Relaaaaaaax, am not cool!

I think all of us need a nice, hearty throw-up session once in a while, a sort of emotional purging so we can "letitgooooo" and get on with our lives. I don't know if you noticed, but I think I am done teetering on the edge of insanity; I have official moved over to the "other" side. No, not to Voldemort's camp, silly! I mean just in life, I think it's high time I ack the fact that I am a bit crazy. Although, this does not give you the liberty to do the following:

You may not give me a "girl-over-the-edge" look and say "Relaaaax" in that annoyingly slow and stupid fashion, especially not at social get-togethers. An example might be:

A one-year-old is running around the house, darting under tables and tripping over legs and I watch her with a little bit of anxiety that is probably apparent on my face and then I hear, "Relaaaaax, Ramya, she will be fine". Jeez! I am relaxed, lady! If I relax anymore, I might go into a coma!

This happens quite often with me, maybe, people (mostly women, I wonder why) realize subconsciously that the word "relaaaax" ticks me off and they just want to experiment to see if I would completely lose it!

"The house is one fire!"

"Relaaaaaaaaaaaax"

"@#@$%^%**"

Sometimes, it's as if k has fun watching me become uncomfortable. He does just the things that would make me look like a nervous, over-the-edge, control freak. And then the above mentioned people would go, "Relaaaaaaaax, Ramya".

*~*~*

I have this uncanny super-power (ahem) to observe myself as not-myself :p And I notice I do that more often when am in a mixed social gathering - close friends + not-so-close friends + cool people + not-so-cool people. k, who considers himself cool will do a "cool" act and the not-so-cool people will immediately turn on their "righteousness-radars" and go tsk, tsk. And then the "me" that is watching "me" goes, "Uh oh, social gaffe alert, social gaffe alert!"

In my mind, somehow this will all turn into a big social blunder and k and I will be ostracized and we shall pack our small belongings and walk towards the village...hmm, well, not exactly, but I remember watching that scene in a movie (Thambiku enda ooru?) and that image stayed back with me. k thinks it's stuffy to say the "appropriate" things and do the "deemed-right" acts all the time, he thinks veering off-path once in a while adds spice to monotony. I agree, most times, except when the "not-cool" people go judging and tsk-tsking. I don't know why that bothers me. It does. Probably because I slipped and fell on my head, when I was 3. :p

*~*~*

I also get nervous before we head out on short/long trips. I have sudden mini-panic attacks like "Who will water all the plants?" (That have been ignored largely, all their life, have gotten used to the fact that they will be watered only once a week and have managed to thrive in our house :), "What if a crisis come up at work and they need me?" (Let's see, the last time that happened was...never!), "What if something happens to the house?" (The "something" remains a vague blob in my head, undefined)...k says I am a homing pigeon. Maybe or maybe because I just don't like driving. Especially on long trips. Doesn't matter if am driving or am in the passenger seat. I prefer to take a flight with all it's inherent risks anytime.

*~*~*

So, between the "relaaaaaaaaax" and the "cool-k-doing-cool-things-that-uncool-people-don't-get-that-inturn-makes-me-nervous" (well, there's also the homing-pigeon-routine but grammar and scary images of my English teacher prevent me from sneaking that in :p), I think I am certainly losing it. But people often don't "get" this. I tell k all this and he gives me a concerned look and says, "Do you want to take up yoga?"

!!!

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