Breaking out of the bubble (for moms).

So, I survived the first 6 weeks and survived a major abdominal surgery. You don't normally equate a c-section with major surgery but after reading up about it, I am convinced it is. Compared to the nightmare that was my first (non-surgery) delivery recovery, this one seems better but I guess if things had gone wrong with the surgery, it could have gone terribly wrong.

The bubble thing. The first six weeks after r~ was born, I was in a haze. I continued to be in a haze even three months after she was born. I just didn't feel quite right (which later I discovered was my thyroid levels acting up). But thyroid levels being off or not, the first six weeks after delivery, you live in a bubble. In my case, I kept hanging on tight to different mementos, places, things at different times during those six weeks. The first thing I held on to as a security object for a few days was this pair of socks -- they gave it to me at the hospital just before the surgery...



The five days in the hospital this time were mainly about little milestones, little victories for me. Last time, it was quite the bollywood drama -- I asked to go home after third degree tears, hemorrhage and the doctor said he would stamp an AMA (against medical advice) on my forms if I did that! 3 days of labor, attempt to birth at home etc etc. Long story that. This time, everything was planned and felt a bit unreal. k actually had a real hospital bag ready (last time, after my last bit of strength with home birthing and labor had drained off, I picked up a kroger bag, stuffed a few nighties in it and insisted we rush to the hospital with that). This time around, we had taken a real hospital tour, pre-registered, all that good stuff.

After a 'regular' delivery, delivering a baby by c-section was...different. I almost missed laboring (or perhaps that was my hormonal imbalance speaking to me). I missed the challenge of kicking labor in its *-- and knowing that I have the strength to push the baby out. I have read that labor pains is one of the worst forms of pain that a human being can endure. So, coming out of it alive seemed like winning something. I was thrilled to see baby m~ and wondered in a drug-induced haze if I should make another one of these wonderful little things but I hadn't pushed the baby out. I felt a little tugging and there she was! The post 'delivery' part of this pregnancy though was as miraculous as the first time :)

That's the surgery part of it. Then came the 5 day period where I had to kick a different *-- i,e surgery recovery :p I decided to stop and make a little mental note every time I crossed a milestone -- getting up to walk (12 hours after surgery), getting off the epidural, using the rest room for the first time, walking out of the hospital room for the first time, everything was a struggle and a small win. After 5 days, I almost felt scared to leave the hospital like I was leaving a safe bubble to go to the outside world. I guess the hospital room and nurses had become my second security blanket. I held on to little things like the warm water and apple juice k would give me in the hospital room -- each was a source of comfort that it was going to be ok.

At home, I looked forward to the huge scoops of nei that I know my mom would have had ready for me. I remembered the taste from my last time and somehow even that helped me recover -- the familiar tastes and smells of home, and settle down to a more normal routine at home. I shed a few tears for not being able to spend enough time with dear big sister r~. Our lives used to revolve around her constantly and now I wasn't able to shower her with the amount of attention I was accustomed to giving her. And the fact that she was so excited about her lil' sister and had not a jealous bone in her body only made me feel sadder somehow. I am back to doing activities and crafts with her (and sitting on the floor!) and am glad for that...it's always the small things that catch you unprepared.

What's the big deal, you ask? Everyone has or knows someone who has gone through a c-section (or a regular delivery for that matter). True, that. But, I thought I'd write a little about what it feels like to actually go through it and emerge out into the sunlight. I am still seeing through tinted glasses, still standing with one leg somewhat inside the bubble but I know I will step out eventually like I did last time.

Here's to all the moms who make the journey! It's not an easy one :)

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A new life.

I guess giving birth is like being reborn. I am trying to recall what I used to write about here. Whoever said having two kids is not too different from having one either has only one kid or is delusional with lack of sleep. Say hi everyone to baby m~!

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As it was with r~, measuring time with little milestones -- first time I could walk after surgery, first time she smiled (gas or no gas), first time I wore something nice after the delivery, first time k and I watched a TV show after delivery...every little thing is a milestone, a small celebration that we survived and are bravely marching along :)

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Weird what thoughts float through our heads those first few moments, minutes, days after the baby is born -- when I heard her cry the first time and saw her for the first time, I thought, 'Gosh! I could do this again. Maybe we should have another kid!'

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Didn't realize I would spend so much time worrying if I am giving r~ enough attention. I assumed most of my energy would be spent taking care of baby m~. Boy! Was I wrong! Half the time, I am screaming at r~ (who is a big girl now, all of 4 years old) to not touch m~'s hands because she hasn't sanitized her hands yet and has a runny nose and is just back from school (which we all know is there to spread germs and education). The other half of the time, I am tiring myself physically doing crafts with her to make up for all the time am not spending with her and to make up for my guilt for the earlier screaming session. The first few days after I was home, my baby blues (tears) were mostly about r~...didn't expect that.

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Thank God for supportive husbands.

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And supportive moms.

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I am so happy I sent chocolate covered berries and a sweet card to the hospital staff. I love thank you cards and birthday cards and miss you cards...you get the picture. No wonder I love thanksgiving speaking of which, this card r~ made at school was touching:

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After all the drama of home birthing, 3 day labor, ER visit and blood loss last time with my delivery, this time was almost a non-event. Felt unreal to not go through labor and give birth. I missed laboring -- something empowering about beating it and coming out of it alive (and now I have officially lost it, I guess).

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Addicted to Parenthood.

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1 year of no TV and still counting.

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r~ is mischievous to a point where we get complaints from her school teachers about her naughtiness. Always embarrassing to get lectured about your kid; thought we were done with being lectured when I graduated from college.

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Is anyone still reading this blog? Hellooo?

---:)---

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Bay area pics

r~ and I loved the mountain range that gave us company as we all drove around in the bay area. r~, my little artist replicated it here: she added an airplane and our house sort of on top of the mountains :-)

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On moving and settling down.

So, we moved to Alpharetta almost 9 months back. We have gone through excitement, boredom, denial, almost-feels-like-home, jeez-we-have-no-friends...and many more phases representing a range from emotions from the totally anticipated to the entirely unexpected. I thought I should note down how I feel now and revisit after a period of time to see if anything has changed.

The first 3 months: were about saying good bye, nostalgia, remnant excitement from arangetram and from quitting IBM and moving on to a better job, adrenalin mixed with exhaustion from the move and the staying in a motel and the move again to an apartment.


The biggie was getting r~ settled into a preschool. I was definitely more apprehensive about that than my first day of work. The initial months were about figuring out where to get food (What is a Publix?!), where are the Indian grocery stores (we get chat here, paav bhaji with Tamil movie songs playing in the background!), beauty parlor (right next to HotBreads, now renamed Cake World) where I don't go any longer -- that's a long story, where to get clothes (there is a carousel in the mall and cup cakes and a train!) -- this we had to figure out as soon as we realized r's school required uniforms (was I back in Chennai?) Around this time, I met my friend from Bits, Pilani, A~ who filled in the gaps for me. An Indian co-worker of mine gave me the inside info about restaurants in the area and such. 


During this time, we went to Atlanta almost every weekend and tried to get a feel for the city (if we weren't in Atlanta, we were in Lex!) We didn't have any friends to speak of, so might as well get to know the city, right? We were regulars at the Children's museum (rocks!), Chatpati and related Indian restaurants in the area. We checked out the puppetry center for arts, an art studio for kids, a farm with animals to pet + a bonus art class...


r~ celebrated her first birthday in school (with Simba)!


There was not much time to think. The moving was done but the momentum didn't slow down...yet.

My artist at Purple Hippo Art Studio

Simba and Nala chilling out at our apartment!

The next 3 months: r~ was well-settled in school and I, at work. k was all set with his home office. Our trips to Atlanta had slowed down and we had info about all the essential services we needed. We continued exploring, went on a wild animal safari...That's when it usually begins right? The urge to change things just when everything seemed to touch a semblance of sanity. We started discovering small annoyances with the apartment -- the dish washer coughed up black gook every now and then (the apartment service folks rocked though), we were lucky to get a ground-floor apartment with an attached garage but there was hardly any sunlight in the living room -- and I thought I was running away from minor-SAD-symptoms in Lex. The reduction in living space didn't make much of a difference (surprisingly) and I loved the single-level layout but I felt the need to decorate the apartment so it was more home-like. We had friends visiting us from Lex and that was fun but we missed 'hanging out' -- something that k and I had an insatiable appetite for, in Lex. I got to know my office colleagues better and A~ better, attended a bunch of school birthday parties with r~ (where I, like my daughter, did not manage to make any new friends). I got to know the pani-puri aunty well ( we were there almost twice a week). 


r~ decided to join a paatu class -- my little girl was taking her own decisions! Another friend from Bits, also A~, told me about a bal vikas class that r~ might enjoy. So, we took r~ to Atlanta every Sunday for the class. She refused to stay alone in class which meant managing her for 2-3 hours without hopefully too many embarrassing moments. By the time, we ate and came back, it was 4-5 hours taken from our Sundays -- which was a nice way to spend Sundays since there wasn't much else to do anyways except house hunting! Around this time, I decided we had to buy a house and so the rest of the weekends and a considerable part of our work lunch time was spent looking at ranch houses. We needed a single level home, close to work and close to school, at least 3 BR and in reasonable condition. Turns out, that was not easy to find because not many people built ranch houses nowadays! Finally, we did find one soon after we decided to take a break from house hunting :)

Wild Animal Safari

And that brings us to now: we moved yet again, celebrated the new year and my birthday. I was at home, at work -- you know what I mean. r~ was at home at school. k~, well, he is at home, at work, anyways :) We talked a  bit about r2i and m2b (move to bay area :p) but decided we needed against it for the next few years. I liked my work and r~ liked her school. The place was definitely more happening and had access to a lot of fun things to do, the weather was better...so what's the catch, you ask? Friends, of course. Making friends, when you are no longer studying somewhere, it turns out, is hard. We met people we could hang out with but that's different from hanging out with close friends...


k's parents are here to visit us and that always helps w.r.t home sickness (where is home anyway? India, Lex, here?) We finally joined the local library and I felt like I could breathe a little bit easier -- felt like a missing puzzle piece fell in place. We went to a neat build your own car class at Home Depot..met a few more people, who could potentially become friends, and felt better. k, though, misses friends at Lex, the swing in our backyard, the sand box he built for r~...


We went without TV for 8 months and hardly noticed the difference, we bought a TV and then returned it, bought another and returned it and are now TV less again and surprisingly still not missing it but I think this time, we will buy a TV and not return it.


r~ made some almost-real friends, I saw her initiate and ask questions to her teacher (by herself! Huge deal...for me), today she asked me if she could go to school (either she likes school or k and I have become boring versions of ourselves here!)...


And we are back to spending inordinate amounts of time about trivial enhancements to the house -- which means, we are almost home...


Time will tell.

@Home Depot -- that week's show & tell for school!

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Mushy mushy.

Sometimes, r~ gets really mushy and all cuddly with me and I wanted to record some of the things she said before she quickly became an eye-rolling teenager saying, "Mom, pleaaase!"

* Amma, I will always stay with you (அம்மா, நான் எப்போவும் உன்னோட இருப்பேன்!)

* Amma, I won't go to space because it is verrrry far. If I go, I will take you (This, when I asked her if she will write letters to me from space :)

* Amma, how beautiful you are ( அம்மா, நீ எவ்வளவு அழகா இருக்க! )

And equally note-worthy non-mushy moments:

* (While throwing a piece of paper up) 'Now the earth will go around and this paper will go to India' -- after I had explained why it was day in India while being night in the US and vice versa.

* (One day, I got really mad at her and said I am going to send her off to a different appa and amma) -- 'அப்புறம், அவா எச்சை plate ல என்ன சாப்பிட சொல்லுவாளா? -- Of all the concerns, she is worried, they will ask her to eat in a dirty (echal) plate!

* (When I told her the beginning of 'The immortals of Meluha') Amma, I like Shiva umaachi a lot, I like him as much as 'I love you' -- she did not mean, she liked Him as much as me, she meant, she liked him as much as the emotion represented by: 'Iloveyou' :p (எனக்கு Iloveyou அளவு பிடிக்கும்!)

* Amma, don't order this for me in Amazon. I want to go to a store and buy it -- understanding the difference between online and offline :)

* (Appreciating Daadi's saree, she says in Gujarathi -- in all politeness) 'Daadi, your dress is very beautiful. Can you please order this for me from India?'

An aside: I think k and I will deeply miss Simba when r~ gets past the lovey stage. Simba is like a second kid for us now, "Radhu are you ready to go? Where is Simba?" is something we ask without thinking :-)

I kinda get now why my mom kept the dolls that L~ and I used to play with, for so many years :)

:-)

Even a part of her hugs :)

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iStress

The iPad is becoming a frequent point of contention in our household and the cause of considerable amount of stress for me. I'll start with the smallest point (person) and then go on to the bigger (older) ones. No, I am not going to say I have conflicts with r~ about how long she can be on the iPad. Thankfully that day is not here yet. She is a pretty good kid that way and hardly ever demands to play on the iPad but she has recently gotten into this routine of face-timing when it's night in America.

It's a long story. She doesn't like the dark much and asked why the sun had to set and why it was not bright and somehow we landed on the topic of it being daytime in India while it's night in the US and she got fascinated by this concept. So, when it is night here, she would say, Oh, it's dark here which means thatha paati will be awake, so let's facetime with them. And soon, it became a routine for her. Oh, it's night here, let's facetime to the extent that she would refuse to talk to her grandparents on the phone. "No, only facetime!".

It's quite interesting watching her interact with her thatha paati on the iPad. Although she has spent considerable time with her grandparents face to face, now her routine is to chat using the iPad and so, she doesn't treat it any differently from face to face. She'll usually demand for facetime and then proceed to do her normal activities as if her thatha paati were right in the room with her. It's not "different" for her to interact with her grandparents this way. Today, she said, "Let's take thatha on a walk into the night!" and I asked her how and she said, "Joiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, like this" and she showed me how we would carry the iPad with us into the night which means that thatha is coming with her for a walk into the night :)

Anyway, coming back to the contention points, the second is k (of course). Every morning, I get up a little earlier than k and r~ so that I can get her lunch box ready while they catch up on some more zzzs. And after screaming out their names 22 times and opening the curtains and playing loud music, k will sleep walk his way into the kitchen, look around for his glasses and/or coffee and then sit down with his...iPad while I fume in the kitchen, calling out a constant stream of instructions that usually lightly bounce off his ears and fall onto the carpet. And when I questioned the necessity to make the iPad an essential body part this early in the morning, he said, well, isn't that what our dads did? They sat with the newspaper -- that's the only difference! This actually made me laugh...the other day, I was drawing with r~ and I found a picture that reminded me of what he said. So, I drew it out on a piece of paper and gifted it to him as a reminder of how thoughtfully he had held up to his side of the argument:

It came out pretty well I thought. He asked if I thought that's where he was heading at the top (notice the baldness), I hadn't thought of that :p

So, the third point which is most likely to cause some heart condition in me has to do with my parents and the iPad. Usually a facetime (chat) session on the iPad goes like this:

Me: "Amma, can you come on facetime, r~ wants to chat..."

Amma: "Now???"

Me: "Yes."

Amma: "But, can't I  just talk to r~ on the phone?"

Me: "No." (With r~ screaming into my ears all along, "Facetime, facetime, thatha, paati, facetime!!!")

Amma: "The iPad is in the bureau..."

Me: (With slightly elevated pulse rates) "Why?" -- This is like the point in BBT where the Leonard warns someone not to ask Sheldon Why.

Amma: "Because it is expensive and lot of people come in here. It will get stolen. I can't find the bureau keys..."

Appa: "Amma is looking for the bureau keys to get the iPad out. What is r~ doing? Oh...I hear her. What is she saying? Hellooooo...helllooooooo paaaappa..."

Me: "She won't come on phone pa..." (Thaaaaaaaaaaaathaa, paaaaaaaati...wheeeeeeee -- now she is just screaming just because it is fun)

Amma: (Somewhat breathlessly) "I took it out..."

Me: "Ok, can you come on facetime?"

Amma: "It's not working"

Me: (Enter gritting teeth stage) "W h a t  do you mean, it's not working?"

Amma: "It shows a red broken battery and won't even start"

Me: (Coming close to matching r's decibel level) "Why is it not charged?"

Amma: "I can't leave it charging forever. The iPad will heat up...also if it is left outside..." (repeats the whole reason about burglars targeting iPad2's in India)

Me: "Put it on charge now"

Amma: "I did. It's still showing a broken battery."

Me: "Aaarg"

After sometime, I have calmed down, had some cold water, managed to give r~ some fingerpaint which she is using as floor paint but at least she is quiet now. I call India again.

Me: "Ok, iPad charged?"

Amma: "Yes. It doesn't work."

Me: "???"

Amma: (Patiently expands on her terse statement) "Nothing works"

Me: "@#@##$%"

Amma: (Excitedly) "Shall I come on the laptop? It will only take 2 minutes?"

Me: "No, we bought the iPad for a reason....what doesn't work?"

So you can see how it goes. Thankfully, that time L~ was home and he deduced that the internet connection was down and so fixed it (which in India, you do by restarting the modem. Five times a day.)

I haven't even touched upon me remote debugging from here and teaching my dad how to increase volume on the iPad or the time they lost the charger and spent more than the iPad cost to replace it -- need a part 2 to this post :p

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Exploring Atlanta -- Puppets!

I should probably title this post, "Exploring Alpharetta" but I know there is much more scope if we catch the train to Atlanta :) Yesterday, we went to a puppet show, "The Ugly Duckling" at The Center for Puppetry Arts in Atlanta. I wondered if r would have the patience to sit through the show and was surprised that she did. To my relief, even before we entered the theater, I found a lot of parents with squirming toddlers and knew I had reached the right place. The show was bright and loud (in a nice way) and they had a really nice stage setting with musical instruments built into the stage itself. The puppetry form was "Overt puppetry" where we can actually see the puppeteers manipulating the puppets. The lighting and sound systems in the theater are pretty sophisticated due to which they could pull off a stunt where the puppeteer blew a firefly (like light) from her hand and they filled up the entire ceiling (tiny lights that were supposed to be fireflies) -- that was magical for the kids (and to some of us)!

The puppet we made

The last time, we took the train to Atlanta (Marta) to the Children's museum and as a result couldn't really pick a restaurant of our choice to eat, which made some of us (yes, that would be me) cranky (I had to eat cold veggie burger in Atlanta. I mean, come on! I am in Atltanta, I should be able to find a desi snack place with hot snacks)! And so this time, we were planned. After the puppet show, we ate alu sandwiches with hot sauce which k had meticulously packed and I even packed coconut water in case I got tired (you can never tell with my thyroid gland)! Then we went to Chattahoochee national park by the river and walked about 1/4th of the trail (just a few minutes actually) before I started feeling tired. So, we just sat by the river sand and let Rads play with simba and her ugly duckling (The puppetry center had a small workshop where we could make ugly duckling puppets with the kids -- an awesome idea! r loved it!) puppet.

Glad I can actually go to a show and actually take r with me -- low stress deal! If you are in Atlanta, drop me a line and let me know what kid-friendly places you like or even better, if you are in Alpharetta, just drop by home :p

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"Amma happy"

I have my share of raising-a-toddler-trials-and-tribulations to share but I am beginning to reconsider my original thoughts on raising a 2 year old. As days pass, she does so many astonishing things that they well beat the "trying" part of parenting (By "trying", I mean, the insistence on subsisting on nothing but cakes, popsicles and cheese; refusing to wear short sleeved t-shirts, sleeve-less t-shirts, shorts, the cutest skirts thereby rendering 3 whole shelves of her clothing obsolete; saying "Nathi", "Illa [Iyyya]", "No" about 36 times a day -- 36 times for each language...and more recently, "Naan thoongayen, enna diturb pannada pappa" -- I am sleeping, don't disturb pappa!)

The biggest thrill for me is the ability to meaningfully communicate with her (Like today morning, she woke up, smiled at me and said, "Amma nee azhaga iyuke"). The other day I told her I was feeling sad and she said "B~ maama edho sollitta" (B maama said something...), B maama being my manager! A week earlier I had told her if I didn't finish my office work, B maama will be angry with me! And the fact that she made the connection and assumed I was sad because B maama said something was pretty cool! When she just started stringing words together, she once stopped mid-walk (we were strolling around the house), drew a little air circle around my face and said, "Amma happy"...that was the highlight of the day for me!

The ability to express herself also means she now can clearly state what she wants and why and why nothing else will do. When she was younger, I used to ask her "Cake or pasta", "yellow or blue" knowing she will always pick the second option. Sadly, that is no longer a trick she falls for. Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

I particularly like this phase because she is fascinated by stories! Stories from books and stories I make up. Her eyes grow wide and you can see the wonder in them, that the world is so full of brilliant stories to be discovered...you almost want to be her and listen to those stories the very first time so you can experience that feeling!

Oh and she can sing songs now...which means k and I get to pick our favorite movie songs and play them to her and she can actually sing them back to us (Ok, that is not exactly an educational moment but it has its merits such as playing her favorite song on youtube so some form of food can find its way into her mouth!)

It's almost like they have turned into real, little people who can tell us how things should be done instead of us always telling them what to do! And they are at an age where the magic still exists -- she really thinks we can heal with a kiss and God actually said thank you when she gave God the raisins, that there is a little butterfly baby that is waiting forever on our kitchen window, that the night lights become too hot and hence have to be turned off at night, that every morning the Sooooyiyan (Sooriyan -- Sun) has come to wish her Good morning, that Avvaiyaar paati is still making dosas on the moon...

Ah...to just believe in magic and tales. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

And here she is singing ♫"Lakde ki Kaati"♫

[Listen in Quicktime]

Current favorite book -- Bobo!

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Living in the head of a 2 year old.

Sometimes I wonder what goes on in r's head when she makes specific (and quite unreasonable) demands and expects to take them to completion. The other day, she insisted on wearing 2 pairs of socks inside the house and roaming about in them. She slipped a couple of times on the floor but still wanted to wear them. Yesterday in the mall, she wouldn't remove the gloves and hat I had put on her to check the size. Finally, I had to get another pair and scan that one to buy it! I trust the written word :p and usually take to  books to find answers to my questions (the non google type of questions which involve more thought than the shortest route to a park) but parenting is an ongoing lesson that I have picked up on more through practical experience than through books. Nope, doesn't mean I'll stop reading my parenting books. I will continue to do so, so I can at least pretend while I read that I am going to be an ideal parent but somewhere in the corner of my mind, I'll know that r already has a trick to get past my latest parenting tool!

No transition is easy and now we are trying out preschool for her (couple of hours one day a week) and she has her own thoughts about it and so far this is what I have gleaned out of her head: that she wants an exciting world full of colors and shapes and people, most importantly kids but she also wants her mom or dad to stand in the corner and watch so she can run to them when she feels uncertain. If only I could create such a world for her! I can tell she is getting a bit bored at home, even with a nanny, that her toys don't interest her as much. She still likes her books but a 2 year old can not read throughout the day! But in the outside world, she wants her mom or dad to stand guard for her and I don't blame her -- it's a scary world out there. So, she is trying to find her balance while we try to find ours with work and home.

My next book is Let's see if I can get something useful out of it!

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About being back home...

Yesterday r~ and I went for a walk in the evening and while she chatted on about the sky and the moon and Avaiyar paati in the moon, I hugged myself bracing against the already chilly air and I guess against the winter to follow. The neatly lined cookie-cutter houses looked orderly, well-maintained yet distant. And that's the thing about this country. You can see the chandelier on inside the houses and the table already set for an early dinner but it's as if the house is bereft of conversation and sounds and people! An evening walk at this time in Madras would mean a friendly hi from at least our watchman and the few maamis rushing to the Krishnar temple right outside our house there...

I had this similar feeling of loneliness when I sat staring at the five huge suitcases that had to be unpacked. Suitcases filled with bits and pieces of home that I hoped would fill my house here with the same scents and colors that I had left  behind in India. We have been busy socially the one weekend that we have spent since we came back, thanks to Navaratri Golu but what now? It's as if this indescribable aura is all around us, when r~ says "Ellayum Indiala irukaa" or mentions people back home or when k is away for an evening, this aura pervades our house, shooting questions at me, "Is it really worth all the trouble?" But then, I could just be consumed by a sense of nostalgia and homesickness and attributing every small annoyance to the fact that this is not India. I would probably be fine in a few weeks when things have fallen back into a predictable routine here...I just don't know yet. All I know is, the evening when k had a bowling game was well on its way to being a pretty boring evening for me until I decided I needed to head out of the house and search for some people to talk to! So, I did that. Packed r~ in her cute blue sweater and went to drop by the Indian family's house that's just a few houses away from mine. After spending an hour there catching up with that maami, I felt better and headed back home feeling not so distraught.

I feel like k and I are picking up on small things to fight about because we are still fighting to settle back in this country after a supremely satisfying vacation in India. And as my dad predicted, r~ bravely adapted to the country change and is busy running about doing what she considers is her business for the day :) Although, I can tell she realizes more than she lets on -- she acts so excited and happy when people drop by home here, I can tell she wants the attention she had back...

So while I deal with the change and I guess myself, expect similar themed posts and feel free to speak your mind!

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Nose piercing, technology and r2i -- in other words, random!

So let's see, where do I start? I'll begin by talking about my latest obsession -- my nose piercing. I was so excited to get my nose pierced. It seemed like something daring and different and it still does seem that way except that I have a little bump the size of my nose ring right next to it! And yesterday, the lady at the gym started at it as she spoke. Arrrg. This actually reminded me of that episode in Friends where Chandler says he couldn't date that woman because she has a gunk of mascara sitting at the corner of her eye :p Anyway, I have two options -- ditch the nose ring or patiently wait out the bump on my nose. Not happy about either option.

Edited: So last night, I went to that piercing lady to ask if my nose was going to vanish under a big bubble. So, the impression I had of the lady was this: that she was hep and looked cool with all those weird piercings (too many for me but still...), she was efficient with the piercing and said, "If you have any trouble at all, call me, I am Kari" and I thought, "Gee! What a nice lady! And cool too!" Yesterday though, I came back with a different opinion of her. She saw me come in and the smile literally vanished from her face (probably because she knew I wasn't a paying customer -- just a "return visit customer"), she tried her best to appear disinterested in my...nose and my questions. She didn't smile except in the end to say, "Have a nice day!" and there was no, "Contact me if your nose vanishes..." kind of promises. k said the moment she saw my face, she sat down heavily on her chair (as if she wouldn't budge even if I sprouted a second nose!) So I came out thinking, "How did I ever think this woman was friendly and stylish?" Even her piercings seemed ugly. I guess external beauty really does depend on what goes below the radar. Anyway, I don't recommend Bleed Blue for this very reason -- pretty miserable after sales care.

I really didn't want to discuss my nose piercing in this post but at least it got me to write something. I am feeling sort of restless these days and I feel like I should do something really cliched like ditch facebook for a month or stay off the laptop the whole weekend or something like that. But, I bet that's what people said when cell phones were the rage and really it sort of blended into mainstream culture pretty easily. Maybe that's what will happen with social networking sites too. Everywhere I look, I see, "Catch me on youtube, twitter, fb, check our my blog blah blah". I had an interesting discussion with a friend the other day and she said she didn't really have a facebook account and didn't care for one and that got me thinking. She had her reasons of course -- privacy, waste of time etc. Nothing new there but still, I went ahead and made most of r~'s photos private on fb. I didn't go so far as deleting my account but I felt I had taken a step towards...towards something. I don't really know what that's a step toward! The other day, we went for a walk and k was staring at his new android OS cell phone for most of the walk. When he eventually showed me what he was staring at, I was hooked in too (it was an app that could identify a star if you pointed your cellphone at a star in the sky!) but still a walk is something pristine and peaceful and calming...a device in the mix ruins it! I feel like r~ is missing out on some basic experiences and growing up just like today's iBabies. Instead of listening to her grandma sing thamizh paatu or her thatha tell her stories, she is growing up (with me singing out of tune Tamil songs but also) listening to Nila, Nila on her Tamil DVDs and watching "Ennamma thozhi" on youtube.

The other day, I watched two 5-6 year olds spend a couple of hours sitting on the couch in front of a video game instead of out playing in the sun! I don't really know if r2i is the solution for helping a child grow up with a wholesome mix of things but I am not getting very far here with the desi experience. I try my best though with what I have -- I religiously speak to her in Tamil at home, restrict how much TV she watches (nothing except her baby DVDs and only for drinking her choco milk -- yes, she is that picky with her milk!), make sure she sees me or k light the vilakku and pray everyday but I feel she misses out on people-experience. Perhaps we miss out on it too. I am not a big fan of the huge combined family drama but staying in close proximity to her grandparents is something more beneficial than what she has here. And things that we struggle for here -- like teaching an Indian language or Indian culture will come naturally if we actually lived in India (instead of faking it :)

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Jumble again.

Seems like I either don't find the time to organize my thoughts into a single coherent topic for a post or I do find the time but my mind doesn't want to put in the effort for it. So, here's a jumble again:

► I keep saying I really want to return to India for good but I guess at some level, I am apprehensive, sometimes scared of the prospect of going back for good and what all it would entail. In the end it seems to be whether I want to live the life I want, the way I want when I am healthy and young and then handle the tough decisions that life in America will throw my way when I am retired (Mainly to do with the dynamics between r's lifestyle and choices and how they will affect k and me) vs live a challenging perhaps difficult but fulfilling(?) life in India now with the chaos and color that family will bring and lead a relatively more peaceful old age to put it simply. If r grows up in India, she is going to be Indian (Duh ☼) and Indian culture will automatically be a part of her life. But my life is going to be dictated at least in part by others. Of course I can be a bad gal and ditch what people say. But really, what's the point of going all the way to live a life there when all you are doing is being miserable because you can't make the people that matter with their infinite demands happy ☺? So money and comforts aside, the r2i deal seems to sprout new tentacles each time I think about it.

► "That's my girl!" k says when finally r shows interest in a tiny racing car that he's been trying to entice her with since she turned 6 months.And I was going to give him the mommy-knows-all lecture of "Don't try to impose your interests blah blah" and then stopped myself. I have been guilty of that too. I have been trying to get r interested in books since she was 6 months old and I believe I have succeeded but that's an example of me trying to impose my interest on her too. I guess there's a difference between imposing our unfulfilled dreams on our children and teaching them to love the traditions we love. And right now, it's more of the latter than the former. Maybe when she is 18 and wants to be an entomologist and I am insisting that she take a Literature degree, that's when I have issues to deal with ☺.

► I have noticed k (I should say men since I like to generalize based on k :p) don't do well with multi-processing. If I have asked k to do one thing and then I tell him do this after you finish, then he just freezes in his tracks and looks at me like I just spoke Ancient Greek to him. The whirring pace of one task after another in my head are no match for the precise, one task at a time only chugging that goes on in his head. And I have noticed he doesn't do well with too many choices. Even if it's just his clothes. The Spring wear he sports now has been exclusively hand picked by yours truly :p I, on the other hand, like most moms (Should I say women?) like to multi-process (Sometimes, I don't have a choice) and plan ahead. Wayyyy ahead. I like to have the if-then-elses in place in my head and plan out possible routes (Yes, yes, I do understand life tends to get unpredictable but I like to assume I have the power to handle the predictable at least!)...Mars-Venus I guess. Who knows?

► Anonymous blogging is boring. Firstly, it's hard to get a reader base if you are starting off as a nobody, just too much work to patiently write interesting niche stuff until you have people stopping by. But, if you already own a known home in the blogosphere, then this anonymous getaway is sorta not that appealing because it lacks the people interaction I guess. So anyway, I started writing (venting? :p) in this mom blog. A couple of reason I wanted it to be anonymous: moms tend to carry passionate views about parenting styles and I guess everything else related to kids and I didn't want to inadvertently write stuff that will rub other moms the wrong way; I wasn't editing, so just dumping thoughts from my head to the screen...so long story short, here it is: desi mom. Another blog? Until I set up my own website somewhere and aggregate all my blogs, a new blog it is plus am afraid I'll scare folks away from here if I keep writing twitter-style mommy blog posts here! Yada, yada...feel free to take a look, ignore, comment and all that good stuff. Like I said, blogs with no readers are sort of like unread books -- there might be good reading material in them or at least glimpses of it but you never know until you pick them up and read it :)

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Thoughts on being a mom -- 1 year later.

I should have gotten around to this long back, 8 months back but better now than when r~ turns 2 -- then I would have to club together the first two years :p

She is taking a nap now, so I am going to write in short bursts, so I can just publish if I have to rush.

* I sometimes want to have another baby just to test out a parenting philosophy/theory (mine). I think this will work but she has already grown past the stage when I can try this out. So, now I have a theory and no baby to try it on!

* What seems like an insurmountable catastrophe today will be forgotten and filed under "Oh yeah, she did do that...almost forgot about it!" Like when she refused to get on the high chair, a car seat, her stroller and I figured I was so terribly wrong with my parenting style that I have a baby that just won't be strapped in anywhere! That phase lasted a week and I turned a year older in that week.

* Frantic internet searches (by the parent, I mean) will not go away. They just make a category jump from infant to baby to toddler to kid to preteen to teen to daughter and so on.

* Cry it out, controller crying, rock it out, nurse it out, baby whispering...finally, believe it or not, she will sleep. 8 hours without waking in the night. Just not now or next year or the next or...

* Being a parent is like being one of those head-spinning robots. Your head is on straight and you are happy because she gave you a kiss and then it's on backwards and she is testing out your patience. And then it's turned sidewards and you can't really see clearly and you imagine things and some days, it goes spinning and spinning until you shut down and collapse.

* Yes, you try really hard to not say no to her. But 55 times a day is not that bad right?

* Yes, you will swear in front of your kid when you stub your toe and no, however hard you try, your mouth is going to fail you one day or another. Anyway she says, "Frog" like ****! Her nanny is trying to get her to say "Froggie" instead :p

* Yes, it would be an ideal world when you have a clone of you taking care of her while the you-you naps. I was reading this interesting book that said if you can't give your toddler something she really wants, at least give her an imaginary world where she gets what she wants and more. Trying the theory out on myself.

* I actually made the "A" with the boiled carrot and a swirl of sauce. She smiled and squished the carrots in the sauce and said, "Brooooooken!" Yup, TV during dinner time it is. Is good for the soul. Mine!

* I am so glad she gives me the opportunity to be proud several times a day. I don't give myself that opportunity because lately I haven't accomplished much (anything)! Like, the other day, she pointed to the flower in Wild Oats and said "Shun-ffowwer"! And when I said, "Please taa" as she licked her popsicle, she said, "Taya maatten!" and laughed!

* I am competing for the mom-who-read-maximum-baby-parenting-books competition. I believe the competition also has a facebook fan page. Do become a fan and vote for me when you get a chance. Also tweet, blog, stumbleupon and digg it :p

* I am going to be squint eyed soon. Judging from the number of times I try to keep track of r~ when I am trying to have a sensible conversation with a friend (and he keeps saying, "I have her". Somehow his "I have her" is different from mine!)

* I have a running commentary of what she is going to do next in my head. So when I am in the middle of something, I'll see her edge towards the ants and I already know what she is going to do next and so I shout out an abrupt "She's gonna do this next. Watch out!" and k always looks up slowly as if to determine if I am indeed the girl he married!)

* No, my life is really not split between the various roles I play after r~ was born -- mother, career woman and such. I have become just a mother who does other things now like working, cooking, writing, dancing...but I am a mother first and everything else is next. And that's the way it's gonna be.

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Say Aaaa, Bbbb...

Pre-r (which is how I am going to call my pre-parent days), I used to notice one common characteristic among parents. Whenever they had their baby with them, they would try to convince the baby to do something fascinating like saying the alphabets or singing a song or even dancing a particular piece. It almost never worked. The kid would look shy and hide behind the parent or would just look blank and do nothing. I would excitedly wait for the kid to do its wonder but couldn't help wondering what made the parents want so desperately for the kid to perform. I believed them, that the kid can say its alphabets or sing a little jingle or tap dance; then why the attempts to coerce the unwilling kid to do that?

Now, I know. Of course, I know! When friends drop by, I try to not request r~ to do this or that but I can't help myself. She would have just recited her numbers with that steal-your-heart-away mazhalai or done the cutest little poonai-walking imitation and I am so proud/elated/excited that I want to show the world what a genius she is (which am sure is pretty much how a parent feels when their child says "Aaaa Bbbb Sheeee" the first time :-)

Anyway when we have company, we usually and predictably have a scene that goes something like this:

"Kannamma, poona epadi nadakkum kaami?"

"Aeh." That's how she refuses requests when she feels what is asked of her is beneath her level of accomplishments.

"Kanna, amma cake tharen poonai epadi nadakkum kaami?" I am now sitting in front of her at her eye-level which I have read is how you communicate effectively with kids. Bribing with cake was not mentioned but it works occasionally, so...

"Cak."

"Modalla poona madiri pannu."

"Caaaaaaaake." And now she makes her cute-whiny face. So, five minutes later after she has had cake or equally acceptable replacement, I try a different tactic.

"Kannu, 1-2?"

"Onnnnne..."

"Yes, yes. 1-2 Buckle?"

"Onnne..."

"1-2?"

"Aeh"

So, I give up and by now the guests are anyway bored and looking at the clock. The moment the door closes I hear,

"One-Too bucke mashoo, thee foa dooooor, fiiiive six pickupsti, shevem ate laaaay, naaan ten, heeeen."

And then "Cockadoo..."

I swear next time, am going to hide and record her and then just play the video when people drop by!

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Abhiyum Naanum

I couldn't have watched this movie at a better time in my life. The movie hit home for a couple of reasons -- the marriage to a "North Indian" and the baby girl in their lives. RadhaMohan has directed a realistic and touching movie again after Mozhi. I liked Azhagiya Theeye also but Mozhi left behind several scenes in my head and so also Abhiyum Naanum. In this case though I had to hold back tears and watch the movie (The one time I cried for a movie in front of k -- Naayagan, he hasn't let me forget it even now. Not giving him another opportunity so easily!)

At some points in the movie, Abhi was r~ for me and then it was hard not to get involved. Scenes that were particularly touching: when Ravi says Abhi is his amma, when Prakash Raj looks shocked when Abhi tells him she knows what she is doing, Ravi's song during her wedding, when Prakash Raj holds up his hand and says "Porum ma...you already told me this when you were fifteen, you know what you are doing..." to name a few.

This may seem over the top but I am more patient with r~ after the movie, at least the past 2-3 days and am sort of overwhelmed with affection for her. The movie begins with Prakash Raj telling PrithviRaj that the very mischief that has us begging them to stop now will be the fondest of memories for posterity. And there is truth to that observation. I guess the movie sort of woke me up to the not so distant time when r~ will not need me so completely any more but I will continue to depend on, worry about and learn from, her. In some ways, my life will be determined by the decisions she make. And of course, I thought of my dad and similar events that happened in our lives...

I loved the fact that the comedy track in the movie was well-integrated into the main story. I think the first thing k and I wondered aloud after watching the movie was if r~ would show up with a Sardarji herself twenty years from now! The Balle balle music when Jogi reveals himself at the airport and Prakash Raj's "Yes Sir" salute on the phone to the PrimeMinister were hilarious! There were no unnecessary overflow of emotions, no excesses intended to extract every bit of emotion from the audience, no untimely accidents and unexpected tragedies but still this movie pulls the audience into its narration and manages to even convey a message or two without sounding preachy.

My dear li'l r~, I hope someday you see this movie with me and we can laugh and cry about it together. For now, we can always laugh with Elmo!

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Motherhood & Babyville -- a post for women mostly.

(...although will be refreshing if you are a guy and you still want to read the post. 100 words down if you are still reading, man, you rock!)

I recently submitted an article on motherhood for a magazine contest. And I wrote that while motherhood is about sweet gurgles, the pitter-patter of tiny feet and wet sloppy first kisses, it is much more than what the outside world sees. The whole world told me my life was going to change after a baby. There is much truth in that and li'l r~ is now a year old and I don't know if my life is back to normal yet. So, I figured I would alter what normal is so I can get over that issue and carry on with life.

The past two days, I have been dwelling over how being r's mom has transformed me, not just because of the article but also because of this book I read called Babyville. I started off criticizing the book for being superficial but as I continued to read, I could identify bits of myself (albeit very tiny bits at times) in all the three moms in the book. Yes, there was a time (I believe, 4 weeks after r~ was born) when I wondered if I had the famous baby-blues or it's nasty sibling, PPD. 6 months, post-partum when I was still a walking zombie, I wondered if I was making a big mistake by not even considering the Crying-it-out method. After all, happy, sane mom a requisite for happy baby, right? At that time, I didn't quite chalk my walking-dead-routine down to thyroid issues (which is what I would discover later on -- a drastically over-zealous or sluggish thyroid gland and just for fun, keep alternating it so the endoc could never know for sure!)

And now, I am no longer post-partum even by my extended definition (k claims it's 6 weeks, not 1 year!) So, I no longer have a valid excuse for: my 15 extra pounds (I swear, I will sign up for the gym if I cross 125 now; enough is enough!), my lack of energy in the evenings, my most favored costume of the day -- pjs...and so on. I am past the stage where moms with kindly eyes (and the rest of the world, also with kindly eyes :) who have been-there-dunnit inquire about my birth story. I can't slack off in bed saying I am recovering. And soon, when my mom leaves, it's just up to me and k to keep r~ safe, healthy, happy, intellectually-stimulated and the million other things that toddlers need. In reality, they will probably grow up to be perfectly fine, whether or not moms like me stress over which vaccines to delay, which organic baby food to trust, which toy not to buy, how much TV to watch and so on. But stress, I do. I believe it's part of the job-description.

I miss the attention-phase. The phase when a woman is pregnant and people coo and ooh and are super nice to you (That must be how celebrities feel, I guess). And then we sort of melt to the background -- and rightfully! Baby outcutes mom anyday! -- but it's also sort of anti-climactic; suddenly we are moms now who ought to know how to get their act together. The past 1/2 year, I think exactly one of my friends asked me how I felt -- a question that was put to me a million times when I was pregnant. I find it somewhat annoying when people suddenly start addressing me momma. Hello? Not your momma! Like suddenly they can't be bothered to find out your first name. "Momma! Baby will be fine, it's just a little shot!", "Momma, come and sign this paper please!" 'Course am proud am a mother but a mother to my precious, not to every odd person on earth!

And then there's the discussed-to-death family-work balance which does not exist. If you are talking about family-work-imbalance, yes, I believe that is real. When I am at work, I worry about r~ and when am with her, I worry about not making my mark at work. There are a million things I want to be doing every second -- clean the house, organize stuff, cook, write, plan, be an awesome and also very cool mom (very important, repeat "cool mom")...and I feel I don't do justice to most of it.

And being a part of mommyhood also means subtly justifying your choices maybe not all the time but it's bound to crop up sometime or the other in this journey. One child only? Stay at home mom? Day care so early? Every choice invites a comment and it's hard not to justify myself which opens the door for what else? More comments and advice. It's however hard to ignore the advice (which is what am doing currently) when it comes from your obgyn or pediatrician ("7 months and not sleeping through the night?Don't you think she might be getting a bit spoilt guys?"; "It's perfectly alright to let your baby cry when she is in the car seat, stroller, crib or anywhere else in this world. Let her cry -- is the solution to a perfect childhood" -- Ok fine. I made that last line up). One of those parenting magazines I read said, the more you blab, the more advice you are going to get, like it or not. And I am the blabbing type, unfortunately. This reminds me of two starkly contrasting statements I heard while I was pregnant: One of my friends said she felt she achieved something in her life only after her she gave birth to her first child. And another acquaintance said her life was over after her child was born.

And the book brought all this to the forefront (of my already loaded mind). And so, I am currently dwelling on all this and of course I shall dwell some here too. For what's a blog for, if not to output some of your overflowing, repetitive, inane thought processes to? And being a mom means being subjected to an overdose of that whole process.

And no, I am not going to end this post with but it's all worth it because we have a cute baby who makes it all better. It may be worth it but every motherhood article need not necessarily end with that disclaimer just because it highlighted some of the difficulties of being a mother and now it has to make up for it. I will not subject to the mommy-guilt-syndrome. At least, not this once *Sheepish grin*.

What's a mom to do when she has all this going on? Read a chick-lit and chill of course. Which is what am doing currently. Bridget Jones diary, in case you are curious or too lazy to check out my book case on the right. One day r~ will grow up and walk through this space and go, "Mom?! You lost it briefly after me?!" in a delectable American accent!

Oh and now for some fun update, The last laugh will be showcased at the Bangalore book festival! Aarg! I wish I could go. I wish I could go and do a reading or some such cool thing. Look for a stall by pothi if you are there at the exhibition! I wish I could go! If I say it enough times, the powers that be shall make it happen. Didn't you know that?

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Amul butter anyone?

After a couple of years, I decided to tag along with k and r~ to Sagar India Market to buy Indian groceries. Nothing much had changed but I did find this extremely inviting package of Amul butter beckoning to me from behind the frosty freezer door. Today, I unwrapped the package and took a big chunk of butter which I confess I ate "apadiye" (Was it the horlicks ad that went, "Appadiye saapiduven"?), no bread, no crackers, just utterly, butterly delicious Amul butter. It was all that it promised to be!

Not that I needed an excuse or anything but then I started thinking of India. The other day, I was talking to k about my evergreen topic, India vs America, the one that my dad and I always end with, "Ok, let's agree to disagree on this". I told k that somewhere in the back of my mind, there is always this thin veil of insecurity that reminds me that am not in my home country. I love America and am grateful for the life we have here, but am certain somewhere not easily accessible is this little anxious voice that cautions me to be careful and I think that voice will not be quietened by a green card or a citizenship card. That voice is here to stay.

Maybe, it's because the life we have here is what we built from scratch. Aside from a handful of close friends and a wider circle of just friends, we don't have a solid base with close people milling around us to help us if we need help. Our foundation is still new, stable but new. Maybe r~ would feel otherwise because we would have built the base on which she will build her life. She has a backup. What do we have? There are channels here, "aid" available if needed, organized care but it is not personal, it is...indifferent and that worries me.

Life throws many curve balls at us and I guess, I am trying to handle one now that has me wondering if r2i is the only sane, only safe decision there is for us. But, I guess I have gone through pretty momentous occasions here in this country and am stronger for each experience and a bit more confident. So, maybe life here is worth a shot and is the right way to go...who knows?

There is a reason for everything and I bet there is an overwhelming reason for my choice. I just have to figure it out.

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Stuck.

Today is one of those days that I feel stuck. Stuck in life. It's one of those days where nothing goes wrong in particular, no one says anything to set me off but I just don't feel right. I don't even know why.

Ever have one of those days? A day full of minor routines, maybe one or two pieces that won't fall in place -- a server that won't work, a plan that doesn't seem to be materializing, a dream that is half-way implemented -- and it feels like I just want to curl up and go back to bed and not go about any routine or talk to anyone.

So, I stopped debugging the server, stopped worrying about the incomplete dream, and just looked at the photos I took yesterday of r~.

That didn't fix my vague blue mood or fill me with a surge of adrenalin to get going but at least it reminded me that soon, I will be home playing with her and then everything will take a back-seat. It made me smile.

Thank God for that.

Oh! And Happy Tamil New Year's Day!

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Baby and everything else.

Everything is a blur. Everything is crystal clear. Moments of insanity interspersed with moments of bliss. Chaos and stillness coexist.

Babies can do this to you and much more.

And in between all this, I managed to notice a silvery glow in the sun. A strand of white in an unruly mass of black. And it happened much before I hit my mid-life crisis. And the unlikely discovery took place in the middle of a conversation between k's mom and me. I was describing r's antics to her absently twirling a bit of hair in my index finger (an annoying habit I picked up from a girl at Bits) and the glint distracted me. I stopped speaking for a while and held the strand of white hair in my hand and gasped.

"Mummy, mera baal saphed ho gaya he"

k's mom, being the nice woman she is, gasped along with me, heard the anguish in my voice and commiserated with me. A few moments of silence and she cautions that I should not remove it else two would sprout in it's place. Yeeesh.

Later I reasoned. One white hair after one baby. Not a bad deal after all.

***

r does the funniest things.

Wait a minute...I am not going to be one of those moms that constantly talk about their kids.

Hmm, on second thoughts, I don't mind being that mom :)

So, the other day r woke up from deep sleep and she had the weirdest expression on her face, like she had forgotten that she was born! She looked to her left and then to her right and stared at me with the biggest eyes possible, as if to ask, "Wrong exit?"

***

The funny thing about marriages like ours (N.Indian weds S.Indian) is...actually there are a lot of funny things, conflicts if you will like:

coffee vs tea

rice vs roti

veshti vs what-do-they-call-it-pyjamas?

and now a brand new addition to the repertoire - thooli vs ghodiyu

So, we, meaning k & I, have this thing called a ghodiyu which swings neatly and r has been kind enough to start sleeping in it now. We, meaning S.Indians, use something called a thooli to rock kids to sleep. It's a hammock that's hung from the ceiling rather than from a stand and it's more closed (to resemble the womb). My mom is convinced that a thooli is the ideal sleep solution for r. k meanwhile is thrilled that we try to put r to sleep in a contraption similar to what he refused to sleep on as a baby :p

r meanwhile assumes it's play time whenever we put her in the ghodiyu. She gives this really flirty grin to the decorative stick above her that holds the ghodiyu together and starts playing.

Personally, I doubt she will sleep well in a thooli either. Babies just aren't designed to sleep like adults unless of course it's an $$amby baby$$ :p

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k claims he can no longer be the "good husband". Apparently the warranty ran out six weeks postpartum.

"Let's see 9 months of pregnancy plus 6 weeks after birth. Yup, now I can stop being so nice..."

"So now you go back to being you again?"

"Basically yes."

"You are a !@#$$$%"

"Not in front of the baby!"

***

I have never considered myself "girly" nor did people give me that impression until sometime ago. Anyway, I rediscovered a girly part of myself with a quick stitch kit. You know how you always see this picture of a happy, heavily pregnant mom knitting her way to glory? Well, I took a short cut and did this instead (I just had to show off here!):


Proud sigh.

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