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June 27, 2008

The whole comparison business.

Whenever I talk to k about any given situation and say something like, "Similar to what she did when...", he immediately counters with "Don't compare". I am a reasonable lady and I normally would agree but then I wonder if this is just something that men automatically say to prevent "problems" for them, know what I mean?

It's like they (apologies for generalizing but then if I keep giving disclaimers for my thoughts, I would have more of a disclaimer summary and less of a coherent post!) want to avoid situations in the future where the wife would go, "Oh! But he did this for his wife when he came home late for dinner" or "He baked this double chocolate layer cake with their names spelled out in Monotype corsiva font with icing but you just fixed the tap for Valentine's day!" I wonder if men hate comparisons for this reason more than any logical trail of thoughts about how individuals react differently in different situations and it's not fair to compare and all that good stuff.

The other day, I asked k if he considered me a good cook and I made the mistake of beginning my question with, "Compared to other girls here..." and he went into auto-mode and said, "You can't compare". Uhh ok. So, if I were the only person in a given sample space cooking, I guess that would make me the best and worst cook there is since I can't compare. Which is kind of silly, if you think about it because any rating, ranking, position in society is somewhat based on comparison. I work as an engineer because compared to the other candidates, my employer thought I was better not because in a sample space of 1, I was better than another given sample space of 1 consisting of another candidate. I wouldn't even know how to compare those 2 sample spaces and in any case that renders my argument null and void because we are still comparing! k proposed to me (as in marriage proposal :p) because Gasp! He compared me with other girls!

So I am sort of confused with this whole comparison business. I remember reading articles on spirituality that claim comparison will only cause unhappiness but then that's how we function in a society...is this house better compared to the other houses in the neighborhood? Is this car being sold at a better price compared to n other cars? Is this blog better than the 10 other blogs I read today morning dealing exclusively in life's trivialities and such?

In conclusion, I arrive at no conclusion about comparing. I do have a thought about men and comparisons though. I bet they compare in their heads. All the time. They just don't verbalize it like women do so later on they can claim, "There you go comparing again!" with a lengthy sigh.

9 comments:

Parth said...

Comparisons are good when they work in your favor :-)

PH said...

What about comparison with self? I mean older self.

GG said...

hehehehe....good one!

Sriram said...

We (men) dislike comparing due to the simple reason that there is a big potential for trouble and unnecessary grudge with others. But for sure not from the philosophical side. Anyways, a nice ranting. For sure my wife will connect with the post.

The Doodler said...

I remember reading somewhere that more than comparisons themselves, it is what we derive/juge from those comparisons that are harmful.

"Ah, I am superior to him/her because I am better at ---- than them."

Those kinds of things..:)I guess one would have to have zero ego to not judge etc..

I agree with you about the difficulty of stopping comparisons..and also how men *might* do it but don't verbalize it..:)

uma kumar said...

hey...they do it
dont accept it
there is a joke abt it

" men want to marry only virgins bcos they dont like to be compared"
how is it/

RS said...

parth - :) True, true!

ph - I think k approves of that, it's only with others that he has a problem :)

gg - :)

sriram - A rant? Wait till I actually rant! :)

subha - Yeah, I guess it's in what we call "human nature" to do it...:)

uma - :p

A. Noname Moose said...

The other day, I asked k if he considered me a good cook ...

...

... I guess that would make me the best and worst cook there is


Maybe that was it.
Or maybe guys really don't care as long as everything works as we want it to. Food? Edible? Good. Car? Drives? Good. Wife? Cooks? Good... etc.

Now some of us might have a more "complicated" definition of "good", but I don't think we necessarily term it as "better".

So maybe it's just semantics. Or maybe Subha got it right...

*shrug*

RS said...

"...as long as everything works"...highly doubt it. I have seen guys with what we call 8 feet tongue - so very particular about how the food tastes! There is a serious semantic problem if they decide to term good food just "edible"...such is the fun of language, I guess.

Btw, you escaped with your comment about "wife that cooks - good", if certain women were to read that, let's just say your days won't be quite so pleasant ;)

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