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February 07, 2005

I demand my share of pure, glorious happiness. Actors in movies always get their share - at happy-movie endings and I demand mine too. In life, if you have spent a considerable amount of time struggling to achieve something, and when you finally get what you want, why is there no cry of triumph? no pangs of thrill? no cant-stop-grinning phases? Why is life such a big anti-climax? This anti-climax-letdown is a common occurrence in my life: at the end of a one week long night-out session for my Bits compres, I would return back to my dorm after the exams, feeling....nothing. I would be tired, which is natural, I would be mildly interested in what I would do the next few free days, but was I exhilarated? No! Was not even bordering on grinning, leave alone exhilaration! A similar event today made me think - what is the point of my struggle if I cannot feel the satisfaction that I have achieved something? Does this mean what I was fighting for was not worth it or does it mean it was not important enough to affect my mood much or does it mean that I have moved on to other things that I want in life?

...whatever it is, its unfair and I want to make it fair. So, I have decided that, I will make a conscious effort to feel thrilled today; or atleast tomorrow; maybe if I want to feel thrilled, I eventually will feel thrilled.

1 comment:

Dinesh said...

Nice !! I am sure you'd have realized by now that it's not just you. It happens to everybody. It's happened to me more times than I would have liked. So many times, that I've started to expect it. On the contrary, I have experienced times where I was in blissful happiness for a good amount of time. I didn't ask for it. I didn't expect it. And those times were unbelievably good. I look at those times as a "make up" for those anti climactic emotions.

And you're right, a lot of times, a conscious effort to pump yourself up, will produce the desired results. But go in, with no expectations.

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