Maybe it's the season - all white and flurry, making my mind confused and muddy!
I guess it's quite normal for a girl (I shall not say woman, not just as yet!) of twenty-six to be feeling a touch of the "what-do-I-do-with-my-life" and "these-hyphens-are-awfully-hard-to-read" crisis. OK, the latter is not part of my dilemma, just an experiment to see if am any good at making up long hyphenated sentences. Am not.
But, that's hardly my concern now, I mean the hyphens. My circle of concern concerns bigger issues (Gosh! it's really confusing to read a sentence with a noun and a verb that are the same word. I just have to stop re-reading what I write and get on with this post!) Anyway, the past few days, I have this feeling of drifting along aimlessly, floating towards nowhere, and if I get lost, will someone care to notice? As a tiny speck of this universe, we all make our marks in our own little way or so wise words tell us, don't they? (Atleast Mitch Albom does - The five people you meet in heaven).
Well, am not really sure. Am I making a mark? By doing what? Going to work, writing code, talking, cooking and doing every little bit that adds up to form a mundane , oh-so-ordinary, typical work-week of an Indian software engineer in KY?
And then I think, I am just being ungrateful, not thankful enough for what He has given us. Not satisfied enough with the miracles that life has to offer and has already offered.
...and now, here I am once again, in the middle of nowhere, looking around me for an answer, hoping that I would not have to spend a lifetime to figure out what it is that I wanted to do with my life. Hopefully, I am doing or will soon do what it is that am meant to be doing with my life.
Yes, try writing at 12.00 AM and you can sound just as confusing as me. I promise :)
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- RS
- Silly, serious, singular, sensitive, !sane and Bitsian all the way :) You can reach me at mail.AT.ramyasethuraman.com
16 comments:
What good lives we must be having to be able to worry about "what do I do with my life" or "oh, I do the same things everyday" or even "what will my readers think if I have too many hyphens in one sentence ? :)" as opposed to have to crawl out of yet another hole, that we had been thrown into, for no fault of ours ! Thank God !
"(Gosh! it's really confusing to read a sentence with a noun and a verb that are the same word. I just have to stop re-reading what I write and get on with this post!"
Well said Ramya :)
Dinu - ok, thanks for reposting this comment. I have no idea how the first one got deleted :(
And then I think, I am just being ungrateful, not thankful enough for what He has given us. Not satisfied enough with the miracles that life has to offer and has already offered.
You should re-read my post more, I think,m question is not "oh-why-is-my-life-so-boring?"...there are some questions that you are lucky enough to ponder over only for a very short period of time...so, do ponder over it when you can :)
And then there are times, when you look back and think, "What was I doing then?"...
I just dont want to do that! Now, thats a blog response to your bloggish comment :)
Okay, Okay, :)
I wasn't accusing you of losing perspective. My tone was "let's wonder together" and not "you don't know what this is, so let me tell you" :)
RS,
It means, you should either get more work, to keep you more occupied, so these kinda thoughts dont enter, ;), or should try something more interesting than coding ;), switching jobs might help?
OK ok, I am not trying to give a high-n-mighty impression, it is just that, I often ponder about life, when my workload is light, and when I used to hate my work, once upon a time ;)
So I guess I kinda understand your feelings. :)
One the other hand, you just got married, so life cannot be boring right? For me, I meet my K only once in 2 weeks, for 2 days, which makes the time in between fly like crazy, with anticipation.
Sorry for the long comment again :)
Keep writing. I like the little humor you sprinkle all along your posts. Treat to read
rs, sometimes I wonder whether I am talking to you or reading your blog... i guess, this is one of those kinda posts... we just talked on these lines last night.. :)
and I see you are keeping up your resolve pretty well ! way to go !
:)
RS, if you feel like how the rest of us are also feeling, then I guess you are normal :-)
saranya - long comments are most welcome :)
I guess I cant say am bored. Am just questioning the higher cause behind my existence (assuming there is one :))
and technically speaking, am 5 years into the relationship :)
arun - yup, along similar lines...trailing thoughts I guess :)
Sigh...not sure, my resolve's going too well!
thennavan - hmm, that doesnt tell me much (about what you all think):)
For now, am going to assume we all think alike and lean towards sanity :)
RS,
The blog sounded kinda confusing. What are you confused about? What you could do with your life/time or what He has bestowed you with?
2 different things in my opinion. from knowing for a while I feel you are really not concerned about the latter. It is the self you are not all that comfi with.
vara vara romba yosikkara!!!
I can hear you say, "How insensitive, Get lost!!!!" :-)
I am thinking when you were a little girl, you had dreams of doing somethings, being in a certain profession, marrying someone, living somewhere etc, now suddenly after most of those dreams are accomplished you are getting a bit satisfied (not that you realize it :) ) so you are kinda of at the crossroads looking up to see what next?, what should I do ? explore my talents, make a mark in the world etc. I do not think it takes much for logical brains to find what next? Let the bloggers know when you have found that :) .. Writer, Casio, Dancing ... Figure Skater ? :)
:) @ Kamal's reply....actually a very good find he got there :)
but seriously now reading ur post for the second time:)...still didnt understand what u are confused abt ...so now u know how am confused :) hehe :)
Sujan, correct. Am confused about what to do with my life but I also think such a thought means that I may not be grateful enough for what He has bestowed upon me...just a related thought.
and..."How insensitive, Get lost!!!!" :-)
k - totally on track except the figure skater bit. Man, you are on a roll - a new post (and its not even 6 months yet) and a long comment!
IBH - glad to find a confused companion :) More posts will appear to clarify what am confused about :))
is there something u want to do but cannot figure out how to do? i guess 98% of the s/w engineers do what u hv mentioned in the post...so nothing to worry, u got company.
writing ahead of wht was to be another mundane monday morning i guess :) existential angst? my POV: inner/self realisation/questioning can be extremely therapeutic.. instead of stopping the flow of questions in yor mind by branding them as confusion.. take the time out to revel in them. Although deepak chopra thinks one needs to quiet ones inner thoughts to attain peace or whatever... i beg to differ.. Dont you at times feel amazed at a humans capacity to think .. now and beyond!!?A 100% time killer :)
rt - glad to hear :)
purnima - Nice, existential angst - elevates my level of thinking to a whole new level ;)
Hey I also noticed this - you wondering what-to-do-with-life and your dear hubby wondering how-to-make-more-money-or-save-money.
Hmmm it all falls into place ;)
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