Deepavali 2011

The Children's museum in Atlanta has become one of our favorite hang outs. r~ treats the place like her second home. Last weekend, v~, d~ & baby d~ had come to visit us and we took them to the children's museum, the kids had a blast. Every time I would ask them, "Ready for some playdough?" Two excited voices would reply, "Yes!", "Ready for the water table?" "Yes! Yes!", "Ready for painting?" "Yessss!" :)

After they left, I realized how much I missed the company of friends. K seemed to have missed people too for he talked non-stop initially and interrupted me several times to share anecdotes with them. Feel that bitter-sweet taste in my mouth now -- that I have good friends and had a good time last weekend but can't meet them again unless I drive 5.5 hours.

Yesterday, we went to the Swaminarayan Mandir here to celebrate what was left of Deepavali (Sitting at my desk watching the Facebook timeline fade with messages of Happy Deepavali is not my idea of "celebrating" Deepavali). When we parked there, I was...awestruck. Pretty much. I saw lanterns floating into the sky just like in Tangled. We got out of the van and just stood and watched for sometime as the red lit lanterns floated slowly into the sky...and in the background, the white marble temple changed colors. The water in front of the temple reflected the flickering lamps decorating the steps of the temple and the lanterns floating about. And on either sides of the water area and in front of the temple were a sea of people waiting for the fireworks and aarti to begin. The lively music and fireworks made my day feel almost like Deepavali.

We ate Indian food (also amidst a sea of people) in a tent after standing in a long snaking line. We sat on the grass and ate because every available single spot on the table and the chairs were taken up by desis or food! r~ had a blast.


(No, I didn't record this video...no smart phone yet, Siri still being shipped!)

That's life for now...exploring the place because we left the people in a different place...

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Blue

Gloom and doom lately -- First the news about Steve Jobs and now Jagjit Singh. Even the weather seems on the duller side.



Wishing for peace and good news...

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On architecting...life

I am a planner. I plan parties, get-togethers, gifts and just about everything and put in a lot of energy and time into it. I like doing that. I liked planning and preparing for the arangetram, the job change, the city change...the life change. But sometimes, I feel like I should take a break and just experience life the way it is. Without the looking ahead and the constant churning to shape the future course of events.

K often points out that even before he has completed a chore, I am on to the next one, planning what needs to be completed next. And he is right. I am uncomfortable being complacent. I understand complacency is different from being at peace and I can do the latter without bringing in stagnation in my life. But, I find it hard to draw a line between the two. Sometimes, I have to consciously tell myself to enjoy this moment, this point in space that I am at, that I seemingly architected but probably had more to do with powers higher than me and words difficult to comprehend like destiny and the universe. But, I like to think I had something to do with it because it makes me feel a little bit more secure in this world of uncertainties.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring but I can pretend to choreograph a part of it to my liking because well, that is all I can do. If that pretense of control leaves my hand, then I am vulnerable and I don't necessarily want that realization dawning bright and clear on me -- as long as it's somewhere in the back of my mind, that's fine and I can continue to plan and architect my life. In little ways that are important to me. Now, if only I can add the taking-a-few-minutes-to-smell-the-flowers bit...

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Exploring Atlanta -- Puppets!

I should probably title this post, "Exploring Alpharetta" but I know there is much more scope if we catch the train to Atlanta :) Yesterday, we went to a puppet show, "The Ugly Duckling" at The Center for Puppetry Arts in Atlanta. I wondered if r would have the patience to sit through the show and was surprised that she did. To my relief, even before we entered the theater, I found a lot of parents with squirming toddlers and knew I had reached the right place. The show was bright and loud (in a nice way) and they had a really nice stage setting with musical instruments built into the stage itself. The puppetry form was "Overt puppetry" where we can actually see the puppeteers manipulating the puppets. The lighting and sound systems in the theater are pretty sophisticated due to which they could pull off a stunt where the puppeteer blew a firefly (like light) from her hand and they filled up the entire ceiling (tiny lights that were supposed to be fireflies) -- that was magical for the kids (and to some of us)!

The puppet we made

The last time, we took the train to Atlanta (Marta) to the Children's museum and as a result couldn't really pick a restaurant of our choice to eat, which made some of us (yes, that would be me) cranky (I had to eat cold veggie burger in Atlanta. I mean, come on! I am in Atltanta, I should be able to find a desi snack place with hot snacks)! And so this time, we were planned. After the puppet show, we ate alu sandwiches with hot sauce which k had meticulously packed and I even packed coconut water in case I got tired (you can never tell with my thyroid gland)! Then we went to Chattahoochee national park by the river and walked about 1/4th of the trail (just a few minutes actually) before I started feeling tired. So, we just sat by the river sand and let Rads play with simba and her ugly duckling (The puppetry center had a small workshop where we could make ugly duckling puppets with the kids -- an awesome idea! r loved it!) puppet.

Glad I can actually go to a show and actually take r with me -- low stress deal! If you are in Atlanta, drop me a line and let me know what kid-friendly places you like or even better, if you are in Alpharetta, just drop by home :p

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On moving and moving on...

This post has been a long time coming but glad to write now about it. The past couple of months have been eventful -- quitting IBM, preparing for interviews, arangetram, moving to Alpharetta (or should I say Alphapet? So many desis here, it could be Alwarpet ;) and leaving Lex and Lex, I guess, is the focus of this post now. The rest will find their way to this space sooner or later!

It's true that I was ready and I do mean, really ready to leave Lex after 11 years of making it my home. There were a multitude of reasons for my wanting to leave Lex but having said that, there are a number of reasons why Lex is, to reuse an overused adjective, pretty awesome! It's been a few weeks here and I still haven't found a library as attractive and close to home, or a Kroger that's 2 mins away! And I truly miss Joseph Beth, our defacto hang out place for the past several years now.

But a place is after all a place and it's the people really that matter. And people are what I miss most about Lex. It's not like I dropped by my friends' homes every other day but weekends usually found us in a friend's home or them in our home and it was...good, familiar, comfortable...like home. Even if some weeks all I did was talk to them on the phone, it was knowing that people who knew me for my quirks and craziness(es) were nearby should I need to see them. The wise folks online tell me it takes anywhere between a year to two years to call a place your home, sometimes never. A year seems far away now. I asked k if we should call a friend's contact here, you know, just to make new friends and he said, "It should just happen else it's artificial" :p

So weekends here find us in the mall (there is a carousal in the mall and a train, a real train for kids!) or Hotbreads (paav bhaji and veggie-puffs) or India plaza (yes, they have the latest Tamil movies) or in one of the umpteen Indian restaurants here, all of which are a stone's throw away. Fill friends in on this equation and we are set for life.

But.

It is harder to reach out to people and make friends as we grow older and for desis here with siblings back in India, that becomes a necessity. Friends are our family here, right? And with work being more challenging (and fun -- which translates to time consuming because you spend more time working for two solid reasons now!), I wonder when the whole forming-a-community here will work out. The moving is easy (k would disagree since he did all the work). It's the moving on that's harder. Perhaps, like k says, it will happen one day, naturally and without any special effort on my part. Who knows? Meanwhile, a glimpse of Alphapet :)

Need I say more?

Hotbreads!

Really neat restaurant where k and I had our rare couple-lunch-- Never enough thyme.

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On long weekends.

If you are in the US, you know that long weekends are a big deal. An extra holiday means a lot to 9-to-5ers. People start talking about it right at the beginning of the work week and conversations always include questions on "the long weekend plan". The plan, that's the next big deal. If you know me well, you also know that I love to plan -- for today, for tomorrow, for the next 5 years, for myself, for k, for r and so on. So, that's 2 things that I like -- an extra holiday and planning. Somehow, add it together and it doesn't always get me as excited as one would logically assume it would.

After more than a decade here, I am always a little bit apprehensive about long weekend planning. Do we drive 6 hours (Arrrrrrg!) and spend loads of money to get super tired at some nerve-wracking amusement park with scary rides? Or we can drive 7 hours (Arrrrrrrrrg!) and get even more tired after a day spent trekking and camping. Now, truth be told, I haven't done much of either and it's not that I am not a nature-type-of-girl (I guess I am not) but when I have a precious extra day, I don't want to plan business into it. I want to plan nothing for that day. Actually I'd rather "not plan" because in this day and age, "plan to do nothing" has its own connotations like no-technology, no-TV and more such nos that we impose on our selves to prove that we can be happier by taking fun stuff out of our lives -- its all about not being dependent, including being dependent on being happy, if that makes sense.

So usually, I feel a sense of being in a race when the long weekend approaches -- like I am lagging behind if all I want to do is sit at home and do nothing (which actually amounts to quite a bit if you have a 2 year old, so, you might as well head out, but that's another story) . For me, doing nothing is fun. Sure, traveling the world sounds like a great eat-pray-love kind of thing to do but usually am not in the mind frame for that! Sometimes, I just want to organize my house more, sometimes, I just want to watch a movie or act silly with r or my favorite (you know, do nothing) which gets like a C rating if say, traveling the world is A+. Add to this the fact that k is a traveling-the-world kind of guy and you can literally see me wishing the extra day away but for the fact that the day has so much potential :p

On a related note, I wonder why long weekends were never such a big deal (or come to think of it, even a deal) in India? Is that because we had many other exciting holidays to look forward to which weren't termed long weekend but in essence and were actually significant for a lot more reasons than just an extra day off? Or was it because I never had to work in India and hence have no recollection of workdays and time off work?

So go on, ask me. I don't have a plan for the long weekend. No, I won't drive. No, I don't want to walk 3 miles and climb 2 miles to see the most breathtaking waterfall there ever is in this universe. No, I don't want to not check FB and twitter (am sure there will be a day when I will impose these rules on my family, this weekend is not it!) I just want my extra day to be just that -- a sweet 24 hours where I don't have to do anything or nothing. I can be in the land of the peaches and the onions and smell the roses or not. Maybe I will open an account at our local library and check a to do or maybe we will continue watching 180 (which seems like a good Tamil movie so far). Or not.

(I guess I just need a break after the interviews and the arangetram and the move and the new job but I stand by what I said -- no long weekend plans! There, I said it.).

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2 more days to go...

For my arangetram!

Oh boy!

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The Google Guys

Read an interesting non-fiction book after ages of dwelling on chick-lits -- The Google Guys:


It is interesting enough for me to consider another non-fiction before some chick-lit inevitably draws me back!

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Shoba on Chennai

Neat article on Chennai by one of my favorite authors!

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Cakes!

I like to celebrate occassions with cakes and I like checking out bakeries in Lex to figure out which one would work for what I have in mind :) So far, I have tried Brown's bakery, Maggie's bakery, Spalding's bakery, Graeter's and this time I am going to try Mondelli's bakery for k's birthday cake.

Finally managed to organize my highly disorganized photos on my laptop (which will be going away soon, since I quit. Can't stop grinning when I say that :) k helped me do it after I spent half an hour looking for the Avvaiyar paati photo (below)! Anyway, here is a trip down cake-memorylane:

k got this for me from Caramanda's

My favorite cake from Spalding's bakery for r's 2nd birthday (Avvaiyar paati)!

From Graeter's -- icecream cake

Mackenzie's bakery Chennai -- also for r's 2nd birthday!

Old Taj Mahal hotel -- you guessed it -- also for r's 2nd birthday

Home made by me for k's birthday!

Another special cake for r's first birthday!

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I quit.

Been thinking about this for a long time and finally decided to go for it. Told my manager yesterday and sent a formal resignation note today. So, it's bye bye IBM for me. I am thinking of taking a break from work till August so I have a fresh start after my arangetram.

Let's see what I can do with the extra time in my hands :) Ideas?

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About old thoughts.

I read somewhere that mostly our minds just go in circles spending a majority of its time focusing on already repeated thoughts and images. And those of you who know me know that this is indeed true for my mind. I have expressed the same few thoughts in several different ways and have probably come up with a few novel thoughts along the way. Few and far between. And of the thoughts that I often revisit, there is this one thought that often manifests itself into my mental space in the form of an image.

That of an old couple. What is wrong with this image, you ask. It shows that k and I would live to grow old and live to grow old together. All is well.

Now add a few accouterments to this image -- like a heavy grocery bag, snow fall and a walking stick (if you tend to be dramatic like me). Now, the color of the image changes significantly -- it's gone from pleasant pastel shades to a sort of undefined grey (if you are with my mental process still).

And this is the image that I keep circling back to in my head, every now and then. And the thought that goes with that image is that, I don't want to be that person. No really, I have no issues growing old (I believe, I have aged pretty well so far and plan to continue on the good beginning). My issue is with the loneliness and helplessness that I associate with that image (No doubt you pictured a happily chatting couple maybe pulling a grocery cart instead of carrying the heavy bag but stay with my image, will you? Makes my story telling a bit easier). So, my problem with this story is that I don't want to be the protagonist (Yes, k can be the protagonist when he makes up a story and when he puts that in a blog of his own!) here -- that old woman with aging hands, struggling to carry the grocery bag, hating the winter that she hasn't acclimatized to (in the past umm...40 years) and wishing she were in a warm, familiar place instead like...you guessed it, Madras (Oh! You didn't? Ok, catch up with my archives and then come back here for story time!)

Yes, I agree there are several glaring loopholes with my grey image -- grocery shopping will all be done online by that time (as k was kind enough to point out), we might be enjoying the snowfall inside the house in front of a fireplace and possibly with family/kids instead of standing in front of Kroger. All that good stuff. But, that's not my image. Mine is that of husband and wife who often say, "We thought about moving back to India, we just never did. And then, the kids got old. And then, it was too late." I don't want to say that when I am 70.

So, what's stopping me now? For one, the lack of a concrete vision and plan. What do we do after we move to India? Where do we work? Where do we live? For better or worse, my dad is responsible for instilling a constant need to plan and map pros and cons and I continue to do that, all the time. So, why haven't I mapped this out? I guess life gets in the way. Initially, you are a student (FOB, if you will) caught in the excitement of America, then you focus on getting that job with that big company and then it's marriage, house, kids. All big stuff. Good stuff. But then, this old thought swirls in front of you, reminds you of what you have forgotten in the moment (which might be a good thing after all) and exits. It keeps this up until you finally decide to focus on it and do something about it. So, what have I done about it? Thought thoughts :) Thinking is a good thing, isn't it?

And then there's the whole people business. Even on regular days, I like to know that people besides me exist in the background. And since I work from home most of the time, this means, I really like having a nanny at home and the fact that maami comes home to cook twice a week. I miss the general bustle of conversation that is ever present if you live in India. I guess it's something as simple as just hearing people around me. Hardly a reason to wrap up and go. But go figure my mind!

Anyway, more thoughts about this later. For now, I do entertain the mental image and think of ways I can fix it. Who knows? Maybe even if we were in India, the image would probably not change -- our kids would probably have come to the US anyway...but I still can't imagine us living in India without people. And someone "people" seems to be the missing ingredient in my flawed picture anyway. Will update if the mental picture decides to change to that of a healthy old couple walking briskly along the Florida beaches, a vast expanse of blue for company and a golden retriever running behind faithfully ;) Somehow, my mind is not up to conjuring that image as often as it does the other grey image :)

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Sunshine for mama.

So, I have reached out to my laptop to write something several times in the past week and each time online distraction got the better of me and I ended up website hopping/tweet hopping/status hopping and not getting down to writing anything at all. But today, I have some inspiration to hold me in place -- I have a new friend (all of 8 years old). And she has drawn these delightful little characters for me to pen a story for her. So, here goes!

Once upon a time, there lived two puppies named Happy and Glad. They were neighbors and the best of friends. Every morning, as soon as the sun woke them up, they would rush to each other to play and sing and dance until their mamas called them home for lunch. One day, Happy woke up as usual and rushed to kiss his mama goodbye to go and play with Glad. But, when he went into his mama's room, she was sitting very quietly in her room and she had her eyes closed. Happy grew very concerned, "Are you not feeling well, mama?", he asked. She smiled and said, "It's the change in weather. See outside..." and when Happy looked, huge raindrops fell and the sun was nowhere in sight. Just then, Glad and his mama walked into the room. Glad's mama got some warm soup and treats for Happy's mama. The two puppies stood worriedly in a corner as they watched their mothers. Soon, Happy's mama was sipping on her hot soup and Glad's mama said, "Why don't you both go and play in your room? Soon, the sun will be out and Happy's mama will be all better!" And so, the two puppies trotted back into Happy's room to discuss the events of the day.


"Do you think mama will be better soon?", Happy asked. He looked outside the window and said, "The rain makes me so sad. I wish the sun would come out and mama would feel better again."


Glad wanted to make his best friend feel better. Suddenly, he had an idea! "I know how we can make your mama better! Let's bring her some sunshine!"


"What a great idea!" agreed Happy.


"But how? It's raining so heavily outside!"


Glad said, "My mama and I got an umbrella to walk to your house. Let's take that and go looking for some sunshine!"


Happy agreed. He was happy that he could do something to make his mama feel better. So, the two puppies carried the umbrella and went looking for sunshine. Outside, it was drizzling but the sun was nowhere in sight.

Just then, they saw Friendly, the pig rushing to his pen.


"What are you two doing in the rain?" Friendly asked.


"Oh! We are looking for some sunshine. Do you know where we can find it?" asked Happy.


"Hmm...I didn't see any since morning. Why don't you both stay warm and dry inside and we can all go looking for some when the rain stops?" said Friendly huddling close to Happy and Glad under the umbrella.


"Oh! But, my mama is sick because of all the rain and we need the sun to make her better!" cried Happy.


"Oh! Don't be so sad, little Happy. Let me think. Who can help us find some sunshine? I know! Let's ask Wise, the bunny!"


So, the three friends went looking for Wise, the bunny. By then, the rain had almost stopped and the skies were looking more blue than grey.

Wise, the bunny was outside his house collecting some tools to do some gardening. When he saw the three friends, he said, "Happy, Glad and Friendly! How nice to see you! I would call you all in for a cup of tea but I am all set to work in my garden! Care to join me?"


Friendly said, "Oh! We are looking for some sun to take back to Happy's mom. She fell sick because she got wet in the rain and she needs some sun to feel better!"


Wise scratched his head. How could he tell poor Happy that he could not take the sun to his mom? So, he thought of an idea. He picked up a wooden pot that he had set aside to plant some flowers and said, "Let me help you in your quest! Come with me!" And so, Happy, Glad and Friendly followed Wise as he led them to a pool nearby.


Wise pulled Happy near him and pointed to the water in the pool, "What do you see there?"


Happy looked confused, "Water?", he ventured.


"Look carefully, what do you see?"


And so, the three friends peered into the water. And Lo and Behold! There it was, the sun!


"The sun!" They exclaimed together.


"Yes, the sun", agreed Wise, "Now watch carefully, I am going to coax the sun to travel with you to your house!" Saying that, Wise dipped his pot into the water and pointed to the sun's reflection, "Now, I am going to close this pot so the sun is safe inside. Give this to your mama with my regards!"


The three friends thanked Wise and skipped back home. When they reached home, the two moms were happily chatting away in the porch. "Mama, mama!" Happy called out excitedly, "We bought some sun for you so you feel all better!" Saying that, he handed the pot to her.


Happy's mom laughed and winked at Glad's mom. "You did! That must explain why I feel all better now! I'll keep the sun safe with me! Now run along and play while the sun is still out!"

And so, that's what Happy, Glad and Friendly did. They played till it became dark and the sun set but they knew their special sun was all safe and sound with Happy's mama!

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The wall.

I wonder if people read blogs anymore. In this time of status updates and millisecond micro updates aka tweets, do people have the patience to read personal blogs anymore? I ask because there was a time when I used to read blogs and the only blogs I seem to be reading now are technical ones. Instead, I log onto Facebook and stare at my wall. Now, the wall is many things at once. It's sort of a buzzing microcosm of lives (reminds me of Michael Crichton's 'Prey'). Much like Jack's beanstalk, there is no limit to its growth. If you run out of new status updates to read, you can always go back in history and read what people thought two days back (If explained to someone a decade back, they might have questioned the very sanity of why one would do that). And here we are, trying to cling on to the wall while at the same time peering over our shoulders to stare at the drama unfolding elsewhere on the wall.

    meets :) 

I guess in a way, our virtual life has brought us back full circle. Man was and will always be a social animal. Perhaps earlier, he dropped by a neighbour's house to catch up on the little town gossip and lives of others and later; he dialed a bunch of numbers to do the same over the phone. He then progressed to chatting and developed a whole new language to do that. And now, he has multiple ways to share his life with all those people. Which is fun, come to think of it. Who doesn't like talking about themselves? And now, I can share my thoughts on my wall or tweet them and I have the satisfaction that I have sent me 2 cents out to the world at large to ponder upon.

This new way of virtual living raises some interesting questions. How does a person maintain a sense of mystery about him (assuming he wants to)? A friend of mine has not gotten herself a Facebook account. Still (I know!). She considers it a waste of time. Hmm, can't say I entirely agree with her. I follow technical pages on Facebook and I find a lot of useful information there. Even my workplace holds virtual conversations on Facebook! So, back to the mystery question. FB is addictive, we all know that but it also sorts of blurs boundaries that earlier existed in traditional settings. Take our workplace, for example. My colleagues are my facebook friends and know that r~ made a bookmark in the Morris book shop last Saturday, for example. And that little bit of info, somehow changes their perception of me. I am not sure if that's a good thing or not. It makes people seem more human -- all these random bits of trivia about them...

There's the whole long tail argument. If I were a salwaar-kameez clad, modern but tom-boyish teenage girl who likes languages but hates Math and also likes Savannah from Savannah, I might just find someone just like that on FB and then we can start a fan page with an uncommonly long name :)

And then, there's the whole twitching-fingers syndrome -- the urge to constantly stay up to date on the happenings of the wall. I wonder if the constant (albeit) slight adrenaline rush when we are privy to a new information bit will make our normal life seem a tad more boring? Nothing is happening every second of the day (except maybe your 2 year old let water flow from the sink to all the restroom shelves and let them soak the soft bathroom mats...oh! Long story!). And then, there was this article I read recently about how FB actually makes people sadder because they keep comparing themselves (some unconsciously) to the happy pictures and delightful wall updates and thinking their own lives don't match up (which is unrealistic, no one leads lives smiling with their face smushed to their lovely child's cheek all the time -- the next second, the child, for all we know, took a nice dab of blue paint and marked it on both their faces...)

Not sure what to make of all this innovation. Technology is changing. And we, with it. Of that, I am sure.

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Best Tamil movies.

No, I am not really going to rate what I have seen or do anything original here. Basically, am part of what Bitsians call "Spec & Audi" dept -- part of the spectators and audience :p So, a few weeks back, d~ mentioned that he saw "Uthiri pookal" because almost everywhere on the web, people claimed that was the best Tamil movie made (compared to the other Tamil movies made around that time). And so, I convinced k that we really have to watch the best Tamil movie ever made and so we watched "Uthiri pookal" one night from 12 - 2.30 AM (Didn't really want r~ to watch that movie, so had to wait for her to fall asleep). Apparently Mani Ratnam said if he came close to what J.Mahendran did in Uthiri Pookal, he will be a happy man. Imagine that!

I liked a few dialogues in the movie but I guess I was comparing it to the movies made after that time period and so didn't see anything very special about that movie. I liked the fact that the villain was not overly dramatic and conveyed a lot with a sadistic smile or a nod of his head. I liked the dialogue in the end where his new wife tells him that she may not have the physical strength to overpower him but can easily mix some poison in his food! But anyway, I read a bit more about this movie and then went on to "Mullum Malarum" which some people claimed was even better than Uthiri.. and also, it came with full blessings from L~. So, another late night was spent watching MM.

I also watched MM because I was curious about Shobha. So many people claimed she was a very realistic actress and she died so young and so famous. I liked "Senthaazham poove..." But again, I didn't think (and k definitely did not think) that the movie was a breakthrough, coming of age movie or anything like that. Again, because, I was comparing it to movies made much after it. K claimed i got my overly dramatic tendencies from overly dramatic Tam movies like these :p

Since, I was on a J.Mahendran movie spree, thought I'd try Johnny next. b~ suggested "Moonru mugam". So here is my list so far:

1. Uthiri pookal
2. Mullum malarum
3. Update: Nenjathai Killadhe (watched this today) -- This one is strikingly similar to Mouna Ragam (especially the second half!) Some of the characters were still overly dramatic (Suhasini's brother's wife...) and the comedy track didn't really hold my attention. Not sure why the poor kid had to fall sick but overall, was able to watch the movie till the end. Liked Suhasini in the movie. Again, it was probably a good movie in the 1980s and is still a decent flick.

4. Johnny/Moondru mugam?

So yeah, if you have a Tamil movie that totally changed your life :), do mention and I am going to add it to this list. K has been asking to watch "Guna" for quite sometime because he likes the song, "Kanmani anbodu". Or maybe I should watch "Vedham Puthithu" (which I have watched earlier and don't remember much of it except that it was about the caste system?) The only Mani Ratnam movie that I haven't watched is "Iruvar", maybe I should watch that. There was that movie with SriVidya and Kamal Hassan...shucks, I don't remember the name. She is much older than him and they fall in love. I need to watch that. Someone picked a scene from that movie as their most favorite scene. Hmm.

Random: I liked "Unnal mudiyum thambi" but didn't see that mentioned anywhere. Also, "Devar magan" and "Galatta kalyanam" (but I guess people usually don't consider comedies seriously enough to put it on a top 10 or top 50 list). "Anjali", "Idhayathai thirudaathe", "Alaipayuthey", "Kannathil..." are other movies I would add to my personal favorite list. I need to see movies by other directors!

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2011: Being myself.

When I was in school, I wanted to be like Radha Lakshmi, sometimes like this other girl Usha-something. At Bits, I wanted to be like other girls I saw -- mainly the confident ones who probably were just like me but just me minus the lack of confidence. And I am now a mom and I still wish to be like other women sometimes. Some, because I think they are just cooler and more fun to hang out with, some for their fearlessness, some for their ability to gel with all kinds of people, some for their accomplishments. But, the more I achieve, the more I want to be these other people and that doesn't give me a break. I don't look back and give myself a pat on the back ever for anything. It's always, now that that's over, what next? I didn't congratulate myself even for the home birthing attempt and tough stint at the hospital for r~. Only, when I saw the note that k had sent me, several days later, did I realize that it had been a difficult time, it was okay to acknowledge that for a second and not worry about the baby and, I had actually done a pretty good job bringing r~ into this world :p

Anyhow, 2011 is going to be me being myself. I am going (to try) to be myself and appreciate what I am and what I have. 2012 can be about being a better mom, better dancer, better wife, better blogger :p 2011 is just going to be to breathe deeply and stay still and be me. The closet is organized, the toys are picked up (or maybe not), the laundry can stay awhile in the washer but it's ok to sit back and watch "Outsourced" :) Really, it is. The show is fun and I deserve the break just for being myself.

Bring on 2011 and let me be me, for a change!

Happy new year to you all! Peace and Love.

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"Amma happy"

I have my share of raising-a-toddler-trials-and-tribulations to share but I am beginning to reconsider my original thoughts on raising a 2 year old. As days pass, she does so many astonishing things that they well beat the "trying" part of parenting (By "trying", I mean, the insistence on subsisting on nothing but cakes, popsicles and cheese; refusing to wear short sleeved t-shirts, sleeve-less t-shirts, shorts, the cutest skirts thereby rendering 3 whole shelves of her clothing obsolete; saying "Nathi", "Illa [Iyyya]", "No" about 36 times a day -- 36 times for each language...and more recently, "Naan thoongayen, enna diturb pannada pappa" -- I am sleeping, don't disturb pappa!)

The biggest thrill for me is the ability to meaningfully communicate with her (Like today morning, she woke up, smiled at me and said, "Amma nee azhaga iyuke"). The other day I told her I was feeling sad and she said "B~ maama edho sollitta" (B maama said something...), B maama being my manager! A week earlier I had told her if I didn't finish my office work, B maama will be angry with me! And the fact that she made the connection and assumed I was sad because B maama said something was pretty cool! When she just started stringing words together, she once stopped mid-walk (we were strolling around the house), drew a little air circle around my face and said, "Amma happy"...that was the highlight of the day for me!

The ability to express herself also means she now can clearly state what she wants and why and why nothing else will do. When she was younger, I used to ask her "Cake or pasta", "yellow or blue" knowing she will always pick the second option. Sadly, that is no longer a trick she falls for. Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

I particularly like this phase because she is fascinated by stories! Stories from books and stories I make up. Her eyes grow wide and you can see the wonder in them, that the world is so full of brilliant stories to be discovered...you almost want to be her and listen to those stories the very first time so you can experience that feeling!

Oh and she can sing songs now...which means k and I get to pick our favorite movie songs and play them to her and she can actually sing them back to us (Ok, that is not exactly an educational moment but it has its merits such as playing her favorite song on youtube so some form of food can find its way into her mouth!)

It's almost like they have turned into real, little people who can tell us how things should be done instead of us always telling them what to do! And they are at an age where the magic still exists -- she really thinks we can heal with a kiss and God actually said thank you when she gave God the raisins, that there is a little butterfly baby that is waiting forever on our kitchen window, that the night lights become too hot and hence have to be turned off at night, that every morning the Sooooyiyan (Sooriyan -- Sun) has come to wish her Good morning, that Avvaiyaar paati is still making dosas on the moon...

Ah...to just believe in magic and tales. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

And here she is singing ♫"Lakde ki Kaati"♫

[Listen in Quicktime]

Current favorite book -- Bobo!

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Let it snow...

It's snowing outside, baby is napping after bouncing @ BounceU for a birthday party and am hoping I can catch "Date night" (the movie not an actual date night, those don't exist post r~ :p) before she wakes up...

I haven't been doing much lately except reading books and doing the same ol'. L~ recommended "Into thin air" which was quite a haunting book that I struggled to get out of my head but finally "Mini-shopaholic" did the trick. Our workplace moved to a new location which is smaller and more claustrophobic than our current one. Thank God for work-from-home. I think if there were no work-from-home option, I might just quit.

Recently started watching Outsourced and Big bang theory (which I have been watching for quite sometime online) on TV every Thursday -- love it!

Hmm...can't quite think of anything else to write about. Mind and words waiting for summer warmth!

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Happy Deepavali!

It's that time of the year again. For the past 10 years, deepavali for me usually means:

1. Emails/chats and more recently Facebook status updates about how everyone here is missing Deepavali in India -- the TV programmes, firecrackers, sweets, people...why did waking up early then seem like a difficult thing to do? Isn't not waking up or being woken up on Deepavali an infinitely more difficult feeling to experience?

2. Less than 50°F outside (This year, it's even colder -- it's 39°F outside) -- can't head out without layers...can still recall the cool, misty dawns of those days when the men folk would head out to burst the big crackers while I stayed behind happy with my fire sparklers, no Lakshmi vedi for me!

3. ISD calls from India and to India wishing each other a happy Deepavali...tinny voices over a wire attempting to share a significant moment of togetherness over miles and miles of distance...

4. Waiting for the work day to end so one can at least celebrate Deepavali the few precious free hours one gets after 5 PM -- How is it that Deepavali always falls on a work day?

5. Or in more recent work-from home-times, staring at my screen, willing the bugs away, sitting in my PJs on the couch with Jaya TV on mute -- wondering about warmer times and distant places...

6. Hurriedly dressing up and heading to the temple in the evening so at least one little bit of the day's tradition is intact -- Happy Deepavali God, stay warm!

7. (And finally)Weekend celebrations -- A get-together after Deepavali to talk about simpler times and a younger us...

Happy Deepavali to you all. May the day and the years ahead be filled with happy moments and togetherness!

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Living in the head of a 2 year old.

Sometimes I wonder what goes on in r's head when she makes specific (and quite unreasonable) demands and expects to take them to completion. The other day, she insisted on wearing 2 pairs of socks inside the house and roaming about in them. She slipped a couple of times on the floor but still wanted to wear them. Yesterday in the mall, she wouldn't remove the gloves and hat I had put on her to check the size. Finally, I had to get another pair and scan that one to buy it! I trust the written word :p and usually take to  books to find answers to my questions (the non google type of questions which involve more thought than the shortest route to a park) but parenting is an ongoing lesson that I have picked up on more through practical experience than through books. Nope, doesn't mean I'll stop reading my parenting books. I will continue to do so, so I can at least pretend while I read that I am going to be an ideal parent but somewhere in the corner of my mind, I'll know that r already has a trick to get past my latest parenting tool!

No transition is easy and now we are trying out preschool for her (couple of hours one day a week) and she has her own thoughts about it and so far this is what I have gleaned out of her head: that she wants an exciting world full of colors and shapes and people, most importantly kids but she also wants her mom or dad to stand in the corner and watch so she can run to them when she feels uncertain. If only I could create such a world for her! I can tell she is getting a bit bored at home, even with a nanny, that her toys don't interest her as much. She still likes her books but a 2 year old can not read throughout the day! But in the outside world, she wants her mom or dad to stand guard for her and I don't blame her -- it's a scary world out there. So, she is trying to find her balance while we try to find ours with work and home.

My next book is Let's see if I can get something useful out of it!

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