Gloom and doom lately -- First the news about Steve Jobs and now Jagjit Singh. Even the weather seems on the duller side.
Wishing for peace and good news...
Wishing for peace and good news...
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
October 10, 2011
September 28, 2011
On architecting...life
I am a planner. I plan parties, get-togethers, gifts and just about everything and put in a lot of energy and time into it. I like doing that. I liked planning and preparing for the arangetram, the job change, the city change...the life change. But sometimes, I feel like I should take a break and just experience life the way it is. Without the looking ahead and the constant churning to shape the future course of events.
K often points out that even before he has completed a chore, I am on to the next one, planning what needs to be completed next. And he is right. I am uncomfortable being complacent. I understand complacency is different from being at peace and I can do the latter without bringing in stagnation in my life. But, I find it hard to draw a line between the two. Sometimes, I have to consciously tell myself to enjoy this moment, this point in space that I am at, that I seemingly architected but probably had more to do with powers higher than me and words difficult to comprehend like destiny and the universe. But, I like to think I had something to do with it because it makes me feel a little bit more secure in this world of uncertainties.
I have no idea what tomorrow will bring but I can pretend to choreograph a part of it to my liking because well, that is all I can do. If that pretense of control leaves my hand, then I am vulnerable and I don't necessarily want that realization dawning bright and clear on me -- as long as it's somewhere in the back of my mind, that's fine and I can continue to plan and architect my life. In little ways that are important to me. Now, if only I can add the taking-a-few-minutes-to-smell-the-flowers bit...
K often points out that even before he has completed a chore, I am on to the next one, planning what needs to be completed next. And he is right. I am uncomfortable being complacent. I understand complacency is different from being at peace and I can do the latter without bringing in stagnation in my life. But, I find it hard to draw a line between the two. Sometimes, I have to consciously tell myself to enjoy this moment, this point in space that I am at, that I seemingly architected but probably had more to do with powers higher than me and words difficult to comprehend like destiny and the universe. But, I like to think I had something to do with it because it makes me feel a little bit more secure in this world of uncertainties.
I have no idea what tomorrow will bring but I can pretend to choreograph a part of it to my liking because well, that is all I can do. If that pretense of control leaves my hand, then I am vulnerable and I don't necessarily want that realization dawning bright and clear on me -- as long as it's somewhere in the back of my mind, that's fine and I can continue to plan and architect my life. In little ways that are important to me. Now, if only I can add the taking-a-few-minutes-to-smell-the-flowers bit...
August 30, 2011
On long weekends.
If you are in the US, you know that long weekends are a big deal. An extra holiday means a lot to 9-to-5ers. People start talking about it right at the beginning of the work week and conversations always include questions on "the long weekend plan". The plan, that's the next big deal. If you know me well, you also know that I love to plan -- for today, for tomorrow, for the next 5 years, for myself, for k, for r and so on. So, that's 2 things that I like -- an extra holiday and planning. Somehow, add it together and it doesn't always get me as excited as one would logically assume it would.
After more than a decade here, I am always a little bit apprehensive about long weekend planning. Do we drive 6 hours (Arrrrrrg!) and spend loads of money to get super tired at some nerve-wracking amusement park with scary rides? Or we can drive 7 hours (Arrrrrrrrrg!) and get even more tired after a day spent trekking and camping. Now, truth be told, I haven't done much of either and it's not that I am not a nature-type-of-girl (I guess I am not) but when I have a precious extra day, I don't want to plan business into it. I want to plan nothing for that day. Actually I'd rather "not plan" because in this day and age, "plan to do nothing" has its own connotations like no-technology, no-TV and more such nos that we impose on our selves to prove that we can be happier by taking fun stuff out of our lives -- its all about not being dependent, including being dependent on being happy, if that makes sense.
So usually, I feel a sense of being in a race when the long weekend approaches -- like I am lagging behind if all I want to do is sit at home and do nothing (which actually amounts to quite a bit if you have a 2 year old, so, you might as well head out, but that's another story) . For me, doing nothing is fun. Sure, traveling the world sounds like a great eat-pray-love kind of thing to do but usually am not in the mind frame for that! Sometimes, I just want to organize my house more, sometimes, I just want to watch a movie or act silly with r or my favorite (you know, do nothing) which gets like a C rating if say, traveling the world is A+. Add to this the fact that k is a traveling-the-world kind of guy and you can literally see me wishing the extra day away but for the fact that the day has so much potential :p
On a related note, I wonder why long weekends were never such a big deal (or come to think of it, even a deal) in India? Is that because we had many other exciting holidays to look forward to which weren't termed long weekend but in essence and were actually significant for a lot more reasons than just an extra day off? Or was it because I never had to work in India and hence have no recollection of workdays and time off work?
So go on, ask me. I don't have a plan for the long weekend. No, I won't drive. No, I don't want to walk 3 miles and climb 2 miles to see the most breathtaking waterfall there ever is in this universe. No, I don't want to not check FB and twitter (am sure there will be a day when I will impose these rules on my family, this weekend is not it!) I just want my extra day to be just that -- a sweet 24 hours where I don't have to do anything or nothing. I can be in the land of the peaches and the onions and smell the roses or not. Maybe I will open an account at our local library and check a to do or maybe we will continue watching 180 (which seems like a good Tamil movie so far). Or not.
(I guess I just need a break after the interviews and the arangetram and the move and the new job but I stand by what I said -- no long weekend plans! There, I said it.).
After more than a decade here, I am always a little bit apprehensive about long weekend planning. Do we drive 6 hours (Arrrrrrg!) and spend loads of money to get super tired at some nerve-wracking amusement park with scary rides? Or we can drive 7 hours (Arrrrrrrrrg!) and get even more tired after a day spent trekking and camping. Now, truth be told, I haven't done much of either and it's not that I am not a nature-type-of-girl (I guess I am not) but when I have a precious extra day, I don't want to plan business into it. I want to plan nothing for that day. Actually I'd rather "not plan" because in this day and age, "plan to do nothing" has its own connotations like no-technology, no-TV and more such nos that we impose on our selves to prove that we can be happier by taking fun stuff out of our lives -- its all about not being dependent, including being dependent on being happy, if that makes sense.
So usually, I feel a sense of being in a race when the long weekend approaches -- like I am lagging behind if all I want to do is sit at home and do nothing (which actually amounts to quite a bit if you have a 2 year old, so, you might as well head out, but that's another story) . For me, doing nothing is fun. Sure, traveling the world sounds like a great eat-pray-love kind of thing to do but usually am not in the mind frame for that! Sometimes, I just want to organize my house more, sometimes, I just want to watch a movie or act silly with r or my favorite (you know, do nothing) which gets like a C rating if say, traveling the world is A+. Add to this the fact that k is a traveling-the-world kind of guy and you can literally see me wishing the extra day away but for the fact that the day has so much potential :p
On a related note, I wonder why long weekends were never such a big deal (or come to think of it, even a deal) in India? Is that because we had many other exciting holidays to look forward to which weren't termed long weekend but in essence and were actually significant for a lot more reasons than just an extra day off? Or was it because I never had to work in India and hence have no recollection of workdays and time off work?
So go on, ask me. I don't have a plan for the long weekend. No, I won't drive. No, I don't want to walk 3 miles and climb 2 miles to see the most breathtaking waterfall there ever is in this universe. No, I don't want to not check FB and twitter (am sure there will be a day when I will impose these rules on my family, this weekend is not it!) I just want my extra day to be just that -- a sweet 24 hours where I don't have to do anything or nothing. I can be in the land of the peaches and the onions and smell the roses or not. Maybe I will open an account at our local library and check a to do or maybe we will continue watching 180 (which seems like a good Tamil movie so far). Or not.
(I guess I just need a break after the interviews and the arangetram and the move and the new job but I stand by what I said -- no long weekend plans! There, I said it.).
March 22, 2010
Life skills and a story.
Everyone complains that the current schooling system is outdated -- large volumes of information that we are forced to read although we are not interested in it and we probably will end up forgetting most of it by the end of the year anyway to name a few. L~ sent me a link about a couple of kids who were home schooled in a pretty unconventional way by their parents -- they were just encouraged to read about their interests and they ended up scoring more in their SATs than most traditionally schooled kids. That's an interesting experiment, one that I would probably be too chicken to try on r~ but nice to know.
Anyway, one skill that they did not teach me at school is life skills! Duh, that's what you learn by living, you say? Well yes but a little help along the way would have gone a long way. Recently, I noticed that I was not very equipped with dealing with difficult situations at Tachibana (of all places!) So, we had gone there to send off a friend who was quitting work to establish her own business (so cool!) and as expected most of the items on the menu were not vegetarian which was a bit awkward for me and s~. So, here we are sitting around this round table, 15-20 of us from work and we are trying to ask the waiter if x was meat-free, the sauce was meat-free and also trying to make ourselves understood. By the end of it, I was slightly turning pink and wondering if I was creating a scene. Just then, k~ turns to s~ and me and says, "You might want to make sure the rice is not rolled in pork sauce" and he laughed when he caught our eyes popping out. The joke put me at ease and then I forgot all about the awkwardness.
The other time, another coworker had posted a Facebook status update about a difficult time his family was going through and how they had managed to pull through -- the entire story was published in a local newspaper and he had posted a link to the article. I went through a series of emotions -- empathy, sympathy, sadness, guilt (don't ask)...and then left a "Happy for you...blah" -- one of those standard, trademark responses. And then I read a comment left by another of my coworkers, something along the lines of "Neat stuff...the article didn't mention that you continue to be a healthy, robust young man...(something about his volleyball skills)" and it made me laugh. Here it was again -- a light-hearted comment for a heavy situation that worked!
And I was thinking, where do they pick these skills from? This ability to joke in the face of adversity, awkwardness and this ability to dispel an embarrassing/sad situation and inject smiles into it? So anyway, that's the kind of education I wish I had received. Perhaps, it's the American schooling system; while it has its drawbacks, maybe it teaches what Indian schools fail to teach? Maybe one day, I'll watch r~ interact in a formal crowd and learn from her ;)
For now, here's something I do know to do (or I claim to know to do :): a 3 minute short story based on a photo.
(Woohoo! 100 fans on my facebook page!)
Anyway, one skill that they did not teach me at school is life skills! Duh, that's what you learn by living, you say? Well yes but a little help along the way would have gone a long way. Recently, I noticed that I was not very equipped with dealing with difficult situations at Tachibana (of all places!) So, we had gone there to send off a friend who was quitting work to establish her own business (so cool!) and as expected most of the items on the menu were not vegetarian which was a bit awkward for me and s~. So, here we are sitting around this round table, 15-20 of us from work and we are trying to ask the waiter if x was meat-free, the sauce was meat-free and also trying to make ourselves understood. By the end of it, I was slightly turning pink and wondering if I was creating a scene. Just then, k~ turns to s~ and me and says, "You might want to make sure the rice is not rolled in pork sauce" and he laughed when he caught our eyes popping out. The joke put me at ease and then I forgot all about the awkwardness.
The other time, another coworker had posted a Facebook status update about a difficult time his family was going through and how they had managed to pull through -- the entire story was published in a local newspaper and he had posted a link to the article. I went through a series of emotions -- empathy, sympathy, sadness, guilt (don't ask)...and then left a "Happy for you...blah" -- one of those standard, trademark responses. And then I read a comment left by another of my coworkers, something along the lines of "Neat stuff...the article didn't mention that you continue to be a healthy, robust young man...(something about his volleyball skills)" and it made me laugh. Here it was again -- a light-hearted comment for a heavy situation that worked!
And I was thinking, where do they pick these skills from? This ability to joke in the face of adversity, awkwardness and this ability to dispel an embarrassing/sad situation and inject smiles into it? So anyway, that's the kind of education I wish I had received. Perhaps, it's the American schooling system; while it has its drawbacks, maybe it teaches what Indian schools fail to teach? Maybe one day, I'll watch r~ interact in a formal crowd and learn from her ;)
For now, here's something I do know to do (or I claim to know to do :): a 3 minute short story based on a photo.
(Woohoo! 100 fans on my facebook page!)
April 03, 2009
Work family balance -- hah!
As you can tell, am back to work part-time. They even have a PT community at work which is strange considering PT is not a very promising career path nowadays, they tell me. There is always one high-visibility meeting that you will miss irrespective of which half of the day you choose to work. Oh well. At least I have a something called a career (outside home, that is), for now (touch wood).
So, an interesting incident happened today when I was @ work from home. r~ was sleeping upstairs and I had this brilliant idea that I should attend the meeting using our home phone downstairs since the baby was upstairs. Which is all well and good except that the baby eats downstairs not in the bedroom. Now, how did I miss this piece of logic in my logical brain is beyond me. So, I logged into my telephone conference call while testing the client on my laptop and suddenly k's mom gets r~ down. r~ having just woken up is fussing. The poor thing has a bad viral infection and that doesn't add any joy either.
I am just a dummy in the meeting because I am just getting back to work after a loongish siesta for 6 months. Heh. So, I do what comes automatically to me. I fill a bowl quickly with whatever the baby has to eat and hand it to k's mom, chitchatting along the way. The brilliant idea here is that once that this little detail taken care of, k's mom will feed whatever r~ will accept (given her runny nose and cough) and I can meanwhile carry on with my meeting (almost) uninterrupted.
But, of course, we always forget the little things. I did not mute my phone. And s~ pings me and says, "Umm...you might want to mute your phone :)"
Ah! The mute feature. How convenient. How also very not smart of me to not use it.
k tells me, you know you can always use the room upstairs. Hmm...yup, I could have done that but then the six people who were busy sitting at their desks and diligently testing the code wouldn't have been introduced to my sweet daughter's melodious calls.
I get back on the phone and say, "Aah...(nice pause)...sorry if you hear r~ in the background...heh."
One soul patiently responds, "No problem!"
Yup. No problem as long as the mute feature works. I realized I am one of those people on the call that provides comic relief with a funny sound in their background that they didn't realize was getting through the call and then they go, "Oh...just a minute. Down Peter, down boy, down." And the dog whimpers and stops barking into the conference call :p
And that is the beginning of my series titled "Work-life-balance -- a collection of faux pas"
So, an interesting incident happened today when I was @ work from home. r~ was sleeping upstairs and I had this brilliant idea that I should attend the meeting using our home phone downstairs since the baby was upstairs. Which is all well and good except that the baby eats downstairs not in the bedroom. Now, how did I miss this piece of logic in my logical brain is beyond me. So, I logged into my telephone conference call while testing the client on my laptop and suddenly k's mom gets r~ down. r~ having just woken up is fussing. The poor thing has a bad viral infection and that doesn't add any joy either.
I am just a dummy in the meeting because I am just getting back to work after a loongish siesta for 6 months. Heh. So, I do what comes automatically to me. I fill a bowl quickly with whatever the baby has to eat and hand it to k's mom, chitchatting along the way. The brilliant idea here is that once that this little detail taken care of, k's mom will feed whatever r~ will accept (given her runny nose and cough) and I can meanwhile carry on with my meeting (almost) uninterrupted.
But, of course, we always forget the little things. I did not mute my phone. And s~ pings me and says, "Umm...you might want to mute your phone :)"
Ah! The mute feature. How convenient. How also very not smart of me to not use it.
k tells me, you know you can always use the room upstairs. Hmm...yup, I could have done that but then the six people who were busy sitting at their desks and diligently testing the code wouldn't have been introduced to my sweet daughter's melodious calls.
I get back on the phone and say, "Aah...(nice pause)...sorry if you hear r~ in the background...heh."
One soul patiently responds, "No problem!"
Yup. No problem as long as the mute feature works. I realized I am one of those people on the call that provides comic relief with a funny sound in their background that they didn't realize was getting through the call and then they go, "Oh...just a minute. Down Peter, down boy, down." And the dog whimpers and stops barking into the conference call :p
And that is the beginning of my series titled "Work-life-balance -- a collection of faux pas"
April 01, 2009
Being.
So, I thought the hardest thing was going through labor and having a baby. Am pretty sure I even read that labor is one of the most difficult of human pains to endure. Turns out that's true but it's just the beginning of the really unpredictable journey of motherhood.
I often tell k that when people tell me it's all in my head, it makes me mad because most times, I am not imagining things. What I am feeling is real. As my nurse practitioner put it, "Well honey, isn't everything in the head? Even pain is an emotion that is controlled by your head!" True. Lately, I have heard a bunch of truisms :p if I can call it that.
Like my yoga instructor, Toni, said, "Now take a moment...to enjoy the choice you have made." That struck a chord with me. The other thing she said was, "Ok so, what's the worst thing that can happen if I do this pose?" And then she goes on, "So, I end up looking like an idiot. Which is fine. It's ok to do that sometimes." Yup. It is ok. Life does not give you a chance to be perfect at all times. So, if I looked like an idiot now and then, why not go with the flow and enjoy the chance to don a different character on? Enjoy the ride...as they say.
When people tell me they finally managed to..."achieve this", "do that", "complete this" -- action verbs that hide a lot of sweat and effort behind them -- my question to them is, "So, how do you feel?", "You must be happy now!" and the reason I do that is also to remind myself that where I am in life -- my achievements, my experiences -- are a result of conscious choice and lot of hard work and I have earned the right to be happy when I can be instead of planning for the next milestone to overcome. I have a feeling I often miss the larger picture in life and then look back wistfully at a past experience while having missed the opportunity to enjoy it at its fullest when it actually transpired. I guess I inherited my dad's gene in this case -- to plan ahead. I remember all my childhood, my dad told me, "P l a n n i n g", "Pros and cons"...and the other day he tells me, "RS, I think you are just planning way too ahead of everything...just take it as it comes" -- this from the planner himself.
Sometimes Mostly, life is unpredictable and while some looking into the future is essential, I think just being and enjoying the experience is equally important. Maybe I should keep notes in my diary, "Wish I could...", "Waiting to..." and then look at it in the future and make a conscious effort to thrill in the small (and big) achievements of life. As Monica in friends would say, "Check!"
And...as Toni says, "Enjoy the choice you have made."
Like now. Not when r~ turns thirty! Oh! That reminds me. I was at b~ & p~'s place and we played with r~ and soon it was time to leave. p~ tells me we hardly got a chance to catch up, we can do that when they drop by our place. I tell her to drop by after 8 in the night so we stand a good chance that r~ is asleep so we can talk easily. p~ hesitates and tells me, "Umm...I want to play with r~, so I don't think I'll come after 8!"
I forget the main attraction nowadays is the little one. Duh.
I often tell k that when people tell me it's all in my head, it makes me mad because most times, I am not imagining things. What I am feeling is real. As my nurse practitioner put it, "Well honey, isn't everything in the head? Even pain is an emotion that is controlled by your head!" True. Lately, I have heard a bunch of truisms :p if I can call it that.
Like my yoga instructor, Toni, said, "Now take a moment...to enjoy the choice you have made." That struck a chord with me. The other thing she said was, "Ok so, what's the worst thing that can happen if I do this pose?" And then she goes on, "So, I end up looking like an idiot. Which is fine. It's ok to do that sometimes." Yup. It is ok. Life does not give you a chance to be perfect at all times. So, if I looked like an idiot now and then, why not go with the flow and enjoy the chance to don a different character on? Enjoy the ride...as they say.
When people tell me they finally managed to..."achieve this", "do that", "complete this" -- action verbs that hide a lot of sweat and effort behind them -- my question to them is, "So, how do you feel?", "You must be happy now!" and the reason I do that is also to remind myself that where I am in life -- my achievements, my experiences -- are a result of conscious choice and lot of hard work and I have earned the right to be happy when I can be instead of planning for the next milestone to overcome. I have a feeling I often miss the larger picture in life and then look back wistfully at a past experience while having missed the opportunity to enjoy it at its fullest when it actually transpired. I guess I inherited my dad's gene in this case -- to plan ahead. I remember all my childhood, my dad told me, "P l a n n i n g", "Pros and cons"...and the other day he tells me, "RS, I think you are just planning way too ahead of everything...just take it as it comes" -- this from the planner himself.
And...as Toni says, "Enjoy the choice you have made."
Like now. Not when r~ turns thirty! Oh! That reminds me. I was at b~ & p~'s place and we played with r~ and soon it was time to leave. p~ tells me we hardly got a chance to catch up, we can do that when they drop by our place. I tell her to drop by after 8 in the night so we stand a good chance that r~ is asleep so we can talk easily. p~ hesitates and tells me, "Umm...I want to play with r~, so I don't think I'll come after 8!"
I forget the main attraction nowadays is the little one. Duh.
February 06, 2009
2007 Dec - 2009 Feb
I haven't written anything substantial here or on pen and paper for a long time. I shamelessly blame it on the baby :)
For now, I want to write because I feel homesick and hopefully writing would help alleviate some of it. k's sis, p~ left today to India for good and that makes me homesick for 2 reasons - that she left and that she left to India for good, something that I have started thinking about the past few months.
I remember when p~ came to the US in Dec of 2007. She was so homesick, she cried most of the time she spent with us. k and I spent a week or so in Kansas and while we had a blast, she was not her usual enthusiastic self. I remember an incident at Buca-di-beppo at Kansas city. The waiter there entertained us with some jokes. I laughed and turned to look at p~, who was on the phone with people back home, crying! That image stuck in my mind.
And now, p~ has made so many friends at KU that she cried once again, this time because she was leaving her new friends in the US behind. And much to k's amusement, they are all Tam friends! She has seen more recent Tam movies than I have!
Seeing her leave made me realize that 2 years flew by in a jiffy. She is a different person for her experience; And me? I am not sure if I have changed much. I am still in Lex doing pretty much the same things I did back then. But for my chakarakatti and 15 extra pounds, I am pretty much the same. I felt bad that she had to leave her friends behind and go back to India but I also envied her that. That she had managed to make so many friends in so short a time - she has this air about her that makes you want to confide everything to her, and then wait for her response. Unselfish and un-selfcentered - not many people I know are like that.
I wonder if I would be able to leave everything behind and start a new life in India. What would I miss most about Lex? Hard to say now. k says we are some how bound to UK. I met him at the university, we settled down near it and by a strange twist of events, I even had my baby at UK, something that was not planned at all. Maybe he is right, maybe this is our destiny and we will remain bound to this place for life.
Who knows what the future can bring...
For now, I want to write because I feel homesick and hopefully writing would help alleviate some of it. k's sis, p~ left today to India for good and that makes me homesick for 2 reasons - that she left and that she left to India for good, something that I have started thinking about the past few months.
I remember when p~ came to the US in Dec of 2007. She was so homesick, she cried most of the time she spent with us. k and I spent a week or so in Kansas and while we had a blast, she was not her usual enthusiastic self. I remember an incident at Buca-di-beppo at Kansas city. The waiter there entertained us with some jokes. I laughed and turned to look at p~, who was on the phone with people back home, crying! That image stuck in my mind.
And now, p~ has made so many friends at KU that she cried once again, this time because she was leaving her new friends in the US behind. And much to k's amusement, they are all Tam friends! She has seen more recent Tam movies than I have!
Seeing her leave made me realize that 2 years flew by in a jiffy. She is a different person for her experience; And me? I am not sure if I have changed much. I am still in Lex doing pretty much the same things I did back then. But for my chakarakatti and 15 extra pounds, I am pretty much the same. I felt bad that she had to leave her friends behind and go back to India but I also envied her that. That she had managed to make so many friends in so short a time - she has this air about her that makes you want to confide everything to her, and then wait for her response. Unselfish and un-selfcentered - not many people I know are like that.
I wonder if I would be able to leave everything behind and start a new life in India. What would I miss most about Lex? Hard to say now. k says we are some how bound to UK. I met him at the university, we settled down near it and by a strange twist of events, I even had my baby at UK, something that was not planned at all. Maybe he is right, maybe this is our destiny and we will remain bound to this place for life.
Who knows what the future can bring...
May 02, 2008
Touchy-feely.
Today is glorious! I decided to work from home and nothing beats working in pjs with sunlight streaming into the room! Allergies notwithstanding, I opened the door wide open and let all the nice Spring-time pollen-laden air stream in! Today is the kind of day that makes you want to write a blog post full of small nothings!
Hmm...
Ok, now I really have nothing to say.
Ok, thought of something, I recently discovered that a good selection of Tamil movies is available on Netflix, not very recent ones but I can't complain since our local desi store does not carry any Tamil DVDs at all. Can't blame him since most folks here just download err...I mean find other ways to catch the latest Tamil movies. The next movie on my list is "Oru naal oru kanavu". Yes, I know I have a lot of catching up to do but in Lex, this is the best I can do. I really want to watch "Santhosh Subramaniam" and that Prakash Raj turned God movie and a bunch of others.
We also recently ordered a lot of ...stuff from Amazon. You know, am not really an amazon-netflix kind of person, meaning I like to visit the store (by store I mean a brick and mortar store), browse through selections (even if limited) and pick something by hand and pay for it. I swore I wouldn't let go of Blockbuster, our neighbourhood video store that we can walk to, until they charged me $4.50 for an old English movie, that sadly ended our relationship and marked the beginning of my affair with Netflix.
Still I haven't given up hope. I drive, sometimes walk to my local library and browse, yes browse through bookshelves and pick books out by hand, I still buy my groceries from a local coop store and I hope those experiences are here to stay. I can't imagine reading ebooks exclusively and ordering "fresh" vegetables from an online store! Remember how we shopped for vegetables in India? My mom would actually try breaking the ends of bright green ladies fingers, or turn the rich purple kathrikai (brinjal) round and round to make sure it had no marks on it, the aroma of fresh cilantro would tickle our noses until we naturally gravitated towards the store even if we had vegetables back home. Maybe, I don't break the ends of the okra here but I still relish the visual feast the arrangement of different colored vegetables provide! No sir, I claim, I will not be adding my good old vegetables to a cart anytime soon!
Your touchy-feely writer has spoken her bit!
Hmm...
Ok, now I really have nothing to say.
Ok, thought of something, I recently discovered that a good selection of Tamil movies is available on Netflix, not very recent ones but I can't complain since our local desi store does not carry any Tamil DVDs at all. Can't blame him since most folks here just download err...I mean find other ways to catch the latest Tamil movies. The next movie on my list is "Oru naal oru kanavu". Yes, I know I have a lot of catching up to do but in Lex, this is the best I can do. I really want to watch "Santhosh Subramaniam" and that Prakash Raj turned God movie and a bunch of others.
We also recently ordered a lot of ...stuff from Amazon. You know, am not really an amazon-netflix kind of person, meaning I like to visit the store (by store I mean a brick and mortar store), browse through selections (even if limited) and pick something by hand and pay for it. I swore I wouldn't let go of Blockbuster, our neighbourhood video store that we can walk to, until they charged me $4.50 for an old English movie, that sadly ended our relationship and marked the beginning of my affair with Netflix.
Still I haven't given up hope. I drive, sometimes walk to my local library and browse, yes browse through bookshelves and pick books out by hand, I still buy my groceries from a local coop store and I hope those experiences are here to stay. I can't imagine reading ebooks exclusively and ordering "fresh" vegetables from an online store! Remember how we shopped for vegetables in India? My mom would actually try breaking the ends of bright green ladies fingers, or turn the rich purple kathrikai (brinjal) round and round to make sure it had no marks on it, the aroma of fresh cilantro would tickle our noses until we naturally gravitated towards the store even if we had vegetables back home. Maybe, I don't break the ends of the okra here but I still relish the visual feast the arrangement of different colored vegetables provide! No sir, I claim, I will not be adding my good old vegetables to a cart anytime soon!
Your touchy-feely writer has spoken her bit!
March 07, 2008
Blue winter crib-fest, oh! and about being rich.
We are experiencing miserable weather. The kind that makes you want to break the damned alarm clock, pound it into a mush and go deeper into the comforter. I lead a pretty normal life, so I did none of those things, got up on the wrong side of the bed, got ready and came to work. So, I sat staring at my monitor, having finished checking my gmail, my blog comments, the daily dilbert cartoon, my horoscope for the day, witty saying by unknown famous person of the day, the first few links in reddit, headlines of the most read articles in the New York Times and then I wondered about right and wrong, good and bad and such thoughts that only a gloomy, wintery day like this could inspire.
I reached a few conclusions in life.
Any ideas? Let's see...(since I am in the mood for bulleted lists)
I reached a few conclusions in life.
- Oatmeal sucks. I know I claimed it was a super food to my mom, made her switch to oatmeal for breakfast and proudly declare that I eat oatmeal for breakfast to people who enquired about my breakfast - well, there are not really that many that enquire but I tell them all the same. But the dirty little secret that I am privy to is the fact that I completely, honestly HATE oatmeal. It tastes like nothing. And if you add a bunch of stuff to it to make it better, it only comes off tasting even more awful. And that is the truth.
- Tiffin time sucks next. You know, around 5 - 5.30 PM after you have driven home from work, that time. That time is what I miss most about India. No jasmine-like idlis with molagai podi, no hot crispy bread upma, no rava kesari, no hot chola with bread, no nothing. It's the same - toast and jam or on other days even chips and salsa and thank God, a cup of coffee or tea. I really wish I had better tiffin options. Yeah, you can stop giving me that look "Cook!", I just don't have the energy to cook anything remotely edible at the end of a long day! No, I don't want cold fruits and ready-made processed crap. I want hot food! Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is...
Any ideas? Let's see...(since I am in the mood for bulleted lists)
- I could write a novel like Rowling did, sitting in a cafe or was it a train and imagining super-fantastic characters,
- Or maybe I'll write one of those natural-living-green books but then I'd have to eat oatmeal everyday and not yummy crispy-creme donuts...
- I could work real hard and become rich, does that still work?
- I got it! I need a life event! I keep reading about life-changing events that umm...changed people's lives forever, again. I mean, Lisa Jewell, my new favorite author, got kicked off her job, that was a life event. And then her friend challenged her to write the first three chapters of her novel, she did, sent it to ten publishers and forgot about it. And one of them called back! And she became a famous author. Like that. But, I really would not like to be fired. I like my job (All the people I know say that, I guess it's a sorta ego thing, maybe you don't want the other person thinking "Poor old so and so, look at her stuck with her job", or maybe they really like their jobs, I mean, I can't complain about my job - I fought with my dad to switch from Bio to CompSci. Except some days I think, "What am I doing stuck in a little cubicle with my hands freezing in spite of the wristies when the sun is shining golden bright outside and so on...you get my point?).
February 19, 2008
My life and associated trivialities.
Books...
I had a delicious three days off! For matrimonial purposes, Queen of dreams and Shopaholic & baby, what more could a girl ask for?! k has taken to giving me these really strange looks whenever I tell him that I finished a novel in a day; I bet, one of jealousy and associated evil thoughts! Just to prove a point, he finished Man, woman and child in a day, for the second time. But he doesn't know that (that it was his second time) 'coz he doesn't have the sort of memory that is needed to recollect and realize that a movie/book has already been viewed/read. In a way, that's pretty cool, I mean, delightful books will always remain delightful and surprising till the end. You can watch the same old Friends and Reba re-runs and laugh each time Chandler/Van says something funny. I laugh anyway but the fact that I already know the joke and the first laugh is over takes away some of the fun out of it.
Directions and dreams...
While I wouldn't care for that kind of selective memory loss, I suppose I suffer from one of those memory losses anyway - the inability to remember roads/directions and by extension any attributes associated with what we call, "Local Geography". I mean, I really do make an effort. I watch pretty carefully when k drives to weird places but I just can't get the map to stay put in my head! But 10, I believe, is the magic number. If I have driven to a place ten times, that'll do the trick! Gaaah, I wish I could have my own limo and driver; Ok fine, a good car and a driver, like in India (minus the traffic jams and stuff). So cool. Day dreaming is fun. Actually, I might as well wish for a nice desi canteen, actually any canteen that serves veggie food also (just anything hot) at our work place, one of the disadvantages of working in a small university town is that the office is not considered big enough to have all those sweet things other bigger offices get - on campus gym, day care, multi-cuisine canteens - like in MSFT, God! I envy them! Imagine hot samosas with tangy chutney and a hot cuppa coffee at tea time!
Cooking and cuisine...
The past long weekend, I also had a chance to ruminate on my cooking skills. I used to like to cook and experiment, especially experiment and try mixing spices and strange ingredients to known dishes just to see what it would morph into it. Umm, ok so that doesn't sound so appetizing, but it's real fun, you should try it sometime. Add cashews to cabbage curry or cinnamon to your rasam and also remember to establish the well known rule of woman empowerment - "No complaints at the dining table about fresh food that is cooked that day" - I guess, it's kind of ok to complain about left overs, somehow that's not as bad as spending a good chunk of time toiling and sweating in the kitchen (more like 30-40 mins tossing stuff while on the phone but still...) and then having the guinea...I mean person sitting in front of you tell you, "I think the coconut did not get crushed fully...". So anyway, I don't know what happened, but after the preG visit (Duh! Keep up, willya?), I have lost the fascination I used to have for cooking. As a result we have been frequenting just about any restaurant in and around the Lex area...just in case you are too, here are a few tips:
** Vindaloo is not one of the dishes you should try out at Tandoor
** Green curry used to and still rocks at Bangkok house
** Drunken noodles might have fish sauce or not, am never able to figure that out at Iching, get a different waiter each time! Lo Mein is a safer option if you are a vegetarian.
** One restaurant, I won't mention which, served us nice, juicy melted plastic with out vegetable patia (Oops! Didn't mean to give it away...) and when we pointed it out, we were served four hot gulab jamoons with a heavy dose of apologies. Oh well, I suppose all that hot jaggery sauce will melt the plastic, no harm done.
** I like dahi wada in Curry house...hmm, but I also like it everywhere else :p
** If you order carry out for less than five bucks at Masala, take cash with you! There was this one time when k and I were starving and ordered samosas and realized we didn't have cash! We could have asked that guy to make it a non-carry out but then that's just plain awkward.
** Still haven't come across anything yummier than Ravioli de portabello at Olive Garden. Their salad rocks too.
** At Joe Bolognas, the generous mayo served on their garden vegetable pizza is so sinfully delicious, you'll forget that you are eating something that's not exactly good for you :p
Chic (lit)...
I have come to the conclusion that I am the only desi woman-software-engineer that comes dressed to work like a day off at home aka bum! Everytime I catch myself in the office mirror, I tell myself I should be err...better dressed if not exactly "chic"! And reading books about Becky Brandon (Sophie Kinsella Shopaholic series) only makes me feel more ignorant and dull. Would be fun to spend loads of dough on the latest Gucci, Prada yada yada out there and turn a few heads, know what I mean? Somehow I have this sneaking suspicion that if I were a working woman in India, I would dress better... ;)
Girl friends...
I wonder if wives have this secret desire to make their husbands their girl friends, at least part-time. I guess, when we don't have access to a girl-friend, school chum, best-girl-buddy for a long time to chat, discuss guys (that was in college but you get the point)...and all that nice stuff with, we turn to our better halves to fill that void in our lives. Maybe I just made that up, that void bit, but it kind of makes sense. Of course the husbands don't take kindly to such suggestions ("Let's have a spa day together", "Let's do our eye brows together" or even, "Let's get matching new hair styles"...), but would be nice if they tuned in to our inner selves, explored their feminine sides and indulged us once in a while...ok, that was a lot of nonsense, but face it, you can dig out the little sliver of truth buried in it, cantcha?!
Such is my life. I am beginning to think the three days off and all that free time kind of messed with my head... :)
I had a delicious three days off! For matrimonial purposes, Queen of dreams and Shopaholic & baby, what more could a girl ask for?! k has taken to giving me these really strange looks whenever I tell him that I finished a novel in a day; I bet, one of jealousy and associated evil thoughts! Just to prove a point, he finished Man, woman and child in a day, for the second time. But he doesn't know that (that it was his second time) 'coz he doesn't have the sort of memory that is needed to recollect and realize that a movie/book has already been viewed/read. In a way, that's pretty cool, I mean, delightful books will always remain delightful and surprising till the end. You can watch the same old Friends and Reba re-runs and laugh each time Chandler/Van says something funny. I laugh anyway but the fact that I already know the joke and the first laugh is over takes away some of the fun out of it.
Directions and dreams...
While I wouldn't care for that kind of selective memory loss, I suppose I suffer from one of those memory losses anyway - the inability to remember roads/directions and by extension any attributes associated with what we call, "Local Geography". I mean, I really do make an effort. I watch pretty carefully when k drives to weird places but I just can't get the map to stay put in my head! But 10, I believe, is the magic number. If I have driven to a place ten times, that'll do the trick! Gaaah, I wish I could have my own limo and driver; Ok fine, a good car and a driver, like in India (minus the traffic jams and stuff). So cool. Day dreaming is fun. Actually, I might as well wish for a nice desi canteen, actually any canteen that serves veggie food also (just anything hot) at our work place, one of the disadvantages of working in a small university town is that the office is not considered big enough to have all those sweet things other bigger offices get - on campus gym, day care, multi-cuisine canteens - like in MSFT, God! I envy them! Imagine hot samosas with tangy chutney and a hot cuppa coffee at tea time!
Cooking and cuisine...
The past long weekend, I also had a chance to ruminate on my cooking skills. I used to like to cook and experiment, especially experiment and try mixing spices and strange ingredients to known dishes just to see what it would morph into it. Umm, ok so that doesn't sound so appetizing, but it's real fun, you should try it sometime. Add cashews to cabbage curry or cinnamon to your rasam and also remember to establish the well known rule of woman empowerment - "No complaints at the dining table about fresh food that is cooked that day" - I guess, it's kind of ok to complain about left overs, somehow that's not as bad as spending a good chunk of time toiling and sweating in the kitchen (more like 30-40 mins tossing stuff while on the phone but still...) and then having the guinea...I mean person sitting in front of you tell you, "I think the coconut did not get crushed fully...". So anyway, I don't know what happened, but after the preG visit (Duh! Keep up, willya?), I have lost the fascination I used to have for cooking. As a result we have been frequenting just about any restaurant in and around the Lex area...just in case you are too, here are a few tips:
** Vindaloo is not one of the dishes you should try out at Tandoor
** Green curry used to and still rocks at Bangkok house
** Drunken noodles might have fish sauce or not, am never able to figure that out at Iching, get a different waiter each time! Lo Mein is a safer option if you are a vegetarian.
** One restaurant, I won't mention which, served us nice, juicy melted plastic with out vegetable patia (Oops! Didn't mean to give it away...) and when we pointed it out, we were served four hot gulab jamoons with a heavy dose of apologies. Oh well, I suppose all that hot jaggery sauce will melt the plastic, no harm done.
** I like dahi wada in Curry house...hmm, but I also like it everywhere else :p
** If you order carry out for less than five bucks at Masala, take cash with you! There was this one time when k and I were starving and ordered samosas and realized we didn't have cash! We could have asked that guy to make it a non-carry out but then that's just plain awkward.
** Still haven't come across anything yummier than Ravioli de portabello at Olive Garden. Their salad rocks too.
** At Joe Bolognas, the generous mayo served on their garden vegetable pizza is so sinfully delicious, you'll forget that you are eating something that's not exactly good for you :p
Chic (lit)...
I have come to the conclusion that I am the only desi woman-software-engineer that comes dressed to work like a day off at home aka bum! Everytime I catch myself in the office mirror, I tell myself I should be err...better dressed if not exactly "chic"! And reading books about Becky Brandon (Sophie Kinsella Shopaholic series) only makes me feel more ignorant and dull. Would be fun to spend loads of dough on the latest Gucci, Prada yada yada out there and turn a few heads, know what I mean? Somehow I have this sneaking suspicion that if I were a working woman in India, I would dress better... ;)
Girl friends...
I wonder if wives have this secret desire to make their husbands their girl friends, at least part-time. I guess, when we don't have access to a girl-friend, school chum, best-girl-buddy for a long time to chat, discuss guys (that was in college but you get the point)...and all that nice stuff with, we turn to our better halves to fill that void in our lives. Maybe I just made that up, that void bit, but it kind of makes sense. Of course the husbands don't take kindly to such suggestions ("Let's have a spa day together", "Let's do our eye brows together" or even, "Let's get matching new hair styles"...), but would be nice if they tuned in to our inner selves, explored their feminine sides and indulged us once in a while...ok, that was a lot of nonsense, but face it, you can dig out the little sliver of truth buried in it, cantcha?!
Such is my life. I am beginning to think the three days off and all that free time kind of messed with my head... :)
August 16, 2007
Won't you stay back?
This sucks. People, hear me loud and clear. If you want to leave, don't get to know me. If it's too late for that, then at least don't be my friend. Jeez! Is it too late for that too? Then at least don't become a close friend! Don't have a good sense of humor, don't make my days any easier, don't relate to me, don't listen and please act distracted when I talk. Frown and interrupt, talk obsessively about yourself, act lost when I express a vague thought and delight in my little blunders.
What brought this on? One of my colleagues at work is leaving for good! He is fun to work with, cracks me up with his jokes and is smart! So, I thought if all the people around me who make my life a bit more pleasant, a bit more fun start leaving, where does that leave me?!
Aside-->Wait a minute...even if that happens. Internet is not going anywhere. I can still blog. And my blogging friends will still exist no matter where they move to. Gosh! Don't you just love technology at times? You guys rock!
Somehow, email doesn't quite work when we really want to stay in touch. It is really a mode of impersonal communication, I can think of several misunderstandings that originated from emails. So many of my close friends have left or perhaps I did. But, the few emails I get from them (usually piggyback-emails congratulating, commiserating, announcing significant events) only make them more distant than they already are. A sudden flash of a smile on a teenage kid I once thought was one of my best friends in Bits fades in and just as quickly fades out as I finish reading,
"Hey, happy birthday! Have fun machan!"
No unread emails.
Oh well. Life goes on. Just that sometimes everything seems to go still for a moment when a fond memory, an impulsive hug, the glint of a tear when we parted...unspoken words carried away by the wind alight unbidden...and then it's business as usual.
What brought this on? One of my colleagues at work is leaving for good! He is fun to work with, cracks me up with his jokes and is smart! So, I thought if all the people around me who make my life a bit more pleasant, a bit more fun start leaving, where does that leave me?!
Aside-->Wait a minute...even if that happens. Internet is not going anywhere. I can still blog. And my blogging friends will still exist no matter where they move to. Gosh! Don't you just love technology at times? You guys rock!
Somehow, email doesn't quite work when we really want to stay in touch. It is really a mode of impersonal communication, I can think of several misunderstandings that originated from emails. So many of my close friends have left or perhaps I did. But, the few emails I get from them (usually piggyback-emails congratulating, commiserating, announcing significant events) only make them more distant than they already are. A sudden flash of a smile on a teenage kid I once thought was one of my best friends in Bits fades in and just as quickly fades out as I finish reading,
"Hey, happy birthday! Have fun machan!"
No unread emails.
Oh well. Life goes on. Just that sometimes everything seems to go still for a moment when a fond memory, an impulsive hug, the glint of a tear when we parted...unspoken words carried away by the wind alight unbidden...and then it's business as usual.
August 10, 2007
A journey with many stops...
So, our predominantly singles gang in Lex has now jumped teams and most of our members now fall in the to-be/just/recently married category. For someone who has lived here for the past 7 years, this is another of those changes that I initially need to make adjustments to accommodate, and then adjust and finally assimilate. I remember a comment I heard recently that the real friendships are forged during your College days (For some reason, this reminds me of "Musthapha Musthapha..." from Kadhal Desam - I saw it in Bits and loved the experience - a bunch of us lit candles although it was forbidden, threw paper bits, it was riot!) but I have gained some meaningful experience and hopefully a few long-lasting relationships after Bits...In terms of social life and relationships, living in America has been quite an interesting journey for me.
GOLU @ my apartment.
In 2000 (the year I came to the US), I had no idea that I would be sharing a one-bedroom apartment with a 30 year old woman from Hyderabad who had spent several years living in N.India and then Canada and had an almost fanatical urge to keep everything squeaky clean (let's call her R~), a 20 year old from Hyderabad and a 22 (25?) year old from Madras. So the 4 of us managed to co-exist in that apartment for about a month when R~ decided she had had enough of us and she would prefer the apartment to herself. So, we packed our few belongings as R~ scrubbed the kitchen floor and we shifted (one of my many moves as a student) to a 1BR apartment in another block. Life was all hunky-dory. The 3 of us decorated the apartment, unpacked as much as we could (I kept most of my Indian dresses and winter wear in my humongous "India-suitcase") due to the limited closet space. I learnt to cook (still remember the first dish I made -a pulav with peas, three spoons turmeric and less salt, k taught me to make maggi and tea!), kept my first Golu, and was thrilled about it. My gang was predominantly Telugu-speaking and I picked up the language fast and even watched a couple of movies (Murari?, Manasantha Nuvve...). And wished I could also watch Tamil movies at times. Unfortunately the small Tamil gang at that time was pretty closed, under-grad friends who didn't seem like they were accepting new members :p
Never thought I would learn to even stand upright on skates!
Several exciting, stressful, happy - trips, fights, confessions, talks, moves later, I became friends with a Marathi/Hindi gang. Around this time I shared an apartment for a short time with a memorable room-mate, a 65 year old Bengali lady who stored a huge fish in her fridge everyday - it was always there, stored above the vegetable tray - I stopped storing anything other than milk in the fridge, I also stopped cooking at home. How I came to stay with her is an interesting story, about my not having an apartment and being declined temporary accommodation from all the senior Indian girls in the apartment complex :p Anyway, by then, I had moved away from my earlier gang, just a general drifting-apart in some cases, conscious moving-away in others and I began to fit in with my new gang. I wished I could speak/see/hear some Tamil though. Finally, k probably bored of my constant complaints suggested that I start a Tamil Cultural Assoc (at that time the Indian Students Association frowned upon regional movie screenings and any thing presented in a language other than Hindi/English), around that time I remember meeting D~ (my first impression of him was "Gosh, this guy is critical of everything in Lex!" - he found it strange that we did not have dinner in big groups and sometimes ate alone, he mentioned it about three times the first time I took him to Walmart and I thought he was a strange sort of guy! D~, by the time you get to reading this post, it would be pretty old anyway, so am hoping this will kinda slip by unnoticed :p), so anyway, I had my first real conversation with D~ about starting a Tamil Cultural Assoc and the rest as they say is history (Yeah, yeah, I like to gloat! So what?). Finally I had my beloved mother-tongue all around me and I reveled in her embrace!
During my trip to Arizona (for some reason, I had an impulse to try out pigtails :p)
Around 2003, I had a good mix of Hindi and Tamil speaking friends and then a Gujarathi (Yes, I insist on the "H") room-mate. More drifting-apart, fights, make-ups, messy birthday parties and impulsive road trips later, I now find myself in a predominantly Tamil-speaking mini-community. The surprising outcome of organizing cultural events is that I got to know the mamas and maamis in Lex and in some strange, comforting way they filled a gap in my life - I still missed my parents and relatives back home, but now I have people to remind me of them, to ask me where I purchased the pattu podava I am wearing, was it one of my marriage sarees? Someone to say, not unlike relatives back in India - "You should drop by more often, we are at home only, come and join us for dinner sometime..."
My very first car, my cute '93 Camry which I lost in an accident :(
Talking about relationships, I enjoyed working with the professors @ UK, I remember having interesting discussions, academic and otherwise with my professors - my Math TA prof, my Statistics-TA prof, my advisor. And I cannot forget the day when the wretched lady in my department insisted that I had forged my professor's signature on my defense slip and perhaps, I would never be allowed to get a degree. In retrospect, I think I shouldn't have cried and depended on my advisor to sort it out, I should have handled it myself. But, he was an angel that day, who convinced her that I was a good student who deserved her degree :p God bless him (although he made me edit my project report 11 times - each time the proposal would be smudged with red lines - "Dangling participle", "Active, not passive!", "Wrong use of the word 'example'", "The density of red on this page is too high for me to continue!").
Guess who managed to graduate!
Anyway, coming back to Tamil, k's complete sentences in Tamil surprise me every now and then. All my years at Lex, I yearned to experience my mother-tongue and finally it had come true. k says I tend to exaggerate when I tell him how all my life, I have wanted to learn and be near Tamil, as if "she" were a real person, a friend I sorely missed...I don't think he believes my story that I cried for weeks together when we shifted to Bangalore from Madras in the 80s, I sense his mild skepticism when I tell him, 5 years later no-one was happier than I when we shifted back to Madras; I insisted on taking Tamil as my third language in-spite of 5 years of Kannada and Hindi and I actually did pretty well (thanks to my mom's help with essays on Bharathiyaar) :)
So, believe it or not, I know "exactly" what the phrase below means...perhaps I needed to be away to realize how much I missed it...Bharathantyam and living-in-Madras are other example s of this same feeling (Not only am I repetitive, so are my feelings!) but that's a whole new post!
"தமிழுக்கு அமுதென்று பேர், இந்த தமிழ் எங்கள் தமிழ் இன்பம் உயிருக்கு நேர்..."
Talk about digressing! I started writing about marriages and friends and landed up in languages! Gosh, I can think of a million other things to write about my student life here but it's lunch time and am starved! Anyway, I discovered some old photos and thought I would add some visual touches to my disconnected reminiscence.
Life...can be strange at times. Memories too. But, in a comfortable sort of way.
Fall in Lex (when we were still students @ UK)...a season when our sleepy little town explodes in colors!
p.s - apologies for the spelling mistakes in Tamil.
GOLU @ my apartment.
In 2000 (the year I came to the US), I had no idea that I would be sharing a one-bedroom apartment with a 30 year old woman from Hyderabad who had spent several years living in N.India and then Canada and had an almost fanatical urge to keep everything squeaky clean (let's call her R~), a 20 year old from Hyderabad and a 22 (25?) year old from Madras. So the 4 of us managed to co-exist in that apartment for about a month when R~ decided she had had enough of us and she would prefer the apartment to herself. So, we packed our few belongings as R~ scrubbed the kitchen floor and we shifted (one of my many moves as a student) to a 1BR apartment in another block. Life was all hunky-dory. The 3 of us decorated the apartment, unpacked as much as we could (I kept most of my Indian dresses and winter wear in my humongous "India-suitcase") due to the limited closet space. I learnt to cook (still remember the first dish I made -a pulav with peas, three spoons turmeric and less salt, k taught me to make maggi and tea!), kept my first Golu, and was thrilled about it. My gang was predominantly Telugu-speaking and I picked up the language fast and even watched a couple of movies (Murari?, Manasantha Nuvve...). And wished I could also watch Tamil movies at times. Unfortunately the small Tamil gang at that time was pretty closed, under-grad friends who didn't seem like they were accepting new members :p
Never thought I would learn to even stand upright on skates!
Several exciting, stressful, happy - trips, fights, confessions, talks, moves later, I became friends with a Marathi/Hindi gang. Around this time I shared an apartment for a short time with a memorable room-mate, a 65 year old Bengali lady who stored a huge fish in her fridge everyday - it was always there, stored above the vegetable tray - I stopped storing anything other than milk in the fridge, I also stopped cooking at home. How I came to stay with her is an interesting story, about my not having an apartment and being declined temporary accommodation from all the senior Indian girls in the apartment complex :p Anyway, by then, I had moved away from my earlier gang, just a general drifting-apart in some cases, conscious moving-away in others and I began to fit in with my new gang. I wished I could speak/see/hear some Tamil though. Finally, k probably bored of my constant complaints suggested that I start a Tamil Cultural Assoc (at that time the Indian Students Association frowned upon regional movie screenings and any thing presented in a language other than Hindi/English), around that time I remember meeting D~ (my first impression of him was "Gosh, this guy is critical of everything in Lex!" - he found it strange that we did not have dinner in big groups and sometimes ate alone, he mentioned it about three times the first time I took him to Walmart and I thought he was a strange sort of guy! D~, by the time you get to reading this post, it would be pretty old anyway, so am hoping this will kinda slip by unnoticed :p), so anyway, I had my first real conversation with D~ about starting a Tamil Cultural Assoc and the rest as they say is history (Yeah, yeah, I like to gloat! So what?). Finally I had my beloved mother-tongue all around me and I reveled in her embrace!
During my trip to Arizona (for some reason, I had an impulse to try out pigtails :p)
Around 2003, I had a good mix of Hindi and Tamil speaking friends and then a Gujarathi (Yes, I insist on the "H") room-mate. More drifting-apart, fights, make-ups, messy birthday parties and impulsive road trips later, I now find myself in a predominantly Tamil-speaking mini-community. The surprising outcome of organizing cultural events is that I got to know the mamas and maamis in Lex and in some strange, comforting way they filled a gap in my life - I still missed my parents and relatives back home, but now I have people to remind me of them, to ask me where I purchased the pattu podava I am wearing, was it one of my marriage sarees? Someone to say, not unlike relatives back in India - "You should drop by more often, we are at home only, come and join us for dinner sometime..."
My very first car, my cute '93 Camry which I lost in an accident :(Talking about relationships, I enjoyed working with the professors @ UK, I remember having interesting discussions, academic and otherwise with my professors - my Math TA prof, my Statistics-TA prof, my advisor. And I cannot forget the day when the wretched lady in my department insisted that I had forged my professor's signature on my defense slip and perhaps, I would never be allowed to get a degree. In retrospect, I think I shouldn't have cried and depended on my advisor to sort it out, I should have handled it myself. But, he was an angel that day, who convinced her that I was a good student who deserved her degree :p God bless him (although he made me edit my project report 11 times - each time the proposal would be smudged with red lines - "Dangling participle", "Active, not passive!", "Wrong use of the word 'example'", "The density of red on this page is too high for me to continue!").
Guess who managed to graduate!
Anyway, coming back to Tamil, k's complete sentences in Tamil surprise me every now and then. All my years at Lex, I yearned to experience my mother-tongue and finally it had come true. k says I tend to exaggerate when I tell him how all my life, I have wanted to learn and be near Tamil, as if "she" were a real person, a friend I sorely missed...I don't think he believes my story that I cried for weeks together when we shifted to Bangalore from Madras in the 80s, I sense his mild skepticism when I tell him, 5 years later no-one was happier than I when we shifted back to Madras; I insisted on taking Tamil as my third language in-spite of 5 years of Kannada and Hindi and I actually did pretty well (thanks to my mom's help with essays on Bharathiyaar) :)
So, believe it or not, I know "exactly" what the phrase below means...perhaps I needed to be away to realize how much I missed it...Bharathantyam and living-in-Madras are other example s of this same feeling (Not only am I repetitive, so are my feelings!) but that's a whole new post!
"தமிழுக்கு அமுதென்று பேர், இந்த தமிழ் எங்கள் தமிழ் இன்பம் உயிருக்கு நேர்..."
Talk about digressing! I started writing about marriages and friends and landed up in languages! Gosh, I can think of a million other things to write about my student life here but it's lunch time and am starved! Anyway, I discovered some old photos and thought I would add some visual touches to my disconnected reminiscence.
Life...can be strange at times. Memories too. But, in a comfortable sort of way.
Fall in Lex (when we were still students @ UK)...a season when our sleepy little town explodes in colors!p.s - apologies for the spelling mistakes in Tamil.
July 26, 2007
Harry Potter @ Joseph Beth!
The line outside Joseph Beth...we got the book @ 12.35 AM - time just flew!
Inside Joseph Beth, before 12 AM, k trying to mimic a crazy teenage HP fan...
k being all nice...
Inside Joseph Beth...
Harry Potter is a phenomenon that I wish had lasted much longer...like happy childhood memories, we wish to re-visit it just one more time and it's always over too soon...
People from the "big and busy" cities in the US, visit Lexington and then tell us, "Gosh! This is a small town, I would be bored here!" I can't explain to them what makes life interesting for us, Lexingtonians...not with a convincing flow of arguments anyway, it's just not one particular place or event, it's a sum total of small bundles of pleasant happenings (which often cannot be explained to be understood - like trying to explain to a person who doesn't read books, what it is like to stay up late in the night, immersed in another life, almost as real as this one)...and standing in the long line around Joseph-Beth the eve of of a Harry Potter book release is one such event...
This time we reached pretty early, 11.10 PM and took our time watching and sharing the enthusiasm of kids and adults dressed as colorful HP characters...Fred and George, Mad-eye moody, Tonks, several Harry Potters, Hermiones...gosh, you have to be there to know what I am talking about...I would be way too restless to stay @ home and count every minute until the precious book reached me!
It's small events like these that make life interesting for me - Georgetown Kite Festival, Shakespeare Festival, Harry Potter book release @ Joseph Beth, Garba-Dandya during navratri @ the temple, plays @ Danville...small traditions that make a difference, that help to strengthen the tenuous bond that desis have towards their adopted home towns...
For me, FRIENDS, Everybody loves Raymond, Full House reruns and more recently Reba and Still Standing fall into the same category; if I ever go back for good, these will be among those things, however trivial, that I miss about life here...
Oh well...anyway, still can't get over the fact that the HP saga is over. I just cannot believe how Rowling managed to create a world so fantastic yet realistic, how she managed to etch class differences in society (goblins and wizards), everyday life and work (Ministry of Magic for example), romances and tragedies in a world so unlike our own yet making us live and feel and cry with the characters as if they really existed...I wonder which other book will make me forget my sleep and stand for an hour in front of the book store?
Inside Joseph Beth, before 12 AM, k trying to mimic a crazy teenage HP fan...
k being all nice...
Inside Joseph Beth...
Harry Potter is a phenomenon that I wish had lasted much longer...like happy childhood memories, we wish to re-visit it just one more time and it's always over too soon...
People from the "big and busy" cities in the US, visit Lexington and then tell us, "Gosh! This is a small town, I would be bored here!" I can't explain to them what makes life interesting for us, Lexingtonians...not with a convincing flow of arguments anyway, it's just not one particular place or event, it's a sum total of small bundles of pleasant happenings (which often cannot be explained to be understood - like trying to explain to a person who doesn't read books, what it is like to stay up late in the night, immersed in another life, almost as real as this one)...and standing in the long line around Joseph-Beth the eve of of a Harry Potter book release is one such event...
This time we reached pretty early, 11.10 PM and took our time watching and sharing the enthusiasm of kids and adults dressed as colorful HP characters...Fred and George, Mad-eye moody, Tonks, several Harry Potters, Hermiones...gosh, you have to be there to know what I am talking about...I would be way too restless to stay @ home and count every minute until the precious book reached me!
It's small events like these that make life interesting for me - Georgetown Kite Festival, Shakespeare Festival, Harry Potter book release @ Joseph Beth, Garba-Dandya during navratri @ the temple, plays @ Danville...small traditions that make a difference, that help to strengthen the tenuous bond that desis have towards their adopted home towns...
For me, FRIENDS, Everybody loves Raymond, Full House reruns and more recently Reba and Still Standing fall into the same category; if I ever go back for good, these will be among those things, however trivial, that I miss about life here...
Oh well...anyway, still can't get over the fact that the HP saga is over. I just cannot believe how Rowling managed to create a world so fantastic yet realistic, how she managed to etch class differences in society (goblins and wizards), everyday life and work (Ministry of Magic for example), romances and tragedies in a world so unlike our own yet making us live and feel and cry with the characters as if they really existed...I wonder which other book will make me forget my sleep and stand for an hour in front of the book store?
July 10, 2007
25 going on 30!
I hear the late 20s are the time when people are most confused (besides midlife crisis), when they vacillate between early 20 something kids and well into 30s parents with kids :) They yearn for the carefree life of the bachelor(ette), late night parties and impulsive decisions. But, the secure, comforting family of three with an adorable toddler holding on tight to the mom no matter how much you try to entice it with chocolates also paints a sweet picture. We wish we could be certain of what to do with this thing called life, like the aunty and uncle we spoke to recently, knowing exactly what they want to do, and, we also know that comes with wisdom that only age can bring along. So, where does that leave us? The people who check the 25-30 box on forms hoping they could curtail their age in that box for a little more time? The to-be-married/just-married/no-kids/SINKs/DINKs?
We still remember the not too distant past when we woke up on snowy mornings and having missed the School bus, trudged along in the snow to teach an 8 AM Calculus class. Why, we even remember the day we stood in the long visa line, with friends from our colleges and even parents, from morning till next morning! And of course, we remember our college crushes like they happened yesterday...we remember how Oasis used to be, how KSR and TRS taught so well but we still didn't get into IIT, no matter BITS turned out to be loads of fun anyway...
And we also know we are standing on the brink of something life-changing - a cliff overlooking an ambitious yet scary future, promising elements of a cosy family life, with little kids gazing at us adoringly, a time when the person the kid refuses to leave is us...not them, and also bits and pieces of unknown paths - a mishmash forming our destiny, the future we hope to experience but can never be certain until the moment is upon us to be the present...
And walking along this path, we often look back, wondering if we could just linger a little longer, but at the same time yearning to experience the treasures that our journey will bring...and until we cross that distance, we remain the elusive 25-going-on-30 people; don't worry we'll get over this together!
And to those people who fall in the 20-25 group, you know the kind that goes, "Oh man, you'll be 30 in a coupla years!", I wish I could say, "Wow! And you are still 23, I must say, that is quite an achievement, your parents must be awfully proud of you!"
But I am a nice girl, I am not rude, given most situations. So, in the infinitely greater wisdom that the few years have given me over this astute 23-year-old, I would nod and smile. Also with wisdom. Ah, such pleasure to possess such wisdom :p
Hey you! Big Three-O, am all ready for you, bring it on, baby!
Uhh...take your time though, not in a hurry!
We still remember the not too distant past when we woke up on snowy mornings and having missed the School bus, trudged along in the snow to teach an 8 AM Calculus class. Why, we even remember the day we stood in the long visa line, with friends from our colleges and even parents, from morning till next morning! And of course, we remember our college crushes like they happened yesterday...we remember how Oasis used to be, how KSR and TRS taught so well but we still didn't get into IIT, no matter BITS turned out to be loads of fun anyway...
And we also know we are standing on the brink of something life-changing - a cliff overlooking an ambitious yet scary future, promising elements of a cosy family life, with little kids gazing at us adoringly, a time when the person the kid refuses to leave is us...not them, and also bits and pieces of unknown paths - a mishmash forming our destiny, the future we hope to experience but can never be certain until the moment is upon us to be the present...
And walking along this path, we often look back, wondering if we could just linger a little longer, but at the same time yearning to experience the treasures that our journey will bring...and until we cross that distance, we remain the elusive 25-going-on-30 people; don't worry we'll get over this together!
And to those people who fall in the 20-25 group, you know the kind that goes, "Oh man, you'll be 30 in a coupla years!", I wish I could say, "Wow! And you are still 23, I must say, that is quite an achievement, your parents must be awfully proud of you!"
But I am a nice girl, I am not rude, given most situations. So, in the infinitely greater wisdom that the few years have given me over this astute 23-year-old, I would nod and smile. Also with wisdom. Ah, such pleasure to possess such wisdom :p
Hey you! Big Three-O, am all ready for you, bring it on, baby!Uhh...take your time though, not in a hurry!
June 19, 2007
Over the hill?
So, k turned thirty and unlike me, my husband loves to celebrate his birthday with a bunch of people, so, we rented disco lights and amplifier from Doo Wop (our local music store), ordered cake from Maggi's bakery, pizzas from Joe Bolognas and we were all set. We had a blast! But, what made the party more energetic were the group of 20-somethings from the University (Yes, I get to say that although am still in my 20s - not for long though :p) - ready to dance into the night and linger over silly conversations, which was such a rare treat for me...
Anyway, seeing them reminded me of my own early 20s and I was pretty much like them - wanting to try new things out, always ready for a road trip, talking to friends late into the night...not that am very different from that now. I still do like talking to friends late into the night, I still like going on road trips, but now everything has a clearly defined boundary. The friends that visit have a set time allotted for the visit (the concept of "lingering" long forgotten...or what we call "Daira podardu" in Tamizh :), the road trips that we plan are anything but impromptu and people have their own preferences, some of which they would rather not sacrifice even for a day. So, everything has to be planned - where we eat, when we eat, where we visit, even a visit to a coffee/ice-cream shop has to be co-ordinated prior to the trip...
Sooo, where does that leave 25-30 somethings like us? The 9-5 people who look forward to weekends to relax because their weekdays are monotonous and in the process of relaxing creating yet another monotonous-routine for weekends...?
I don't know. I guess in a way, this is the life that we worked hard for but we had just pictured it differently...
All I know is that I am grateful to the unexpected visits, the long conversations, the late-night parties and the "lingerings" that still manage to occur in my life :)
February 20, 2007
Back to India?
So, I've been mulling over this for years (four to be precise - I spent the the first 2 and a 1/2 years ahem...studying for my Masters and the next 1/2 year frantically looking for a job here). So for four years, I have revisited the same argument:
To pack up and go back to India for good vs staying put.
It seems to me that NRIs suffer from a "Kal'la Chakram" syndrome (badly translates to a wheel bound to our legs :p); we want to leave India desperately (alright, don't huff and puff now, "Some of us, not all" - there, happy now?) to come here for whatever reason - in pursuit of a higher academic milieu, in pursuit of $, in pursuit of comfort and happiness - and then you would think that we bask in the glory of our achievements and look at the world with the equivalent of a satisfied burp? Naah, we want to run like the wind!
Back to India!
We talk about it at length, some of us dare to pack up and go back, some of us go back and then come running back and then there are the rest of us, that just talk about it. On and on, an unending stream of arguments, never tiring of playing the devil's advocate...a few of us even claim to have found "home" here in the US, and then wonder in the middle of the night if we still have enough reasons to support that claim and then we fall asleep wondering. Maybe our dreams will point us in the right direction?
By now, I have heard arguments from different sections of people, each section in itself offering different viewpoints, all true, quite interesting and conflicting:
- the back-then NRIs
The original settlers, "Back in 1976 your uncle traveled all the way to US with just Rs.500 in hand..." - those people. Comfortably wealthy, trademark SUV and a car, 2 kids, custom-made puja room in own house, meets with other such NRIs every weekend for potlucks and such.
They are (seem?) happy in America and do not have any intentions of traveling back to India.
- the aspiring NRIs
Finished Masters, found a job, just-married, looking for a house, planning on starting a family.
This group has started thinking about going back to India, but probably won't. I mean, visualize the excited look in her eyes as she picks out the right throw pillows for the couch or the right curtains for the hall. Think of the happy glint on his face (Wife happy-->No nagging-->husband happy :) They are just way too excited to move on with their life here to consider going back seriously.
But every other weekend discusses going back with friends, cousins, parents, anyone who would listen! Misses home.
- visiting US for a short project (work related)
Inspired by the life style here, pleasantly surprised with the traffic, wide roads, cleanliness and general comforts this country has to offer but also miss home a lot. May/may not go back. Definitely considering (at least talking about) going back for good.
- in India.
Never seen America. Don't plan to or want to (but might yield to childrens' pleas :)
My parents for instance and probably yours too :) What kind of a culture will the grandkids grow up with? What if they want to date, eat meat, marry a "foreigner"?
(There are several groups of NRIs that fall in between these categories; irrespective of the category, the confusion remains!)
Of course these are also concerns of the younger age-groups showcased above, along with which they also worry about their parents back in India. Why not just drop everything and go back to your parents? Maybe you can't, maybe you need the money for your parents' medicare back in India, for a sister's wedding...(Yeah, yeah, "thoda filmy", I know but life is stranger than fiction and life inspires fiction, not the other way around). And thus we let ourselves get pulled into a discussion that will never conclude until we go back for good. Or we eventually wake up one day and realize it's our Sashtiabdhapoorthi tomorrow and our kids don't even know what it is! Maybe they will know - "Mom, pop touched 60, ain't that like awesome?! Totally rad! Let's go like party!")
If you are a woman reading this post, you will of course know that we have a slew of additional issues to consider - day care in the US (too expensive, feel too guilty, your kid catches a ear infection from another kid every other week; back to India? No part-time, long work hours; Stay-at-home-mom - loss of confidence, "Am I a burden?", "I am worth nothing" and related positive feelings :)
Bah.
Maybe we are just stuck like the man in the hamster wheel running away from now, to relive his past in the future?
Just like we came here to the promised land, in pursuit of several promises, some of us go back in pursuit of what we left behind. Some of us don't. I don't know for sure what I am pursuing now.
Maybe it's as simple as...happiness.
Image from http://www.cartoonstock.com/
To pack up and go back to India for good vs staying put.
It seems to me that NRIs suffer from a "Kal'la Chakram" syndrome (badly translates to a wheel bound to our legs :p); we want to leave India desperately (alright, don't huff and puff now, "Some of us, not all" - there, happy now?) to come here for whatever reason - in pursuit of a higher academic milieu, in pursuit of $, in pursuit of comfort and happiness - and then you would think that we bask in the glory of our achievements and look at the world with the equivalent of a satisfied burp? Naah, we want to run like the wind!
Back to India!
We talk about it at length, some of us dare to pack up and go back, some of us go back and then come running back and then there are the rest of us, that just talk about it. On and on, an unending stream of arguments, never tiring of playing the devil's advocate...a few of us even claim to have found "home" here in the US, and then wonder in the middle of the night if we still have enough reasons to support that claim and then we fall asleep wondering. Maybe our dreams will point us in the right direction?
By now, I have heard arguments from different sections of people, each section in itself offering different viewpoints, all true, quite interesting and conflicting:
- the back-then NRIs
The original settlers, "Back in 1976 your uncle traveled all the way to US with just Rs.500 in hand..." - those people. Comfortably wealthy, trademark SUV and a car, 2 kids, custom-made puja room in own house, meets with other such NRIs every weekend for potlucks and such.
They are (seem?) happy in America and do not have any intentions of traveling back to India.
- the aspiring NRIs
Finished Masters, found a job, just-married, looking for a house, planning on starting a family.
This group has started thinking about going back to India, but probably won't. I mean, visualize the excited look in her eyes as she picks out the right throw pillows for the couch or the right curtains for the hall. Think of the happy glint on his face (Wife happy-->No nagging-->husband happy :) They are just way too excited to move on with their life here to consider going back seriously.
But every other weekend discusses going back with friends, cousins, parents, anyone who would listen! Misses home.
- visiting US for a short project (work related)
Inspired by the life style here, pleasantly surprised with the traffic, wide roads, cleanliness and general comforts this country has to offer but also miss home a lot. May/may not go back. Definitely considering (at least talking about) going back for good.
- in India.
Never seen America. Don't plan to or want to (but might yield to childrens' pleas :)
My parents for instance and probably yours too :) What kind of a culture will the grandkids grow up with? What if they want to date, eat meat, marry a "foreigner"?
(There are several groups of NRIs that fall in between these categories; irrespective of the category, the confusion remains!)
Of course these are also concerns of the younger age-groups showcased above, along with which they also worry about their parents back in India. Why not just drop everything and go back to your parents? Maybe you can't, maybe you need the money for your parents' medicare back in India, for a sister's wedding...(Yeah, yeah, "thoda filmy", I know but life is stranger than fiction and life inspires fiction, not the other way around). And thus we let ourselves get pulled into a discussion that will never conclude until we go back for good. Or we eventually wake up one day and realize it's our Sashtiabdhapoorthi tomorrow and our kids don't even know what it is! Maybe they will know - "Mom, pop touched 60, ain't that like awesome?! Totally rad! Let's go like party!")
If you are a woman reading this post, you will of course know that we have a slew of additional issues to consider - day care in the US (too expensive, feel too guilty, your kid catches a ear infection from another kid every other week; back to India? No part-time, long work hours; Stay-at-home-mom - loss of confidence, "Am I a burden?", "I am worth nothing" and related positive feelings :)
Bah.
Maybe we are just stuck like the man in the hamster wheel running away from now, to relive his past in the future?
Just like we came here to the promised land, in pursuit of several promises, some of us go back in pursuit of what we left behind. Some of us don't. I don't know for sure what I am pursuing now.
Maybe it's as simple as...happiness.
Image from http://www.cartoonstock.com/
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