diary and with us, not knowing what fate had in store for her...hell modified as a concentration camp on earth; I couldn't help but feel an indescribable rage against the people responsible, against the injustice of it all...

I wish she had lived to talk about it, to realize her dream of becoming a writer, a great writer...

I wish so many things...and in the semiconscious state between wakefullness and sleep, I thought of many other things, not all of which made sense...

If Anne had been alive now, she would be around 75 years old, would she have been so famous had she lived to tell her story? And a silly little thought popped in my head, if Anne were reborn, then who was she reborn as...could it be me? I brushed the thought aside and thought of the flaw of creation itself...Why would God create us, bestow us with lives that ended, sometimes so unexpectedly? Was he so unhappy with us that he is making us live our unpredictable lives with the constant fear that what we cherish might become a mere memory?

I chided myself for such thoughts but the mysticism of the night and my own confused thoughts prodded on relentlessly...

Take Anne for instance, would she have become so famous had she been alive? Do we only realize what we possess when we lose it? Why can't I just take all I love, everything and everyone I hold dear to a safe haven where noone can lay a finger on them? Silly thoughts, morbid thoughts and the tears hardly dried.

What, after all, is the purpose of life? What are our lives worth - yours and mine? Here now and gone in an instant...will you think of me after I am gone?

12 comments:

Prabu Karthik said...

RS

Life la sila 'Yen' galukku ellam badhiley illai ennai porutha variakum.

just read "Man's search for meaning" by Viktor Frankl.

He is a concentration camp survivor.
(if at all u need any incentive to read it, this should suffice i guess)

acording to viktor frankl..hmm.. no u better read that book and let me know.

subramoni said...

I believe you are talking about Anne Frank's diary. I have read a little of it myself and the poignanancy in it just overwhelmed me. Had she been alive today, she would have been just another holocaust survivor, nothing else. It is only coz she isn't here that people are fascinated. Coming to your philosophical thoughts, I am afraid mum' s the word. Wow, I just realized that's the longest I have written since July 4th ;).

Prabu Karthik said...

RS

Sujatha short story onnu irukku....
oru couple..they go to a falls/lake. they die.
the story starts with their death.

what they talk before they die forms the story.

ennai rombo disturb pannina story adhu.
i am not sure if i am making sense.. but anyway...

TJ said...

Good question!! Avlodhan, adhukku mela aedhuvum solla mudiyadhu..

One of my friends did engineering with me, and started working for the great company in redmond, Seattle. After 3 years[around mid 2003], quit the job, went to Rishikesh, initiated himself into sanyas.
All in search of finding the answer for the question you raised. ;)

sb said...

RS,
"Why would God create us, bestow us with lives that ended, sometimes so unexpectedly? Was he so unhappy with us that he is making us live our unpredictable lives with the constant fear that what we cherish might become a mere memory? "
Been there, felt that, dealing with it.
All I can say is, life is not about fear or insecurity, it is about the learning process and the knowledge we gain from our experiences.
Might sound heartless or philosophical, but I find this most consoling, practical, energising to proceed with it.
:-)

RS said...

P~K: Will add it to my to-read list, ana ipo i am emotionally exhausted, definitely some light reading now - thinking of reading "Cyrano de bergerac" :)

Subu: True, the thing is this is her diary and not a novel...that makes all the difference. Yes, you should put up another post soon :)

P~K: Yes, you do...I have just started reading Sujatha's short stories (konja kashta pattu :))...will post my thoughts if I do read this story...

TJ: :), I guess you live a lifetime to answer some questions...

Sujan: No, not heartless or philosophical...I remember your reponse to a previous post of mine, something along a similar vein...made sense then, makes sense now :)

mathangi k said...

amazing blog...floored me completely..

Anne Franks diary is one book that had me in tears-anger against the injustice.. yet it leaves me with a sense of hope. Anne's love of life, her plain acceptance of her lot and her undying hope for a better tomorrow - they reaffirm my faith in the relentless tenacity of the human spirit..

And Sujan, I agree with you..

Awesome writing, RS.

:)
Mathangi

PS: If you havent, try "Mr. God, This is Anna" by Fynn. It rivals Anne Franks diary in its poignancy.

Rathish said...

Read the book just a couple of months back Ramya. You know all through the book, I felt guilty reading it because I am not sure if she wanted anyone to read her innermost secrets. The fact that she's dead doesn't give us the right to invade her privacy isn't it. But I am glad I read it because it's one of those books that changes your perspective towards life.

And as for,

"Was he so unhappy with us that he is making us live our unpredictable lives with the constant fear that what we cherish might become a mere memory?"

There was a time I cherished something I had and then I lost it and frankly, I was glad I ever had it and 'it' chose me over a trillion men in this world to be with at least for sometime and that's an amazing feeling!

Guess the comment's become too long :)

Sriram C S said...

Indeed life does end suddenly, but like Tagore says, does not every new-born child come to the earth with the message that God is still not tired or disappointed of humans? As far as the meaning of life, there is no point in trying to understand it or going some place to find it!! It must be realized here, now (even if the realization says the meaning is 42!! ;)).

RS said...

Mathangi: Thanks! And well put yourself! And will read the book by Fynn :)

Rathish: Exactly...you almost get to know Anne like a friend, someone close to you who would confide in you...you are right, there are a lot of things that we ought to be thankful for...we human beings often forget to do that, dont we ? :)

agnibarathi: Funny and sensible at the same time :)

I see you are a Douglas Adams fan too :)

Heidi Kris said...

neat one RS.. dropped here from Rams blog :)

vazhkaila sila vishayangaluku badhil theriyadha time la accept what comes in ur way.. may be u will get the answers to ur questions as the days passes.. few things which appears to be hurting and bad now.. might turn out to be a "thank God it happened" things..:) surf along with the tide..

Cheers
Sri

RS said...

heidi kris: thanks :)...true, sila kelvigalukku badil kidaiyadu, irundaalum ipo teriyadu... :)

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