Apppy...

That's how r~ says "Happy" when the "Happy Birthday" song plays on TV. When I turned 30, I acted like the typical drama queen -- resisting, reminiscing, wondering how this chunk of my life would turn out. But the big three-oh turned out to be fine mostly and in addition to a little love bundle in my arms, I managed to get a book out there. Check, check (as Monica would say). And now, I am at that crossroads again wondering what this year will bring. A published novel would be nice. It would be reaaallly nice. And then I would be one of those cool moms who could claim that they took care of their baby while working from home on something they were passionate about. But, I am not that mom now. I am just a mom who is turning a year older who is dreaming big dreams while her little one continues to throw delightful little challenges her way and melt her heart with her love (I could talk a lot more about r~ but I'll reserve that for my secret mommy blog ;)

One of these years, I am going to approach a birthday thinking Ok, I am there. This is where I wanted to be and this is where I am. 35. Yup, that sounds about right. 35 is going to be the year when I am going to breathe a sigh of peace and just be.

Anyway for now, k has threatened to buy me a complicated piece of technology for my birthday.

"But, I don't want that whatever-you-call-it. I want you to find a publisher."

"You didn't give me anything expensive for Valentines day..." (k attempts to imitate the inverted sad "U" that r~ makes with her mouth), "Just this, this...."

He is staring at the card that r~ and I made for him. It's a print of her hand with three little hearts drawn on it.

"Don't say the wrong thing..."

"This...priceless card." And then he seems lost for words.

Yup, can't go wrong when baby helps make a card for dear husband :)

"Anyway", he continues, "This will help you get there..." (now pointing to the amazon page touting the product).

"I don't want that thingamajigi. It will make me feel more guilty for having spent money towards writing and not succeeding. Why can't you find a publisher for me?"

"'Coz that's hard. Almost impossible."

Retracts statement quickly after catching my expression, "Well, not impossible. But very very hard...umm...somewhat hard? Look, why don't you check out what I am buying for you?"

Still sulking, "Other husbands support their wives' dreams."

But by now, I have lost him. He is excitedly reading about the thingie that he is going to buy that can convert my voice to text.

Oh well, at least I have a ring now.

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Spark!

A few of my friends from Bits came up with this creative venture -- Spark! It's a fun literary magazine and I am amazed at how good the layout looks -- very catchy and colorful!

This month, I am "writer of the month" -- so thrilled! Do read my article on love (What else?) and of course the rest of the magazine -- it's one hell of a romantic journey!

Take me to Spark!

Also, been messing with my blog layout in an attempt to make it look not so ancient but in the process lost my blog-roll :( If you happen to remember being on this page, please do let me know, I really do want you here!

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100 stories for Haiti

If you love to write and want to help for a good cause, do check out 100 stories for Haiti, the deadline is January 27. My entry went in today.

All the proceeds from the e-book sales goes towards the Red Cross. For more details and where to buy the book, see 100 stories for Haiti

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Ze book -- it iz out!

What?

Wrote a book.

Huh?

Collection of short stories. You might have read some of them @ wr.

Where?

Available @ CreateSpace & Amazon

So?

Err...if you happen to buy it and read it, please do send feedback or better still, leave feedback on the amazon page (even if you don't plan to buy the book but have read some of my short stories).

What else?

Let your friends know!

What's in it for me?

Oh boy! Trick question. Let's see -- hopefully a couple of hours of reading entertainment and lots of good vibrations from me accompanied by "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..."

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Plagiarism.

So, a little bird told me that my writing here is being copied elsewhere. My my! How flattering! I am sooo touched, I tell you.

Here is the copied version: http://svraman24.wordpress.com/page/4/

And here is my original post: Karadayan Nombu

Of course, if the plagiarist (is that a word?) is smart enough, (s)he? would have removed the post by now.

Oh! Wait a minute...here's one more of my posts:

http://svraman24.wordpress.com/2008/08/19/heaven-hell-love-hate-in-a-relationship/

Here's another:

http://svraman24.wordpress.com/2008/05/22/becoming-jane/

And another:

http://svraman24.wordpress.com/2008/04/03/a-good-fight/

This one boils my blood a lil' bit because it is one of my short stories:

http://svraman24.wordpress.com/2008/03/05/the-prophecy/

This is one of the reasons I have removed most of my short stories from my other blog...

Anyhoo, just thought it was (so not) amusing!

Wonder how you report a word press blog...thoughts?

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Becoming Jane.

Image copied from http://video.movies.go.com/becomingjane/

Only skillful storytellers can capture chemistry on paper or on the screen, and after a long time, I saw a movie that had moments that defined what chemistry was all about. By chemistry I mean hidden messages, silent consents, deep glances and sparks that fill the space between a man and a woman. And if I had to pick a moment that said it all, it was when Jane Austen searches for Tom Lefroy at the their last ball - anxious moments when her eyes skip from one person to another, registering and still not registering their greetings and a disappointing acceptance of his absence when she starts dancing - beautifully captured. And the moment the music begins and she begins to dance, he appears as if by magic, in step with her movements, a mischievous smile lighting his mouth, as if to say, "I saw you searching for me!"

And then on it's a game played with glances, blushes and question marks. They stare at each other even as they mechanically move through the steps with their partners, until it is obvious to all what they might be silently communicating with each other.

Even the scene after the dance when Tom compliments her dance, "You dance with passion", a whisper towards her as he stands behind her leaves an impact; it's as if she can feel his presence inches behind her and yet cannot bring herself to look at him...

And there is the whole element of romance associated with writing itself. And what can speak of it better than the life of a writer in love? Perhaps she derived the inspiration for her masterpieces from her life...

Sigh. It's for moments like these that I watch movies. For bringing to life the magic in beautiful words and powerful silences.

Becoming Jane is a movie for romantics.

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About being grownup and some random questions.

Since it's Friday, am allowed to post random thoughts in this space and have the audacity to call it a post.

• My first random thought is about growing up. Is there a cut-off age when we are supposed to consider ourselves all grown up? The reason I ask is, I certainly don't feel grown up. An uncle I know, who is 42, seemed offended when one of my friends called him "Uncle", my friend is 24 years old. A couple of 50-something-maamis in Lexington did not approve of "aunty". So, really besides the 60-something people (what are they called?), septuagenarians and octogenarians does anyone really want to be considered a grown-up? The other day, I went to a puja at a maami's place. After the puja, I talked a bit to the teenagers there (because some of them were dancing with me for a cultural show - remember I told you, Lex desis are getting all spruced up for Dr.Kalam's visit?), and then I talked to an American Indian 20-something girl and then turned to all the 40 something maamis with the intent of making similar excited conversation. I talked to the maami who invited me and then clung to her like a kid! I really did not know what to say to the other maamis! I actually felt a bit intimidated. The experience was all very strange. k told me that was all cool, "It just means you can totally relate to your kids, won't that be cool?" Hmm, yes. But when does a girl make a transition to maamihood? At 30? After a kid? Would be nice if all of us get one of those notices saying "You are all grown up now lady. So suck it up and act like an adult!"

• Next random question - do you guys know how to make a blog "by invitation only" but at the same time allow people to request readership? I am getting bored of editing my short story blog everytime I submit a story to a magazine (it's that nice image on the right-hand side in case you haven't noticed - don't tell me that, I'll be heart-broken - just click it :-). I have to save the story as draft because I don't really know what the publishers mean when they say, "Can you confirm that your story is not published anywhere else?" Sometimes they specify "online". So anyway, I made my short-story blog "by invitation" only, but I fear my small subset of readers will quickly exit if I provide such major incentives to not read what I dish out. So...any suggestions? How can I restrict membership dynamically? Oh and please do let me know if you want me to add your email id to the reader list. Muchos gracias!
  

• My third question - I want to self-publish a book about my "going green" obsessions. I am working on a website currently. But the thing is, if I publish through amazon, then I have to pay them 75% of the cost of the book, I can't even set the price of the book less than $8 or I make a loss! I checked out lulu.com and a few others but I guess that's the price you pay to buy "presence"! Any smart ideas?

• Almost forgot! Today is Karadayan Nombu. Going to try sweet adai and delight the better half (So annoying when he doesn't get delighted enough :p). Wish me luck!
  

Ok, that's that for now. Me off to lunch soon. Tada.

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Tag! You're it!

Tagging is this quirky thing that we bloggers do, isn't it? Now, why did I feel compelled to say that? Firstly, it makes us feel like we belong to this neat clique - we blog! Yeah! That sorta thing. Secondly, it sounds techy and cool, not as much as it used to but still it falls somewhere in the category of Web 2.0, wisdom of the crowds, folksonomy and all that.

I find tagging pretty challenging though. Sometimes tags rock, they are just what you wanted to say in your blog but didn't want to sound too conceited and self-involved; enter tags and you have a legitimate and humble reason to ramble on about yourself, not that am against rambling, oh no, that's what keeps the women-folk and some men-folk sane at times! But then, there are times when the tags are just lame. Then, I am not really sure what to do. I have to answer the tag for the aforementioned reasons that bloggers are cool and all that but then I just don't want to. And the sticky point there is, I have to tag 28 more people and make them experience the same discomfort!

Anyway, this tag by dear a~ was different in the sense, it was an entertaining brag-a-tag :p

The rules of the tag are: Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given (family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like). Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better.

I mean, come on! Who doesn't like to quote from their blog posts? (No, that's ok, don't bother nodding yes, the question was not meant for you :) So, I thought I would stumble upon precious memories, notes from self that would change my life, brilliant observations and such from my previous blog posts. Oh well, at least I had fun while I thought those thoughts believing them to be true!

The easy bit first, I tag:

* bus (mainly because he hardly says anything even semi-personal on his blog and hasn't written for a while!
* k - in a desperate attempt to revive his blog, which is taking its last few breaths...

Family:
Not a thought-provoking bit of prose or anything but at least it's funny!

Lost in translation

Friends:
My all time favorite. I guess I can say that (since nobody else will :p)

Harmony in disharmony

Yourself:
In a rare moment of honesty, I penned down some thoughts about myself...

Scribble, scribble...

Your love:
I could say something lofty or meaningful like I love dancing and I love to write, my life is meaningless without...but (am not really in that mood and...) nothing beats writing about the balancing dance we call marriage, a post about my love, clueless and lovable, as he always has been (Gosh! That's gotta be the sappiest thing I ever said on this blog, so not me!)

Did I do something wrong?!

Anything you like:
To dance, to write and to be merry :)

Shades of her.

Gosh! That almost felt like the oscars announcement to me. Such excitement and talk about RS!

Umm, apologies for the same.

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My christmas gift to myself!

Got mahself zis new pen!, would hardly do justice to it unless I put it to paper and so...

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Can this be any more random?!

It's one of those days - dark, wet and muggy, the kind of day that Voldemort would probably choose to make an appearance. But, today is also the kind of day that can inspire a tragic short story to come to life - I can see it already - it would have all the elements of a compelling love story and just when the reader is silently praying that the lovers unite, an unexpected twist...umm, also torrential rains, add a few strikes of lightening to that! And in the end, not one of those sordid unexplained accidents or deaths, this would be realistic - a tragedy unexpected but real, like the tears that would fall from every pair of eyes that read the tale! Ah...if only I could weave such a colorful tale!

On second thoughts, I'll pass. Way too much effort on a day like this howmuchever it might attempt to inspire. Ever notice how some parts of our lives are favorites for story tellers? Like train journeys, haunted houses, village feuds, broken marriages, affairs...no one ever writes short stories about software engineers and computers, doctors yes, engineers...naah. I asked an oncologist who happens to be in my dance class if ER, House, Scrubs are realistic or way exaggerated to make for interesting viewing and she said, parts of it are real, the trauma, patients and injuries and the fantastic love stories and affairs that go with it are pretty much what do you call it....masala :) Come to think of it, there is one movie made about us folks, Office Space! When I saw it several years back, I couldn't relate much to it, I need to watch it again to see if experience in this field has changed my perspective enough for me to crack up (like my colleagues do) while watching the movie.

Since I have come this far with my random jumble of thoughts, I might as well add another unrelated insight. Is it just me or are Indian American teenage+ girls super funny? I mean, in a nice way. Somehow I don't remember Indian girls in their teens and early twenties being so light-hearted and seriously funny! Or perhaps, this is still a culture that is different from my own and like anything new, it attracts and flaunts its positives initially. The girls who learn dancing with me somehow comment on the most random things and make the sort of observations that I would have never imagined - like Chandler (in F.R.I.E.N.D.S) does - and I often end up...giggling with them. Last class, we were umm...."disciplined" by our teacher,

"Girls, really! Who started this giggling session?!"

Long pause.

I hesistantly reply, "Aalll of us" - notice the stress on the "All"? All my rusty school-time defenses rose to the rescue :p

"Ok, at least that's the right answer. So anyway, concentrate now!"

Woohoo - escape!

There's this other medical student in class who loves to give me a hard time,

"Are we going to be wearing this costume for Sunday?"

"Jeeez! Ramya, you get a D grade in dance and in costumes too!"

And the other time my teacher gave me her old pair of salangai, she says, "What now, you are like her favorite student or something?!"

And so I said, "In any case, you rock, you are the most advanced student in this class! AS for short, so I'll call you ASSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

*giggles* Apologies but you see this is what cultural shock does to you!

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Andal - a composition.

Ages ago, s~ and a~ decided to get creative and I decided to piggyback on the brainstorming process in the hope that some of the good stuff gets into my grey cells also and the result follows:

s~ wrote:

kOdhai avaL, pEdhai avaL,
thenkiLai rAdhai avaL;
soodi koduththAL avaL, nAdi thudiththAL avaL,
ranganai koodi mudiththAL aval.

rs~ wrote:

Daughter of the earth, infatuated so,
O, Radhai of the South,
who touched and sanctified,
pined in impassioned anticipation,
and became one with Rangan!

a~ sang!

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My muse.

There was a time, not long ago, when words would flow gently, uninterrupted, from my thoughts to my hands, when rain or shine neither interrupted nor distracted my earnest attempts to string them into sentences...what happened to those words now? Why do they hide in the dark at the smallest pretext - a passing cloud in the sky, a passing phase in my life...?

Nary a phrase nor a word,
Not a sound echoes in all the silence.
Where lies my muse?
Where hides the thrill that perfect words bring?
Who imprisons the epithets that colored my lines?
What of the delightful train of lyrical phrases and melodious clauses,
that chimed along, in tune with me?
Oh, how you dwell in darkness!
Perhaps the whimsical winds, the capricious clouds,
the showers that alight without a call are to blame?
Perhaps, you shy away from the colors of nature?
Did they not embellish your presence once,
why then do you shy away now?
What use is your silhouette when I seek to limn a portrait?
If I seek thee on a bright and sunny morning,
my muse, would you care to return to me?

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Similarly crazy!

You know the moment when you know you have connected with someone? That moment changes everything. You go from listening to empathizing. It can happen in the middle of a conversation or out of the blue and you have the "Aha" moment, the moment when you know exactly what the other person is talking about. I can never truly understand what you feel because I am intimately familiar with my thoughts, I hear them in my head and I know exactly how I feel. But, when you talk, I hear the words, translate them in my head and try to make sense of them. Sometimes, I don't do such a good job of translating them and they don't make sense to me (courtesy - Stumbling on happiness). But in spite of being two different people, there are moments such as these when we almost think as one. I call it, being "similarly crazy". Because at some level, we all are crazy but being crazy together? That experience is something special.

Philosophy aside, I managed two stories in a row! Some wise person once said (Was it me? I can't remember but it always sounds authentic when you begin a sentence with "Some wise person once said..." :p ) "If you want to do a better job of writing, do it everyday. Write. Write. Write. It may sound like gibberish to you initially, but it gets better." So, that's what I do. Gibberish or not. I write because I have to. And I want to.

I titled my short story, "Rayin Snegam" (Rayil = train, Snegam = love, affection, friendship...). I couldn't find an equivalent in English. I began the story with an intent to try something different - use many short sentences instead of awkwardly long sentences. But half-way through, I forgot all about the short sentences and followed where the story took me, a mish-mash of thoughts from the books I have been reading recently (Stumbling on... and Maximum city), the ever-present nostalgia that all NRIs deal with and how life changes in a moment - the regular stuff :p

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