March 03, 2007


Strange how people "connect". I watch k interact with his friends, lifelong buddies and wonder if they ever discuss anything seriously. To an outside viewing the interaction, all he picks up are cues that point to a superficial, "fun" group dynamics. I mean you don't have to greet each other formally and proclaim your everlasting bond, but at some point in your relationship, you should have discussed something with seriousness, perhaps something that makes you vulnerable, something you did not dare to discuss with anyone else or perhaps something like "Will she say yes?" :)...because that's the kind of talk that brings people closer together, right?

Maybe not. k tells me that's not how guys interact, at least not by discussing deeply personal stuff and being comfortable in the pregnant pauses, but by making fun of each other and hiding emotions behind verbal spars and "jolly" talks. He thinks I live in a world entrenched in drama, my friends (especially women) and I playing our roles to dramatic (uptight?) perfection. He does not mean to say that we are in any way superficial in our interactions or overplay our responses deliberately, just that we are by nature drama queens and kings. We discuss esoteric topics like parallel universes and some less esoteric ones like the meaning of life; we discuss feelings - "You hurt me by saying this", "In a few years, will we remain this close?"; we discuss the ubiquitous R2I confusions; we talk about friends that were once close to us - "He hardly calls anymore...", "No emails from her for the past six months :(" and at times, we indulge in idle talk, empty chatter and plain nonsense (ah! How I miss my Bitsian days).

You get the idea. That is my typical interaction with my friends. So, when I watch k talk to his friends, it's a very strange phenomenon (to me). They go to great lengths to make fun of each other, exchange some well-known "gaalis" then proceed to discuss and laugh about topics ranging from the incredible to the downright ridiculous. To understand this type of bonding, I once decided to join in on the "fun", I tried to keep up with the jokes and trivial talks and laugh and bond. But, I guess I tried too hard because I sounded silly to myself (you know the little voice in your head that talks to you simultaneously when you talk to others? Well, it said, "Ramya, you sound silly" and signed off). I guess it will take a few more iterations before I perfect the art of this style of friendship.

Because, hidden beneath the banal talks and jibes, I do sense a kind of bonding. Not the weak kind. But then k would say I am just dramatizing things.


IBH said...

ok! i guess that this is what they say the 'guy thing' :)

i have tried hard to understand Hubby dear when he is with is never possible!

so is chocolate-coated-taps working great?:)))

Anonymously yours said...



Looks like you are thinking too deep.

"Laugh and have fun" and you folks write such articles.

If guys Worry, crib and say things like " No emails from her for the past six months :(" etc., then 'some' girls would say:

I don't like guys who aren't confident. I hate guys who crib.

:( :( :(

Hee hee. Nice post but. Enjoyed it a lot.

Anonymously yours

Word Verification: mpmytgo

Male Pig Male You To Get Out

Anonymous said...

very nice post...simple thing but you have done a deep thiking...:-)

Chakra Sampath said...

Didn't they say 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus'? :)

Parth said...

Interesting point. Do you think men bond more easily than women do?

RS said...

ibh - lol, taps are doing great!

anon - I am not complaining, merely expressing curiosity :)

anon2 - :)

chakra - Its really time I read that book again! :)

parth - hmm, I think they bond differently from women. I can't imagine getting close to people just by discussing light topics with them. It's gotta be more err...involved (complicated?). I need to feel that aha moment with them - "That's exactly how I FEEL!" or "Thanks for sharing that thought with me" - whereas men bond more easily including sports, watching sports, drinking together?... :)

Gayatri said...

rs - I think I know what triggered this :)

Loga said...

I observed exactly the same when my hubby interacts with his friends. You have put it in writing very well!

RS said...

gayu - am sure you do ;)

loga - thanks :)

d said...

Hey... ANY girl would connect with this... I have myself gone through this thought process many times - trying to understand HOW guys connect (if at all they do!), trying to connect "their" way, and failed miserably!!

Wrapped up in words beautifully, as always:)

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